Monday, December 27, 2004

The long waited-for entry~

Bah, I know it's prolly not waited for, but who cares xD

Had been too lazy to update =P, just managed to catch the well-wishes in my tagboard just now. Thank you guys xD it's sweet *muah*

Spent Xmas Eve at my sis', and she ordered pizzas, KFC, chilli crabs etc. Yum! We watched 'White Chicks' and it was really funny and nice even tho I thought it would be lame, but Mel had to like, be a total jerk and asked to go home at 1am+. I mean, we went there empty-handed and my sis was so nice to grab some pressies for us, and we leave after eating and a DVD? Mean right? Sigh but there wasn't anything I could do but surrender to his need on dosage of DarkEden.


Xmas was rather fun I guess, tho I didn't manage to get a Santa Claus hat :( (seriously... I walked for like, 5-10mins, and I couldn't find any stalls selling the hats. Unbelievable!) but at least I went to Orchard to shop a lil and caught 'Kung Fu Hustle' :P It was um... Kinda 'over lame' if you get what I mean, but funny nonetheless. Went to Mel's ah ma's house for a Christmas party/gathering before that, and its was YUMMYLICIOUS~! Hehe his aunts are Christians so they invited us over for a Christmas meal sorta thingy, I had yummy turkey with cranberry sauce, honey baked ham with cheese, bbq ribs, logcake and all the eating with your fingers thingy, like ang mos do. I never knew turkey taste that good =d.

His 2nd aunt say that it's perfect that I was there b/c I know how to appreciate Westernized meals, but I think it's rather the fact that I'm plain gluttonous.

Not to mention the presence of chocolates and cookies... xD *slurp*

Idk why but I feel so filled with love now. Filled with love given by friends and loved ones, and filled with love I want to share with all xD Hehe I guess thats b/c its my favourite time of the year. I love December~! But I love January & February more, of course. They have the best festival of them all - Chinese New Year!!! I can't wait for CNY to come; once I get my hands on those ang baos... Muahaha! xD


That prolly makes Valentine's the grandest celebration for most couples =) I'll prolly get about 400-500, Mel about 800-1000, so it's all good. Ima get my hair rebonded! Muahahaha! *drifts off to her lil dream about spending all the money she doesn't yet have*

I wonder what I'll do on 31st Dec... I wanna go somewhere to countdown, but frankly, I don't have much friends anymore. (When I used to be a 'friends' person) I only mix with Mel's buddies now b/c I'm TOTALLY lazy to go out my bf driving me around, and apparently Vincent and co. are the only people he is willing to go out with.Thing is, I don't like going out with them only when they feel like asking us along; I rather go out with Mel alone. Last year, I went to Fisherman's V with my friends for the countdown... Got drunk but definitely very happy :( I wonder if I can join them this year again. I heard most of them drifted apart too, only leaving the usual ones like Ang, Jacob, Deron etc... Oh well x( Who wanna bring me out then? Gimme a call!

Just went to read my friend's blog for a while, saw that she mentioned her ex, who's my friend too... Wan ling, I know you're strong but if u feel sad or hurt, I'll be there k? I know the feeling of have someone who's been with you for sooo long, gone from your life... Nobody likes to re-adjust their livestyle suddenly. It sucks :( (For me at least) But I've always admired you for being so matured (while I act a lil kiddish sometimes >_>) so be strong k! Love u! *muacks*

On that note, guess its time for me to get to bed. BAH! Another of the stupid situation. Breakfast or sleep? *Ponders* I think I rather read my book on the bed till I fall asleep. Who cares about breakfast anyway? It's prolly fried bee hoon or fried prawn mee again... Hah. Anyway guys, remember, jio me out for countdown ok? ;) Gnight~

Love,
Jen

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

*Yawns*~~~

Whoa it's almost 7am... Stupid Mel pulled me along to train in DE when I was feeling sickish today... He needed an Enchantress in the party *rolls eyes* He went to bed while I tolled b/c he could go afk and I can't :(

I'm about to sleep... And seriously there's nothing much to fill in for today except for 1 thing : I GOT FUCKING HIT IN THE FACE BY A HIGH HEEL! GRR!

It didn't exactly hit my face; it hit more like my left cheek. Like I said, I was feeling sickish so I slept most of the time. I woke up at 8pm and decided I MUST eat or the acids will corrode off all my stomach wall. We went to eat @ Five Star again =d and as I was eating happily, when some woman in her late 20s was leaving the place and I saw her went 'flop' and fell face down beside Mel.

All came too fast; I was just beginning to try laughing discretly when her right shoe flew up and bounced off the table to my face. OWW! It hurt like hell! My primary reaction was to hit it away with my left hand and it hurt my wrist too. Her friend picked up her shoe on the floor and THEY WENT RIGHT OFF!

FUCKING BITCHES! I was there cursing and rubbing my cheek and they just WALKED RIGHT OFF! The woman's friend obviously saw it hit me, or else she would have wondered why the shoe landed behind her, yet did not hit her. Fucking bitches. I know the embarassment of falling down in public, but hey, where's the politeness? You fucking hit someone in the face with your dirty shoe! I was tired and that blow 'woke' me up, but it ruined my appetite nonetheless. I should have asked her to compensate grr.

Mel laughed at me (zzz) and said that I should buy 4d tomorrow. Too lucky already. YA RIGHT. If I ever see that bitch and shall she fall again, I'm going to laugh out loud right in her face! Grr~

Bah I should get to bed. Thinking about that incident just pisses me off =( Sun's coming up too. Mel's room have no curtains so the glare always hurt my eyes >< k thx bye

Monday, December 20, 2004

Pretty woman~ walking down the street~

Lmao~ =P wee! I was back from Orchard since 10.30pm, but I was too lazy to update =p

Today was rather great! I did woke up late at about 2+, and we left for my home @ 3+, 4. Mum got me a pair of really HIGH, really nice heels. I tried it on and I KNEW I had to get three-quarter jeans for the heels xD The only good thing about growing fatter is that my bony feet got a slightly meatier, making em look nicer.

I didn't do all that I'd planned, but it was alright. At least Mel promised to bring me shopping again 'some time soon'. Hollywood's Secrets were closed when I reached Paragon :( I didn't know they close early on weekends. Other than that, I had my haircut, or rather hairwash + trim =P so it was smooth and silky today yea! Heh. The ending effect? Good hair, together with my fav black top and tube, not to mention my fav jeans and heels =P Turned some guys' heads yea, but sadly, their attention was more on my boobs then my face *rolls eyes*.

Part of Orchard Road was sealed off from 6-11pm so we parked at Orchard Point. Uff after walking for about 1hour, my feet hurt SOO bad ><. I persued on for the sake of my warerobe but sadly, I saw tons of cute clothes that I knew I won't fit in, so I did not bother to try them.
As we were walking in Far East Square, I was so delighted at all the clothes I saw, but I realised I won't look good in them =( We were about to leave, and I was sulking real bad. All I could do was look at those pretty clothes and wish I was small enough for them, but nah. I almost cried b/c it was a blow to my self-esteem =(.

I decided to try 1 last boutique before we go for dinner, and I saw 1 that didn't have clothes that were too kawaii for me to wear. I went in and asked the auntie inside what would look nice on me, and fwala, she began to stuff clothes into my arms lol.

I tried like 10+ clothes! Well, they weren't exactly like, cute (I just wanna look younger... I realised I'm looking older and older, like an auntie!), but they were okay. I bought 2 three-quarter jeans, 1 pink top xD, 1 brownish-green cardigan-like top that Mel really liked, and a dirty green skirt ^^". All from the same shop, for $150 =O I don't really look younger in them.. But they add a feminine touch so I liked that.

I didn't have the sense of satisfaction since I bought from only 1 boutique, but its okay. At least the amount I spend was quite alot. And that I would be able to shop again soon =)

We took a few photos around Orchard with my bro's digicam, but we didn't manage to get nice couple photos b/c I didn't trust enough to ask a stranger to do it for us. As usual, I looked awful on film. I'd only managed a few nicer 'head-shots', and once I get the cable and cords from my bro I'll upload it to photobucket and here.

*Looks at her 3quarter jeans* Oooh I can't wait for a day to wear them out soon :) They're so comfy~ They'll be a killer with my new heels!

Anyway, think Ima go rest and read my book. Mel's already sleeping. A whole day of shopping apparently took alot out from us xP He'd been a total sweetie like I mentioned, and I love the fact that even when he's asleep, he will hug me or hold my hand when I call out his name beside him. It's all like, automatic. So sweet! Hehe mind u, he sleeps like a LOG! He can wake up to talk to me for a few mins before going back to sleep and wakes up the other day not remembering a thing. Not to mention the fact that he could prolly sleep ANYWHERE! Hee~ Ima go cuddle next to this sweet thing now for what he'd done for me :) Gnight..


Sunday, December 19, 2004

Weeee!

Heyo~ =)

Decided to update my blog again before I go to bed. I'm all psyched up for my shopping trip tomorrow xD (which girl wouldn't?!) Mel promised (again) to accompany me to Orchard tomorrow to shop shop shop since he broke that promise 2night ago :D

We went to Suki Sushi @ Cenileisure this evening tho. He woke me up and asked me, 'Dear want to eat sushi?' Apparently he worked up an appetite watching Jacky Wu eating sushi on' Shi Zi Lu Kou' haha so I suggested Suki Sushi~ Cheaper and yummy ^^

We spent about $45 for what would cost us about $70 if we ate at Sakae... Muahaha *pats her satisfied tummy* So my bf isn't that bad after all =P He knows how to make me happy. In fact I'm rather delighted at what he'd done for me these few days while I'd been totally bitchy, so yea... Hope it'll continue =P but well, we were late for shopping and the trip to Hollywood's Secrets as I wanted, as usual. We always idled around at home and leave only when we almost can't make it. Guess it's okay as long as I can do it tomorrow.

We went to Kinokuniya for awhile and my mum called when we were walking in Ceni, and she asked me to go home so I can get some new clothes, for New Year perhaps. Wee! Just the perfect timing! I'm going home tomorrow to get some money from mum and shop around in AMK for abit to see if I can get some cheaper clothes before I go to Orchard in the evening. I don't like the idea of taking money from my mum but I DO need some new clothes, since my 'newest' one was bought like 5-6months ago. Not to mention I did not shop for almost a year before that. Creepy for a girl, I know.

So hopefully the shopping trip tomorrow will be a successful one~ A haircut, eyebrow-trimming session, new clothes, more new clothes, and some other accessories etc xD in which means, I have to sleep NOW or else I won't be able to wake up early tomorrow.

Before I do, I would like to thank my friends who have read my blog and expressed their concern :) it's sweet. Thx *huggles* It's nice to have some C's thrown my way - Care, concern, cash, w/e =p

Oh oh wait, I have another thing to talk about. WHO'S BEEN GIVING OUT MY NUMBER??!! Damn f*cked sia, I had THREE guys sms-ing me within FOUR days. And u know what? They all said 'hi how r u?' or something like that. The problem is, I didn't have their number on my sim card, and neither did the names 'Jason, Terrance, and David' registered.

I mean, David. I don't recall any friend named David who has my number, esp. from Zouk. He said, "know u from Zouk lor, I kok u on ur head, don't remember ar haha". I mean, hello, I hadn't give my number to any guy since 2yrs+ ago (I am attached since then, thank you), and 2yrs+ ago I wasn't exactly old enough to go Zouk. I don't even recall that incident @ Zouk at ALL.

Then Jason. Okay, I do have a couple of friends named Jason, but wth, he told me his email is yotaosky @ blah blah .com, really, WTF?! Anyway, he said he lives in Hougang, and even when he called me, I couldn't recognise the voice or any connections to him whatsoever. I've stopped answering his calls.

Down to 'Terrance'. I mean, what is he? Terrance house?! It's Terrence for fucking sake, and once he told me that name I was sure I never gave him my number. I told him with all the summoned patience I'd got, that he obviously didn't get my hp number personally from myself, that it was a fake name, and that I wasn't interested to know him at all. He then pestered me with dozens of sms-es asking, 'so can we be frenz or not' and 'what r u doing'. BRRR! Same for that David guy too! It's SOOOO frustrating!

Bah. Right now I'm so tired, I can't function properly for anything other than going to bed. Grumbling about those idiots won't help anyway. G'night~

Saturday, December 18, 2004

I wish I knew what came over me =(

Right now I'm crying. Hmm, or rather was crying. It was supposed to be a happy night actually, because I went to KTV with Kailing and Vincent they all and we had quite a fun time(even tho Mel promised to go shopping with me at Orchard today but didn't).

We just got back from eating @ Changi. We had initially planned to go a temple in Loyang to pray but we all got tired and setted off for home. On the car, Mel and I talked about Derek and Elaine who went missing for about a month (Derek drove without a license and he's sorta wanted by the law by not going to army yet and the license thingy, and Elaine is well, his girl.) Don't know what they are up to really. Wonder how they survived without money. I have quite a few possible ideas that Mel deemed unfit to publish on the net, so I can't type it out but, I wouldn't know anyway. All I care about is the money they still owe Mel, prolly about $1000+ in total unreturned. What they have done to us in the past were.. unforgivable too.

Anyway, thats not why I cried... We also talked about our sorta co-habition together, and I was telling him how wrong it was. We are still so young, and mouths have been spinning off about how I am like living with another guy now and not returning home much. I don't like the fact that my mum has to undergo such pressure. Hey, I DO go home, but that doesn't stop tongues from wagging.

He told me we're gonna get married ultimately so I shouldn't care about that too much. Even tho I don't mind that idea, we're still so young! We aren't out working yet and we don't know who we may meet or know in the near future. When I worked as a travel consultant a few months ago, I got to know SO many people, clients and colleagues alike. What if he meets a girl next time? What if I do?

Nobody can ever be so sure about the future.. I know I shouldn't sound so negative but its true. On the car, we were talking about, what if he has an affair blah blah blah, and I told him of how I would react. If he has an affair in the 30s, its harder for me to forgive him, esp. if we don't have kids. If it happens when we're in our 40s, 50s, 60s, I would give him a chance b/c of our long relationship. If he makes the girl pregnant, I would have to see if the woman's a bitch who wants to snatch away my husband, or another desperately in love woman who is torn between guilt and love. I would NEVER allow her to be accepted into the family (none of the other elders would anyway) but I won't make her abort. If she has problems I would take the child as my own.. but she will never be part of the family. Nor will her kids call me 'Da-Ma' or w/e. (Unless I'd taken her kid as my own. Then he/she will call me Da Ma -_-")

Haha I know I know... I sound so uh, naggy w/e, and that whole conversation sounded so DUH, but I'm quite strict with all this really... I just don't want my kids to grow up the way I did. As Mel and I chatted on, I got reminded of my past; the day my nanny, my closest kin for 11yrs, asked me to return home. I could still remember...

We were standing by the window pane in the living room.. She was looking outside aimlessly and her eyes were red from crying. I know what was going to happen but I tried to wish it away, but it did. When she told me to go back home to stay with my mother, she broke into tears. I stared at the fake firecracker ornament which hung down the ceiling, the shelves on my right, the curtains, outside etc; everything was like a daze... The memory from 8 years ago still lingers vividly in my mind.

The beginning days back home with my mum were harsh.. I slept with her every night crying myself to sleep, and my mum was angered and hurt by the fact I missed my nanny and my sister whom I slept with, and she would scold me, making me cry even more. Everyday I come back home from school to face the empty home, until a maid came 1 year later. Most of the time when my mum returned from work, I would be sleeping. My maids thru out the years were my closest friend.

I never had a father like my nanny's husband to reprimand me, to take me in hand when I do things wrong. Well... He's the father I always wanted. The only memory I had of my own father was him slapping my face when I was 2, just because I refused to share the bread I was eating. My nanny home was so different.. Father would sit me in my brother's room alone, closing the door and everything, and talks to me about what I'd done wrong, and how I should have done things the way they should be. He never once raised his hands on me.

Just as much as I understand why I had to leave that home, I couldn't help but feel hurt everytime I think about it. That's why i gradually grew apart from then when I was around Sec 2 - Sec 3.. But if any of them should see this... Christina Jie... I miss u all. So so so much...

Sigh. I know I shouldn't linger on sad memories, but I just can't forget it all. Who could? I wanna call my nanny and father to call them 'Mi, Pa' again.. But I don't dare to. We've lost contact for almost 2 years. When my sister got married about 3 years ago, they asked me to go and take family photos with them... I was so elated and touched... But now, sadly, it's a silent, mutual understanding that we aren't what we were anymore... And it saddens me even tho I know its inevitable.

Haiz... I think I go sleep le ba... Thinking about all these just makes me wanna cry more. I'm making my blog sound like a total sob, with all these emotional stuff I've been writing thru out the days. Since it's like published on the net for anyone to see, I guess I'll try to make it more entertaining or something... I don't know. Or like my bf just said, I should write more about us too =P Make him happy, make me happy. Hah. Oh well... G'night.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

*Beams*

'Sup all =)

I
feel so proud of myself. I killed a cockroach just now!

Idk why, but amidst the noise of my hamsters running their wheels and ruffling thru wood shavings, I heard a weird sound and I turned back to see one of the sons of the cockroach colony! (Note: If you have no idea what I mean, read my 1st entry from yesterday)

This one must have been one of the 'middle-ranking' sons; it was a grown up male but it was um, kinda skinny. Thats why I dared to pick up the Shieldtox (which I placed as prized property next to me at the desk) and sprayed at it. No way am I gonna let it go near my hamsters!

xD *beams again* I killed a cockroach~! Muahaha~ Even tho' I was too disgusted to pick up the corpse (I woke Mel up to do the dirty work), I'm one step closer to conquering my cockroach fear (I hope).

You know, I was surfing thru the links from my friend's blog just now, and I realised that the slut *cough* Haze *cough* I hated since way back, had the same song by Arvil that I used to have for my old blog's template. Eew~ Thank God I changed the song. (Yes I'm bitchy, muahaha. She should be glad I didn't post her blog's url here and talk about her ugly history. I should do that, since she offended me before, but I'm magnanimous okay! ;] )

Anyway, I needed to upload the pics for this new template somewhere, so ta-da,
http://photobucket.com/albums/v629/JenxGeR/. Hopefully thats the correct link to mah PhotoBucket account. I dont really know how to use it yet.

Also, I went to visit my mum 2 nights ago, she's quite fine now xD Hurray! And do you know how sweet she is? I was home the other night before I went to Chinablack, (for my pink princessy-like bag) and I noticed she replaced my broken Chanel foundation with a new one, and got me a blue hairbrush too! My fav colour! She knows I tend to break expensive compact powder/foundation (that was my 3rd Chanel foundation) so she must have checked my bag for me. It had been in my bag ages ago but she didn't tell me. Aww... x)

I just hope I don't break this 1 anytime soon. Yea.. It's expensive too. In fact all my make-up stuff are; my mum insists on good quality, and to her, high price and brand = good quality lol. Lucky me =P

Oh shit wait... I think I hear something... God damned problem was that I had both my bathroom and room's doors open when the cockroach was spotted... Idk where it came from, and now I hear that distinctive cockroach's-feet-dashing-across-the-floor sound. I can't explain how it sounds like, but I just know. Like I mentioned before, I have enough knowledge and encounters with em.

Okkaay... I should get to bed now... Since its late.. and the ruffling sound is like.. around my chair... hookkayyy.... I'll update again after I clean up the room tomorrow... G'night!!!

Ugh~

Ok the only reason why I'm typing this entry is a reminder for me to not eat any more Ba Guas, ESP. Gourmet Ba Gua, or bacon, for the next few months until perhaps Chinese New Year.

I just finished about 150g of gourmet ba gua, summing up to about 300-400g of it within these 2 days, and I feel as if I might melt onto the floor into a puddle of oil. I mean it. Its not the guilty sense of feeling that I'd prolly eaten up enough oil to supply for a week of standard family's cooking, but I literally feel sick with all that oil in me. It feels like I can pinch my tummy and oil will ooze out, or if I make small gagging motions with my mouth, oil will leak out.


Really! And they were pretty expensive, $5 per 100g. It's really time to spend that money on something else. Now's the only time I wish my hp bill will come sooner.


Anyway, I found this pic from Mel's hp that was taken maybe 4-5months ago. I really like it b/c it prolly made me look better than I look in real life. Rofl~ Maybe its because 4-5months ago, my appetite was still under control =X Nice ma? ^^" If u still feel that its ugly, theres nothing I can do lol. Like I said, it looks better than me in real life so there's that xD



Bleah... I need make up. I need... Better skin. I need... to slim down! >_<

P.S: I Luurrvveee my new blog skin! Isn't it sweet? I had a hard time choosing. Check out my credits and link section on the left!

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

OMFG~

Farktard. A colony of cockroaches have just officially shifted their home to my room!!! After being haunted by a flying baby cockroach 2 nights ago, the king , no hmm, I think the eldest son (since kings aren't supposed to come out unprotected. ANYWAYYY) popped over for a visit, or rather, to declare their taking over of my bf's room. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF IT WAS HUGE!!! I'm ANTI bugs, I hate any bugs from big ants, butterflies, wormy like stuff, to cockroaches, grasshoppers WHATEVER. SIX LEGGED OR EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS PLS GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! They totally freak me out >_> I once touched a dead cockroach by mistake and I ran about 150m from the spot crying, leaving my sis looking at me with jaws dropped.

Anyway, the cockroach was like, JUMPING, Idk really, it was on the rim of the door, trying to get to the wall beside it. So it went, hop, crawl back, hop. During this 2 years, 3months and 11days of our relationship, we've never seen a cockroach appear in his room before(despite the fact that living on the 1st flr, 1 of his window is like, next to the rubbish chute door) so we both freaked out. Took abit of hussle to kill it. Odourless Shieldtox, MUAH!!! Love ya!!

Anybody knows what I should do? I think the cockroaches came from the um, the sewage hole thingy? The 1 that drains away the water in the bathroom? Its connected to the sewage and I've seen baby cockroaches crawling out of the bathroom, so yea. I tried spraying water and Shieldtox into the drainage just now, hope it'll help. Is there some sort of cockroach poison I can drop in it?

We might have got rid of one of their sons, but their baby princess is hiding somewhere. It was like a grasshopper, the way it hop and flew away from my bf when he tried to kill it. I've had enough experiences with cockroaches crawling over my blanket and ARM to suffer endless sleepless nights. *Sob* Now my bf's place is starting to look like my home! Noooooooo >_<


Anyway, after making $170 from selling DarkEden game money (^,^ muahaha) I decided to get myself a mic soon. No harm recording my singing/songs into the com right.. Its also no harm if I'll ever need to send it as a demo 1 day... *wink wink* lmao the unlimited power of daydreaming.. xD Anyway, it's REALLY late, Ima get to my book or something before I sleep. Cya soon ;)

P.S: Yes yes my mood HAVE been better these couple of days, in case you're wondering =P Wee woo wee~! No harm keeping it like this before I turn all moody when the time of the month comes. *rolls eyes*

=]

As usual procedure of vain o' me, I went to check out (for the XXth time) the 2 pics I posted in the blog and regretted it =] I may be fat, but the pics made me looked UBER fat! Actually, its just my 'hamburger-a-gogo' cheeks. Hate em =
I woke up a couple of hours ago really bored, so I got down to doing everything I haven't been doing in a while. Checking my um.. online stuff? Friendster, neopets, email, fav. net bookmarks, etc etc. =] Sad life~ Lmao anyway, I couldn't figure why friendster wouldn't send me emails when people add me or send me msgs; I logged in and I had quite a bit of friend requests and msgs. Oh well..

I saw the RSS field option thingy for friendster, to like, show ur blog entries somehow? Idk how it works but I did it all the same. *shrugs* In my list of new friend requests, I saw my fren's, well, my ex's friendster, and aww, its nice to see him so settled down and seemed so in bliss. I envy them so much. And he's still so uber uber cute. Rofl. I admit I'm the flamboyant kind, b/c I still think about the past, and for what I know of him, I bet he thinks a lil too (maybe not of me, but at least his other ex's). -_-" Annyywwayy, not to get too off the point, I'm getting the 'I-feel-lonely-and-empty-all-inside-even-tho-i-have-a-boyfriend-of-almost-2-and-a-half-years' crap feeling again =] Shitty.

Am I asking for too much? Hope not. Its just, Idk, sometimes when I think about how stagnant and boring my life is, the more I wanna do something to change it. Not in the get a job and get busy sorta way... but.. you know. Uff Idk what spurred me to type all these; I hope my ex doesn't read my blog or else his gf would be cursing me behind the monitor, but yea thats how f*cked up my mentality is sometimes.

Anndd... The more I type, the more I wish to click the X on the top right hand corner without saving this shit. Lmao. Ahh... Girl of the 21st century.

Speaking of which, lemme unwind abit about a small incident I forgot to fill in yesterday. I was at Chinablack on Sat, right? When I stepped out of Mel's car (he went to park), my girl's instinct told me I had a few pair of eyes on me. I mean, at least 1/2 of those people were staring at my nunga-nungas (thats my british way of calling my boobs), and others were discussing whether I'm pretty or not. Seriously! My friend, Amy, was there too and she saw me, so she called me over and we talked for a bit. While I walked past a group of 4, they were like, checking me out. When I passed by them on the way back, I heard the 'golden' sentence that assured me that they were talking about me. 'But ta you yi dian fei leh' (But shes a lil fat leh) =]]] Who else but me? X_X I mean comon guys, you want big racks? Don't expect a skinny body to go along with it; unless its fake. I'm in the midst of dieting(again)~! When I DO slim down, I'ma kick all your gfs' arses LOL j/k -.-" Bah I'm Queen Boredyfer of Boredonia!

Seriously, does anyone have a quick method to dieting? Teach meh!!! =o~ *looks at her wallet* Maybe I should start going out to spend my money on pwettie pwettie clothes so I wouldn't have money for scrumptious food or late night 7-11 trips xD *stares at the snacks and tidbits she had placed strategically around the room* Ahh well...

Monday, December 13, 2004

xD

*Stretches and rubs her tummy* xD went to 'Five Star' @ Bukit Timah for dinner just now, couldn't even get to the 'Mai Pian Xia' (Prawns with oatmeal =d) so I da bao it back.. yum yum!Went to ChinaBlack ytd with ZZ Vincent they all @ about 11+, 12mn with their friends, lucky dont need queue up la.. Louis bought a bottle of Martell (YUMMM) and their friend was celebrating his bday @ the VIP seats.After 2months of 'bi guan xiu lian' (meditation indoors lmao) I finally come out of my 'cave' for some fresh night air xD and I had fun yesterday. More or less its because I got to drink my fav Martell without any restrictions (Melvin owe me it b/c he'd been breaking promises all week =x) and the songs were great. Well, at least the songs from 2.30am onwards were great. Lotsa LP songs, muahaha xD! Anyway, does anyone know the song which goes um, 'Woo hoo~! Woo hoo~! Ba la bi la beh beh bong (rofl)' and the fast speed Jet's song with the starting music soundin like the song from 'Under 1 roof'? You know, the 'One' album with a burger as the CD cover? They had this Jet song in the advertisement.. I wanna know the titles!!! =O~

Anyway, below's the 2 pic I took with the bday girl, Wan Ling, whom I bumped into at the ladies xD As usual, I look awful in snapshots x(

At the beginning of the intoxication of my fav Martell~ Taken outside the Ladies @ ChinaBlack with pretty gurl Wanling~! Note my still 'aware-ful' eyes~


After more intoxication... Note my reddened cheeks and slightly um, lusty eyes? LOL I looked like crap >_>


Friday, December 10, 2004

Silver lining Part 2

*Moans in pain* Damnit, I got sick again.. aching all over -0- 2nd time in this whole year tho; guess its not that bad. Just down with a lil flu/fever w/e. The perfect time to lose some weight due to the loss of appetite, lmao.

Anyway, I can't believe Toba Takashi replied! I thought that job application was a failure but he sent me an email on the 4th. Wee! Apparently he got busy @ work in London so he took about a month to reply -_- soo anyway, as told by my friend, I would be the manager of Dawn Yeoh (if its all successful that is). Don't know who she is? Google the name. Anyway, heres part of the email that excited me:

I'm planning Dawn's training tour plan. in the period, I need her manager definitely. Please let me know your schedule also. Project Title : Dawn Yeoh 2nd UK Training Tour Period : 17 April 2005 to 25 April 2005 Details : (1) Manager work for Dawn Yeoh during Tour Period. (2) Air Ticket fee is paid by Company (3) Hotel Fee is paid by Company (Same room as Dawn) (4) Food and Transpotation fee is paid by Company (5) No salary in this period. (6) Insurance is paid by Company I am arranging Dawn Yeoh Dance Training Session in London in April. Company will arrange payment for most of fee except your salary. pls let me know whether you can make it in this period. I will contact to you again. Thank you and Regards, Takashi Toba

Cool right?! I mean, yea it suck that theres no salary and such, but it'll be so cool to go to UK for free! There'll be a simple interview in January but I think if nothing goes wrong, I'll get the job. Meanwhile I can do some part-time and wait for the whole thing. *starts dreaming* No wait, I'll prolly suffer there lol. Waking up early in the morning, and taking care of every single thing like a slave, it doesn't seem that good. What if shes mean and bitchy? -0-" I hope not. Like I said, I'm not a girly girl type, so even tho we're about the same age, Idk if we'll get along that well. Ahh well~ Wait for my 'Silver Lining Part 3' k guys? lol~

Ima go work on my song now. (yes I've finally decided to complete and improvise on a song I wrote when I was Sec 2 :P) It's called 'Qiu Qian' (Swing) and maybe if I find a way to upload my song aka my singing on the Net for free, I'll put a link in here =X Anyyywaay, Ima go watch my BTVS episodes and then rest. Cya =)


P.S: Sly appeared in my dreams again.. =_="

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Sigh

*looks at the half-eaten bar of chocolate* Sigh. 4 o'clock in the morning and I'm eating chocolate! Boo >_> guilty guilty guilty~

You know, the 'idolization' of Sylvester is getting out of hand. I dreamt of him last night! -.-" It was quite a detailed one, and I remembered most of it even when I woke up but I shan't type in details. We were studying in the same school, I had a torch for him since ages ago, I'm on good terms with his older sis and she knows of my crush, but Sly falls for girls quite easily even tho he's famous (yea lol) and I know I wouldn't have a chance, blah blah blah. We were starting to talk more and hang out more together, but I woke up before the dream got on to the part whereby we get together eventually. Lmao! Funneh dream >.>"

Anyway, don't call me mad, but I'm thinking of setting up/or joining a band. Yes. A band. A singing band, not a orchestra kind or w/e. I've always pondered over it but I'd brushed it aside for other stuff. But now... It'll take time.. I need to make more friends who dub in that area and well, get a job to pay for the equipments. Lol. As some may know, I love singing, as to how I love acting, (aka love to be a performer) tho I aspire to be a policewoman. Contradicting, I know, but to me, they mix strangely well. I don't even have much of a gut to sing my best in KTV with friends, but a band's all I need to build up my confidence. I feel strong in both languages so I hope my band will be 1 of mixed genre... R&B, Jazz, Pop, Chinese Pop etc... This is a hard dream to achieve, and I'm getting older (19 this year btw) and if I want to achieve this... I wanna do it within 3years. 'Sides, I don't even know if my voice is considered good enough. I usually do better in English songs b/c I feel more confident at it.. I've friends who sing wonderfully in chinese so I never tried to out-do them @ KTV sessions or whatsoever. I like my voice when I sing alone tho :p Sigh. I w0uld love to get together a Chinese rock/R&B band which'll do English songs sometimes. Will I be able to do it? Idk... Most prolly not. Sigh. I feel useless... I'm not much of an achiever I guess...

So, anyone able to hook me up to a band who doesn't mind auditioning a female vocalist? I can play the electric piano too! Just that I'll need some TOUGH practices again b/c I've dropped it for a couple of years. Lmao >_> I'll definitely appreciate your help tho! x_x

Re-reading what I just typed, I guess it'll remain a dream. Period. I don't even have friends who dub in bands and gigs so I'll never have a chance. Right now I'm thinking of sushi for tomorrow, or some nice meal when I go visit my mum @ home again. Bleah~ Ah well, BTVS 2nd season's dl is completing in about 2 hours, gonna let it run and grab a book or sleep. Haven't got much to talk about asides my dream and my dumb hope so... yeah. 'Nite..

Thursday, December 02, 2004

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I can't believe it. I was so certain Sylvester will win Singapore Idol. I was by my com at 9.35pm just now, deciding between blogging to ask people to vote for Sly, or a trip to the MacDonald's drive-thru. I chose the latter b/c I was certain no 1 will see my entry in time, and that lots of people will vote for Sly anyway.

Even when I saw Olinda saying that she's voting for Taufik, I was still certain Sly will win b/c he did SO well tonight! (Olinda's filthy rich btw, now that shes out she coulda divert the votes to Taufik) I just wish I was able to vote for Sylvester. Melvin didn't allow. He was rooting for Taufik anyway = BOOOOOOOO

Sigh *chomps down a french fry noisily to vent her frustrations* This sux >.< See? I'm still girly after all =P Ima buy Sylvester's album when he releases it, and take a pic with the album and blog it MUAHAHA~

Sylvester Sim Xiang Long, I SWEAARR Ima make Melvin's friend intro u to me, MUAHAHA j/k actually, now that he's famous I don't think his sister will intro Sly to me neways lol (Since his sister is the medium of opportunity.)

Ok enough ranting. Ima get back to my MacDonald's and coax my bf since I sensed a tinge of jealousy =X k thx bye~

Monday, November 22, 2004

Com'on guys send a lil prayer for mah mum~ =P

Ahh~ I went to visit my mum on Sat, and thank god (not that I believe in him.. but ANYWAY) she feels better. She still complains, and got a lil weak from the pain, but I can see that she's getting on fine. When she had to do the leg stretching thing on the machine, she was fussy about the blankets around her b/c she had those hospital 1 piece dress on and no pants. It made us laugh and to me, it was laughters of relief.

My mum and I... We skipped the communication part for the entire 1st 11years of my life, so yea, the generation gap was pretty big. But like I said, things had gotten better between us and even tho we don't go around telling each other 'I love yous', we do talk over the phone sometimes and say "I miss yous'. Aww... That's sweet to even think about it xP I love my mum~

I'm going home to visit her tomorrow b/c she'll be discharged already.. All I worry about is whether she would be able to climb the steps. >_<

Anyway, I seriously don't know if there's people who read my blog on a 'regular' basis. I don't type in big words, or talk about interesting stuff other than plain old me. I'm still trying to get a firmer grasp on my English since I've dropped school for quite a while. Looking at the amount of visitors so far, I guess it really isn't much, but I'm really wonder who Mr 'anony' is.. (Note: Tagboard) Well Mr. 'anony', it's sweet of you to show concern but I wish I know who you are.. Or at least get to know you if you aren't anyone I know =o *wink wink* lmao. J/k on the wink wink part xD

I sorta took a break from ConquerOnline again, and went back to Darkeden. This cycle's gonna repeat b/c Ima get bored of DE (again) and go back to CO, before returning to DE again, or moving on to another game. God. I seriously need a life, a job perhaps, but frankly, I don't really give a f*ck even with my current deficit financial situation.

Idk... But if you scan thru my entries, you'll know that my life is basically f*cked up to the extent that it'll be a mess if I start fixing it. I'm not sure where or how to start, even. Ohh the horror... Another human waste of a thing exhausting the Earth's natural resources. *Bows head in remorse*

Dinner gathering with icytonger friends on 26th, boy are they gonna get a shock seeing how fat I've became. I might not even turn up tho, the more I think about it, the more it stresses me out.

I'd just received a sms from Liting not long ago, asking for a gathering (wassup with the gatherings all of a sudden?!) for us - Ting, Yan, Ni, Hui and me. Boy... I wish I could go; it's less stressful with just us old girl friends but the thing is, I quarrelled with Yan remember? Over my bf.. *rolls eyes* I betcha I've mentioned this somewhere but I'll go thru it again.

It was like, my bf? Me? Broke up a few months back, Yan came to accompany me; sleepovers and such, so I could get over him fast. We patched up, Yan disapproved of it, we both got angry and argued. Didn't contact from then on and when we bumped into each other on 1 occasion, she totally ignored me. Lingyan is sweet and basically my best friend but we're both hard-headed. We've sorta been thru this before but we were still classmates back then, so we made up quicker.

I guess I'll start by sms-ing her 1 day. Not now but... Soon. Right now I have 1000000000 other things to worry about. There's this upcoming movie with a brilliant title. "Series of Unfortunate Events." Suits me well don't you think?

Did I mention that my life's f*cked up?

Friday, November 19, 2004

*Rubs her puffed eyes*

Haiz~ My mood had gotten better after watching Sylvester on Singapore Idol (hehehe) but when I got down to the com I thought about my mum again and it saddens me.

I went to East Shore Hospital this afternoon to visit my mum. When I'd just reached, my bro, sis-in-law, Uncle maid and my mum's long-time friend, 'ah girl' auntie was there. My ma had looked rather peaceful lying on the bed resting. I noticed that she had both knees operated on and I breathed a sigh of relief b/c there had been problems raising the sum for the operation for both knees.

I went over to her bedside and I saw ah girl auntie with red nose and eyes and my sis-in-law was massaging my mum's legs for her... When my mum saw me, she looked so weak my eyes immediately started to water... She was in so much pain.. Man if this was my personal journal, I would be writing, "She was in so much pain Tommy," b/c thats what I named my diary... I wish for someone to understand what I've felt upon seeing my mum b/c it hurts so bad. I never thought it would be this terrible but looking at all the tubes in her and the way she cried in pain when she tried to move her legs, it was damn horrible... I wish I could have done more for her but all I did was cry and cry and hold her hands.

I was at a total loss.. It's like hell for me to see my mum going thru so much pain. If nothing goes wrong I'll be going over to visit her tml @ night when Mel gets his car.. I wish I stayed longer today but Mel has an exam tomorrow so we left early. But then.. when he got back, he played DE and watched TV until he finally got to his books 15mins ago. It sucks u know? He doesn't like spending time with my family, when I have to face his, everyday. He blames my mum for not trusting him enough, but who's to blame? He doesn't communicate with my mum enough to let her trust him.

I would have to practically beg Mel to go out to my family outings sometimes, or to come up to my house and sit for a bit when he drives me home, but he always gimme the excuse that he don't want to waste money on the coupons and such. Com'on, the coupons aren't even bought by him. We have other problems in our lives too... But they are too personal to bring it up on my blog =p anyway it's starting to affect our relationship... It's not really affecting him tho. To him, its that, as long as I tolerate it, he thinks everything will be fine... But I can't tolerate forever can I? Seriously, even with him sitting on the bed beside me now, I have to say that Idk if we could last till the end this way... I want someone to care about my family, willing to spend more time communicating with my other loved ones... Not this... Sigh. I just hope everything will turn out smooth in the end.

Haiz... Now that I'm troubled with all these frustrations, I don't have the mood to play games atm... Guess Ima go to read my book until I sleep ba... G'night.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

YAY!!!

*Cries out loud in happiness* My BTVS bittorrent downloads are finally working again! Whew! I was about to delete my incomplete dls and re-dl again but I finally see numbers on the program other than 0 =P Downloading 'The Twins Effect 2' atm, its only 700mb. Weird.. I'll be able to burn it all in 1 cd. Idk if its full but what the heck.

Went to watch 'Shark Tale' in the evening. Yea I know I'm kinda slow since the movie's like, 'old' now but it's really funny. Lenny (whom I guess is just gay) and Oscar are so cute! Idk who Rene is but the other people who did the voiceover fitted their characters like a glove. I'm glad I've managed to watch it before it gets taken off. 'Incredibles' is next :p It's been a long time since I'd last watched a horror movie, b/c my bf is simply, a C.O.W.A.R.D >_>" He can't stand ghost stories, he's prolly afraid to be out in the dark alone, and he can't even stand the commercials for the horror movies. So yea... I admit that I don't have much of a gut myself, but skipping horror movies for the past 2 years made me pretty much the same as him. 'Wanted to watch a horror movie myself, but all there is now is like um... 'Doll Master'. Thing is.. I have a fear for dolls. Blame it on Chucky. Or w/e it was that I've watched when I was like, 9? I remembered it was a weekend as I was up alone, watch the TV in the dark, and they had this Chucky episode and China dolls were killing people. It was soooo creepy it scared the hell outta me man... Have been afraid of any sorta dolls from then on hehe ^^" If anyone who read this, thinks it's funny to scare me with a doll, think again. You prolly don't know me well enough if you dared =P

So anyway, Mum's entering the hospital tomorrow night... No wait I think its Wednesday, early in the mornin', prolly about 5. The operation doesn't start till afternoon, but she has to like, check in to prepare and stuff. Idk if I'll be able to wake up that early to accompany her there. Should be going in the afternoon ba.. I still feel so worried for my Mum tho' I've already mentioned its not a life-threatening thingy, but I don't like hospitals at all *sniffles* I hope the operation will go smoothly.

Anyway I guess it's time to sleep... All the book readings I did in the past few weeks affected my looks. Seriously! I was like looking at myself in the mirror today and I thought, 'what the fuck, my eyes look smaller everytime I look at them. How amazing can it get?' It's like, my eyelids are uber puffed (not like the crying sort of puffed, but ugly nontheless) and the way they um, fold over? made my eyes look smaller.

I asked Mel and he said it's prolly due to my lack of sleep. Guess he's right >< but I've always been like this. Idk why, but I like to finish books in a single sitting, or at least as quickly as I can. It's a habit, due to the fact my mum used to cane me when she spots me reading non-textbook stuff. I had to hide under the blanket with a weak reading light to read in bed everytime and she will always come into the room and check. If she spots my books, they'll be confiscated. It sucks b/c back then (in primary school), me and my classmates had a book club in which we named, 'Anonymous Book Club' (lmao) and we'll pass around our books to share.

I know I know... Nobody thinks of me as the reading type. In their eyes, I'm more of a happy-go-lucky person who prefers spending my time clubbing or having fun then burrowing my nose in some books. Perhaps even shallow... But w/e it is, at least I don't read non-fictions, right? Well... Not all the time =P

Hehe ok enough of my craps... almost 2.30am now. 'Off to bed, k thx bye!

Monday, November 15, 2004

Uneventful day actually...

Yep, as the topic says, nothing very interesting happened. Played mahjong with Mel's ah ma, second aunt and their friend. I was winning in the beginning, but as time past I got real hot (b/c they didn't want to turn the fan on) and I got more and more impatient.

I lost $70+ sia... To all 3 'kars'. I was like thinking, 'there goes the money for my HP bill' but ah ma and 2nd aunt was nice to give me $20 back each b/c they wanted to win their friend's money, not an 'insider's' money. Hehe ^^"

Anyway, I NEED HELP!!! Boo hoo. My stupid bf went to cancel a BitTorrent dl I had just re-started; it was still checking its existing file and he closed it without asking me. Grr. Needless to say he was beaten up by me till he said he won't touch it without my permission again MUAHAHA~ But the thing is, when I tried to dl it again, it kept giving me the 'openurl error, operation timed out' msg. Does that mean my dl/file got corrupted?! >_> I took quite a few days getting it to 20% you know =\. Idk if I should delete the file and re-dl... It'll kill me if I realise the problem can be solved. So anyone who reads this and know how to solve it, please leave a msg on my tagboard. Thanks!

Anyway, had been with Mum for the past 2 days @ hm b/c she's going to the hospital to operate on her knees on Wed. It's not life-threatening; its the old people's disease whereby they lose all the calcium in the kneebones... Mum needs some metal support thingy to be put in there. Thing is, nobody is really helping her with the medical fees... The cost for 1 knee cost about $10,000+... around 12k I think... She's only managed to borrow $18,000 from the insurance company so she only can operate on 1 knee tho' she had laid off the operation till now so that she can have enough time off to operate on both. Looking at how it is, she doesn't have enough money... My stupid brother, or rather, my stupid sis-in-law with my W.H.I.P.P.E.D bro refused to help her out in the medical fees... Said that they don't have money. And look at who buys LV slippers for $700+ when it looks like any ah pek slippers from far.

They didn't even want to let my mum use their medishield/medisave. Said they have too lil in it, blah blah blah. Asked my brother-in-law to use his instead. I mean, seriously, my bro-in-law, or rather, my ex bro-in-law wasn't the best kind of man to my mum. He'd borrowed tens of thousands from my mum when he was still married to my sis, before he had an affair a few yrs after. Even now my ex bro-in-law treats my mum and sister very nicely, I don't see how my bro, as our mum's own flesh and blood, could do this to her. Nobody else in our family could help beside him. My sis declared bankrupt a year ago and she's been trying to make ends meet. Still she gives every spare money she has to my mum. Even tho I'm not working (I'm not that far better as my bro I know... sigh) but I always try not to take my pocket money from my mum. My sis, nieces and mum have been so awesome to me.. It sucks to see our situation like that :(

Jasmine's (my youngest niece, 16) god-bro (son of her god-mother) passed away in his sleep a few days ago. It's so awful... I heard he's only 26. Jasmine must have been devastated... That reminds me.. I should sms her and send my condolenses.

Sigh.. I guess this isn't really an uneventful day. It's just.. so sad to think about all the stuff that had happened. I'm so disappointed in myself that I couldn't help, and I wasn't even there to help in w/e I could...

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Fuck this shit...

When You're Depressed...
You feel sad or cry a lot and it doesn't go away.
You feel guilty for no real reason; you feel like you're no good; you've lost your confidence.
Life seems meaningless or like nothing good is ever going to happen again.
You have a negative attitude a lot of the time, or it seems like you have no feelings.
You don't feel like doing a lot of the things you used to like -- like music, sports, being with friends, going out -- and you want to be left alone most of the time.
It's hard to make up your mind. You forget lots of things, and it's hard to concentrate.
You get irritated often. Little things make you lose your temper; you overreact.
Your sleep pattern changes; you start sleeping a lot more or you have trouble falling asleep at night. Or you wake up really early most mornings and can't get back to sleep.
Your eating habits change; you've lost your appetite or you eat a lot more.
You feel restless and tired most of the time.
You think about death, or feel like you're dying, or have thoughts about committing suicide.

Fuck this shit... Even though I try to deny it, but I think my depression is getting worse... Mel always wanted to get me to a shrink but I rejected the idea... I don't want anyone poking in on my affairs. But right now... I realise I have all the 'symptons' declared for depression...

Am I really suffering from depression? The feeling of inferiority has always been there.. Since I was a kid. I can't put a finger to that tho.. And I don't see a purpose in life except to love and be love.. But it don't work out at all. Everytime I managed to build up some confidence in myself... Something will always come by and sweep it away easily like it was dust on the floor...

Mel always told me that if I felt theres no purpose in the world, what about him? What about my mother? My heart stings whenever I think about my mum... I owe her so much. We used to have so many problems and misunderstandings between us, the beatings, the insults, but now that she'd stopped, we grew close and I realised I really love my mum very much.. But all the more a pang of guilt hits me on how useless I've been... Dropping out of school and unable to find a permanent job... This all sucks.. I'm unsuccessful in most of the stuff I do in my life... Suicides have been attempted before but failed or stopped... I guess if I had more guts, they wouldn't have been able to stop me in time... This is all fucked up. Will I be asking too much if I want final peace..?

Boo >.> haiz

Just changed my blog's song to apparently "Let's Get it Started' by Black Eyed Peas. What I have on my com is 'Let's Get Retarded', and I've only realised now that its actually 2 version, 1 sings 'It Started' instead of 'Retarded'. It's damn weird... Why the different version? Only 1 word is changed, and I don't see how the word 'retarded' links to anything. Hmm... Retarded as in linked to t3h use of drugs? Perhaps.

--Ok this is bullshit... There's something fucked up about blogspot. I edited this post by adding the paragraph above, and my WHOLE PILE OF SHIT BELOW DISAPPEARED! AND THATS AT LEAST 6 PARAGRAPHS YO! Fucktard. Now I have to retype. I can't even remembered much :(--

At least 1 thing I'm sure of, is that my job application failed. Damn >< makeup ="X">= Monster Island, The Lost Slayer Part 2, Spike and Dru: Pretty Maids in Many Towns, (and 1 more I forgot =p). Michael Crichton: Timeline, Disclosure, Sphere. Currently reading: His book on Eaters of the Dead, something about Vikings. Recommended: Timeline, By Michael Crichton. It's awesome... I learnt more about physics and quite abit about quantum teleportation, prolly even Old English and Middle French =P:::

Friday, November 05, 2004

=O so its Bush after all

Hearts are crushed I supposed... After what I thought last night I didn't want Bush re-elected as much as before.

Maybe I'm feeling these for my friends since I do have quite a number of American friends. I've left and right wing supporters so right now they're pretty tensed lmao.

Like I said, tho' I had always wish I'm borned in Amercia, its times like this I feel lucky I'm not. At least I won't feel this damnation some of my friends are going thru now =P

I wanted to swim :( I was already preparing but it's all fated. I can't find my swim suit. I think I left it at home. Boo~~~~~~~~ I'm not going to the gym today. I had the 3 1/2 hours sleep thingy again. I fell asleep at 7am, woke up at 10.30am. Creepy, huh? I've calculated and it has really always been 3 1/2hours more or less... I seem to wake up automatically. *shivers*

Ahh well... Off to CO/book/sleep I guess... Will update tonight if theres anything else. Ta-ta~

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Ooh... America's President Election!

Hmm, seriously, I don't give much of a shit to the elections, but it's interesting to know the results.

I went to look at my friend, Leo's blog for awhile, and I saw some intriguing stuff I've not know of. He's stated in my link on the left... But I'll link it here -
www.copvcia.com or www.thepowerhour.com. Anyway, I had wanted Bush to be re-elected. To me then, I'd rather a dumbass than a power/money hungry guy for President of the super power country. The websites have got me re-thinking. A few years back during the 9/11, I didn't bother looking it up on the Net and stuff; I just thought that there was something to it other than what was shown in the surface. Couldn't put a finger to it. Good job Leo! =P It'd made me glad I'm in Singapore; small country, lesser shit and controversy than America.

Anyways, I'm not exactly the political type atm, esp. when I don't have much grasp on this issue. Let's move on :P

I'm into my 4th book in 3days... Yea no bs. I borrowed some books from the JE library on Monday, and fuck yea its huge and took me quite a while to find the books I wanted to read. I was suffering from Spike withdrawal u see HAHAHA.

Saw some Michael Crichton books and borrowed them too. I've completed 'Disclosure', re-read 'Sphere' just now, read one BTVS (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) book on Spike and Dru, now I'm onto my last book which is also BTVS =X. Time to go to the library again tomorrow heh ^^"

I had Fillet o fish meal (UPSIZED) a few hours ago, SINFUL though I have had lil dinner earlier on. I kinda wanted to go on a diet you see... >_>" Grr.

My body still feels weird, maybe from staying up and reading books by the table lamp. Eyes hurting, neck and shoulders aching. Sucks... Mel asked me to go to the doc's, should I? Kinda seemed like a waste of money... I don't supposed I'll have proper meds for it, just some advices and bullshit medicines and the consultation fees. I'll just try to get to sleep as per norm later... See how it goes.

Anyway, I bet any old friend who reads this will be thinking, 'Oh, her 'slim-down' plans, again. She ought to have more sense since she'd proposed the idea of slimming down dozens of time and never got around doing it.' I do, I mean, I KNOW THAT! ><


(freaky, part of my entry disappeared. Anyway, edit>>) The main reason why I'm trying to slim down besides the fact that I wanna look as good as I used to (vainity, yes) is that you know, karma might like me once again and give me a shot in that industry and let me climb up slowly. Maybe one day when I'm accompanying the girl to one of her photoshoots, and the photographer or person in-charge will come over and say to me, "Hey. Have you ever done photoshoots like this? You look decent. It might work for you to be one of our models. Wanna see how you'll turn out on our photos?" LIVE A DREAM BABY! =P

I know its pretty much impossible. It's not like I have a darn pretty face with only a slight figure problem. I have an average, if you don't mind :P, pretty face, yea just an average pretty face with quite some pounds to shed. Even if I shed enough to get the figure, oh heck, what am I hiding for, yea I have big boobs, so if I have a model's figure, it might do me good. But still, I'm not outstanding. In short, I don't think I have the whole package and just lack the x-factor lah. >_> all the 'model jobs' people ever approached me for are... um... How do you say... Not the ones I had in mind. Not anywhere close. So yea, I'm crossing my fingers for that job, ONE STEP CLOSER YO!

Ok, I'm getting stupidly excited over this. I shouldn't, b/c I got a feeling I might not get the job from Mr. Takeshi. Sigh. We'll see how it goes. Ta-ta~

-Gone to read her book.- *thinks* Maybe I should go to the gym and swimming pool for a while tomorrow...


:: Edit, 10mins later. I'm kinda freaking out.. lol. I wanted to come to the com to type about how funny it is to read about 'dark forces of evil' when after reading 2 Michael Crichton's book in a row, as my mindset now is more practical or prone towards ULF (Unknown life forms) instead of ghouls and vamps... Then backmasking suddenly came into mine, you know, secret Satanic messages when you play certain Rock n' Roll songs backwards... Since Rock n' Roll is said to orginate from Satan himself. Kinda creeped me out... Idk why. Maybe b/c its 2.30am in the morning and everyone's asleep, and here I am listening to songs reversed and hearing Satanic msgs... I'm lucky I'm atheist/taoist religion and not anti-Christ like I was a few years ago. Whew. :::

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Do I see that silver lining?

No wait, before I get down to explaining my topic, lemme whine a lil about how my body system is malfunctioning.

It's 7.40am right now, and I had woken up like, 5hours ago, after falling asleep at around 11pm+. This isn't the 1st time (note previous topic) and I thought it was b/c of the fever thingy, now that I'm fine, this got me puzzled.

I mean, I've been trying to tune my body clock back, by sleeping before 12-12.30mn for the past week now. All I've managed was to sleep till late afternoons (around 2pm, not a very significant change) or the sudden surge of energy in the wee hours and not being able to fall asleep only until mornings. This sucks... I know very well that I'm going to fall asleep after I have breakfast later, or slug myself thru-out the day till I get to bed early tonight, and repeat the whole process again. Grr...

Right now my eyes hurt for finishing 'Disclosure' by Michael Crichton in 1 night, by the table lamp, and my tummy still gets a lil painful due to that seld-made (Idk, dirty?) salmon sashimi I ate 2 nights ago. Life just stinks atm.

Oh I almost forgot about my possible job thingy... I went in IRC last week to d/l songs and crap with old friends (since I've pretty much MIA-ed from it) and Jimmy aka gup5ter PM-ed me. He asked me why v3n0m called him the other day... The reason I'd rather not bring up b/c it brings a sting to my heart. Sting of guilt...

N/m.. Getting back to topic, we talked and chatted about old times, and he asked me if I wanted a part-time job sorta thingy. I thought, 'hell yea, why not?' And he told me about this 'Artist Manager' position that his friend, Mr Toba Takashi might employ me for. You see, Jimmy was a finalist in a talent search thingy, and I think Mr Takashi was um, running that show then? So they got to be friends and such and Jimmy knew he might need people, so ta-ta, he gave me the guy's email, and I emailed him.

It took quite a few days for him to reply. I almost thought it wasn't gonna work. Well, it still might not pull thru, but at least I've got hope. I mean, artist manager, idk what it needs as qualifications seriously, just old and sensible enough? In short, its kinda like those 'artist nanny' sorta work, um, a sidekick to accompany the girl around when she goes for photoshoots etc. It's just glorified by that name.

Still, it seems interesting. If I get the job, I might hook up with a nice girl whom I'll get along with and earn money in the process, or a total bitch who'll boss me around. Who knows? It just seems interesting enough tho' I heard the pay isn't that attractive.

Who the hell cares, since I've been out of job for quite a while now? =P I'm just hoping I'll get a shot at the job... Will add a new entry to my resume other than sales or marketing.

Hmm... Moving onto other subjects, my didi, Alan sent me an invitation to GMail :D Wee I still have friends who think about me! Lmao yea its cool, 1 gigabyte wtf, I can store alot of shit in that email ^^". My Msn is still
jenxger@hotmail.com, idk if I wanna change it to the new jenxger@gmail.com, but w/e, u can still reach me on both.

Anyway, I have to go now. Time to slap some fucking sense into myself. Yea.. I got myself into more shit again when I have managed to pull myself outta it quite successfully. 'Have managed' is the word -_-. I'm sorry I can't share this over the net... It's just too private. All I can say is that its unfair to anyone close to me. I have to stop what I'm trying to do unconsciously. Time to snap out of it and hurt lesser people meanwhile.

Ahh... I think it's just the fucking too-much-time-on-hand problem; It's time for me to get a job again. Devoting time on other stuff and getting to know more people might just make the pain and problems go away... Or so I hope. Wish me luck!

Monday, November 01, 2004

Damn... I wanted to go to that Halloween Party @ ChinaBlack... Might have went in my old Jap school girl uniform (LOL) or some wacky outfit I can mix from my warerobe... But.. >.> Money is the ultimate problem heh I didn't have much friends wanting to go either; I wouldn't want to turn up in some wacky outfit alone do I?
Anyway, I've finally recovered fully from the fever. Yay! And I developed a crush on my new idol, yay! Check out the incredibly sexy guy, James Marsters! This is mah desktop pic.. Muahaha.



*Drools like hell* =d hehe he's my man... I'd always liked him when BTVS was on TV. I had liked Buffy with Angel then... But JM aka Spike came along and he's DA MAN! :X ok this is too much girly talk lmao, but he's helluva sexy and cool. And he's cute when he smiles... That's the killer for me. I have such a BIG THING for cute guys. Not exactly those baby-face guys... JM is cute.. Tall lanky guys with glasses will be cute too... (Only some)... Even bengs or goths can be cute... It all has to do with the smile actually.. Shy smiles from shy cute guys work too... Oh wth what am I talking about 0_0 *starts thinking of the cuties and Exs she know ._."* Bleah its hard to explain xP You know, perhaps that's the reason why I got together with my bf in the 1st place. He's downright ugly but has a cute smile when he's shy. LOL! J/k dear :P well he's kinda cute in some perspective and w/e bad points he has/had, I've grown to accept them already. So ANYWAY,

CUTE GUYS ROX J00!!!!!! =P

I'll try to post more pictures of cute guys here if I can... To share with the girls who might be reading *lmao* Lotsa things happening at home atm, so I'm not looking to get my digicam anytime soon *Aww* So no snapping pics of cute guys on the street! (Well I might do so with the hp if I spot a REALLY cute guy... Costly ya know =P I don't have the cable thingy.)

Okok enough about the girl talk haha... I just woke up 2hours+ ago after I fell asleep at 12mn... Don't know why but I kinda woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I'm feeling sleepy now.. So yea, gonna hit the sack later.

Oh anyway, Guild Wars is awesome! I played it the whole day on 29th, and it got a lil boring for me b/c all there is, are several quests (I heard there's only 7 atm) and once you dc you go back to starter town and you have to do it from scratch. So yea, it's either chiong to the end in 1 shot (which will prolly take about.. 4-5hours since 1 quest takes about 30-45mins at least) or keep doing the 1st few ones. All I managed was to the 5th one. It got too hard so my team gave it up.

I didn't play it on the second day, but decided to login yesterday since it was the last day. They have PvP up (player vs player aka PK) and it was cool. I haven't try it yet, but I like their efficiency. It's just a World Preview but they're constantly upgrading it. Cool WC3 graphics with a lil hmm, LOTR flavour to it I guess, and a good team working behind it. The NPCs didn't work too well for me tho; kinda confusing when we want to make an armor or upgrade stuff and there wasn't enough help around to learn stuff etc. Still, it's just the beginning. I believe it'll rock when its released officially. Heard that it'll come out as a CD in the end (like Warcraft) so I might buy it (Or bug Mel into buyin it lmao).

Yep, so that's my overall review for Guild Wars :p I give a... 3 1/2 out of 5stars for the World Preview, mainly b/c for its awesome realistic graphics and that its RPG =P You would have missed the event by the time you read this, na-na-ni-na-na!

6.40am... Boo >.> sticky situation. Sleep, or wait up for breakfast? *Back aches* Boo hoo...

*gawks at his pics* Omg... <3>
Ok here's 1 last picture for you girls to gawk at together with me, before I continue updating my blog :P

Monday, October 25, 2004

Sick sick sick...

Right now I'm typing in the dark... I've gotten fever outta a sudden after dinner, and dear instructed me to go to bed... But u know how it is. I feel so horrible atm.. I can't fall asleep.

I think I've gotten fever b/c of the 1 1/2hours walk to 7-11 2nights ago.. I slept the entire day (=p) and I didn't take any meals, so yea, I was freakin hungry at around 12.30am... He was too tired to drive me to the 7-11, so I decided to get 'tiki' and walk there myself even tho it was raining >=I.

That should be how I got my fever... Tho' its weird I only started to have the symptoms now. Boo it sux... It started with a backache, then a headache, and my hands and feet started to feel damn cold, and boom, next moment I was lying on bed wearing extra jacket and jeans, covered myself entirely in 2 blankets and closed the door and all the windows, and yet I was still trembling. Its only until 2 hours later (now) that I'm finally breakin a sweat.. :D

This isn't that bad tho... I've had worst situations. A few yrs back I was at the lan shop my ex worked in.. I felt the fever coming but I put it aside and accompanied him. He brought me for a walk during his dinner break and we went to see our friends playin basketball... 39.8degrees fever, out in the fuckin' hot sizzling sun at around 5pm+... lol I think u can imagine what happened next. I almost fainted at the court and he brought me home. My sis-in-law brought me to the doc, and he gave me an injection b/c I was running a high fever. Guess I was kinda like allergic to the injection; I blacked out at my block's lift.. =_= Fuck my weak constitution =X If I hadn't train it up in NPCC, I think I'll be one sickly lil girl in everyone's eyes lmao.

Oops tried walking just now... My legs are all wobbly =_= Better get to bed soon... *sweats even more realising her Stuggart match has started $_$* Ahh well~

Anyway I decided to quit ConquerOnline for a bit... Broke off all relations/friendship with Shin.. It sux, but its for our good, and leavin CO for a while will help cool things down. Guess Ima concentrate on MapleStory and the upcoming game, Guild Wars... (->
http://www.guildwars.com check it out urself)

*Begins sweating like a pig =p* Damn why is it that I have to be down with fever when lotsa things came into mind... I wanna find my hp charger, make the instant congee thingy my mum bought for me, play MapleStory etc etc... >_>" meep. K thx bye ><

Saturday, October 16, 2004

金枝慾孽 rox!! *sob*

Man.. I've just complete watching the 金枝慾孽 (War and Beauty), a drama series from HK. Man, Suen Pak Yeung (孫白颺) and Yuk-ying(玉瑩) ROCKS! Tho' they died together in the end, but its still so romantic that Suen Pak Yeung did not give up on her and they managed to live and die together despite the complexity of the Forbidden City. All the actors and actresses are soooo awesome! 林保怡, 陳豪, 黎姿 RULES JOO ALL! :O I lovee watching the shows they act in. I like watching 佘詩曼's serials too, but I don't like her as a person. Still *sob* I cried my eyes out when I watched the last episode. I'll be buying the VCD myself if I get the money... And I'm SURE SCV will play it on 55 one day since its a big hit in HK. Wee!

Anyway, Mel's dad bought a Queen-sized bed for us... OMG. Can j00 f331 th3 str3ss? Uh ok enough of acting cute, but he bought a queen size bed for dear's room so it'll be more convenient for us.. 0_0 Does this mean we're supposed to get married? Idk I don't really want to think lol my mind's still pretty much on the show... It's just awesome! Another great show after 帝女花~ Hehe...

Guess I'm off to play some
Maple Story ... I will try to update my blog some time soon~ ta-ta.

P.S: For my foreign friends + friends who don't know chinese... I don't care! Woo hoo! :P

::Edit:: I just realised the chinese words can't be read.. Can anyone teach me how to fix it? Thanks.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

R.I.P Pipi...

I.. just went to check on him... and.. Pipi.. passed away.

He laid peacefully by the cage's stairs... At least he didnt die in weak agony... But its all my fault... I pushed everything to 'tomorrow'...

Feed him sugar water tomorrow... Change his wood shavings again tomorrow.. Force feed him again tomorrow... If I'd done something for him today... It wouldnt have felt this bad.

I loved Pipi the most... But he has to be the 1 struck by this stupid, agonizing illness.... Argh.


I can't sleep...

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Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Haiz... Why are bad things happening to me recently?

After a series of bad events happening to me, more things have to come :( I've gotten over my bad birthday... But I realised that one of my hamster, Pipi, had this HUGE lump on his lower lip... He used to have a small small one on the right lower lip, and I thought it was ok... but WTF. Something that huge grew.. and I got increasingly worried b/c it says on the net that its either cancer/tumor or abcess...

Therefore I rushed to a vet in SunSet Way earlier in the evening.. All the way from Yishun (I went to stay over at Sis') and the vet verified that it was abcess for the small bit... But it might be a tumour for the huge one.

Abcess usually grows on the backs and bodies of hamsters but seldom mouth area... He explained to me that he doesnt suggest surgery b/c Pipi wouldn't have enough skin to be used to sew the wound up, and he prolly wouldnt be able to eat on his own for awhile and be very traumatised by the operation.. He's already 2, and reaching his end, but the thing was... He will end up dying of starvation.

Wtf... I mean really... I dote on my hamsters and pets ALOT. There's no way I'm gonna let them starve to death... But this time I have no choice. Pipi can't go for a surgery.. The abcess/tumour will get in the way of his feeding and he will eventually starve to death unless I manage to force feed him. But thats the problem. I hate to force feed my pets... It seems so cruel b/c they suffer like that. Thats the reason why I didn't get antibiotics at 1st... It'll be a torture for Pipi.

Still, I'm indecisive whether I should get antibiotics for him after all... Part of the reason why I didn't, was b/c I want to put Pipi to sleep when he starts to get very small size (he's fat before the tumour grew) becos of starvation or when I see him repulving and weak due to the pain.

I know its cruel to do that... But like what the vet and Mel said... Its better to end his suffering then prolong it.. My heart aches and tears form everytime I think about my poor Pipi... He'd started to slim down already. It's just all my fault. I should have brought him to the vet when the small bit existed. The big tumour might not be there today. And to think I took so long to realise that! It's huge.. It wouldn't have existed overnight... Its all my fault.. I should have changed the cages more often... The vet says we have to clean the cages everyday but I was too lazy to do so... And I'd only noticed when I saw that the food bowl was still 1/2 full... (My hamsters eat alot) Argh.

What should I do? Can someone suggest me? Set it free, keep it by my side till it slowly starve to death in front of me 1 day, or put it to sleep when he show signs of pain? Pls give me some suggestions... I'm at a total loss.

I'm still debating... Think I'm calling up the clinic tomorrow to ask if Pipi can use sand baths.. The abcess gets in the way for him to groom with his mouth and I know he's itching alot.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004


(Fang) Kailing and me~

(Ngiam) Kailing and me~

Monday, October 04, 2004


Elaine and me~
Therefore, to compensate for the dark pictures... Here's a bright zoom-in of me before the celebration lol.


Anyhow, here's some 'blur' pictures I took with my girlfriends that night.. Most of the pics are dark b/c the cam went out of batt and the flashlight didn't work I guess =(

Haiz...

Haiz.. I don't know. I really don't know. Was I, AM I, over-sensitive? Some typical guys might say I am, but I'm sure all/most girls, and even some guys, will agree that I wasn't.

Remember my previous posts that my birthday is gonna be a lousy 1? It is. Because of Vincent's uncertainty, I was forced to change my celebration at ChinaBlack to Ktv @ Shenton. I had only a total of 6 people who were going.

When we reached there, we called Yicai (he said he's coming) and he told us that he's with sperm, hock and bong. He told us to add another 12 people to the list of people coming, and I was actually quite happy about it.

So yea, we were singing, drinking, playing cards, playing 5; 10, joking around and chatting, and I thought, 'hey, maybe this isn't that bad after all.' Being the host, I decided to order a few jugs of beer and food for them in return for their attendance, and extended the room for another 1 hour.

Thing was, Mel and I had concluded that being guys, and comparing with past events, the guys will churn up their own share for the Ktv... I most prolly have to pay for the girls only. Besides, it wasn't as costly as most of their celebrations, so I thought the bill wasn't gonna be paid by me and solely me alone.

Then came the bill at 2.15am. Fucking $225.80... I've never spent this much at a Ktv before. John took the bill and passed it to me, and there was a unrecognisable expression on his face (FYI I think he's the richest person amongst us) and Hock DID ask how much the bill was, and slowly took out his handphone for the calculator... It sinked in that nobody wanted to pay the bill, or rather, share the bill. Some gave wide-eyed expressions when they heard how much it was. I waved at Hock and whipped out my wallet, paid the bill, and put what was left of my almost empty wallet back into my bag.

They came with no presents. Only Kailing was so nice to give me a surprise and got me a cake without letting me know (we already got a cake but Mel didn't 'bring it along'. Oh anyway his mum ate my cake my accident today, so I don't really have a birthday cake for today ha)

I was so emotionally shag from paying... I was already rather drunk and tired ( I had only 1 1/2 hours of sleep, remember?) that I had no mood to sing anymore... I believe anyone with eyes know that the bill was too much for me, but they all just ignored it.

When they went to have supper later, I went to the car and sleep. I didn't want to spend anymore money. I thought as I rested, that maybe they will like, talk to Mel and say, 'hey I think we should pay Jenx abit la... the bill is too expensive.'

No. They didn't. I mean, some of you might be thinking now, 'Wtf... Why so lame? If you want to invite people to your celebration, you have to pay.'

True enough, for some points. But I'm a girl. Out of the extra 7 people who turned up, 5 were the ones who said 'I don't know leh... Like not much people going.. If nobody go, I not going hor' blah blah blah and made me change my celebration into something I didn't want. I wanted so so much to celebrate at ChinaBlack.

I blamed it all on Vincent at 1st... But Mel told me just now that it happened to be his mum's birthday too, and he came to my bday celebration instead and quarrelled(?) with his mum. I don't know, I've never gotten his own side of the story. Anyway, for that, it was kinda my fault.. I didn't know his difficulty and 'stressed' him into coming. No wonder he'd given me a black face when he just reached. Sigh. If only he told me that he couldn't come b/c its his mum's birthday; I wouldn't blame him or w/e, and will be able to confirm my celebration earlier. I didn't even msg ZZ or think about him yesterday, since he has his reasons not to come.

Still, I know all this will turn me crazy or really against them all now, and I should stop thinking about yesterday but... I can't. It angers me so much, I simply can't. I can choose to stop talking about this now in the blog, but I won't be able to forget it. I had fun yesterday... I admit I did. But I did another thing too - I've finally seen thru what kind of people these friends are.

Therefore, the simple sum derived from MasterCard:

Cost of Birthday Celebration: SGD$225.80
Realising the true selves of your friends?
Priceless.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Friends? Friends my FOOT

So much for getting psyched la... All bullshit. BULLSHIT. No more ChinaBlack celebration for me. I feel so fucked up miserable now. One by one telling me, 'seems like nobody's going leh.. If nobody go, I think I'm not going hor... Sorry har... Happy Bday.'

HAPPY BDAY MY FOOT. I mean, friends of 2yrs+? I'd say its time wasted. Of course, I still have some friends going (I'm changing it to KTV), but it was halved from the original lesser group that confirmed with me.

I'm gonna take those friends who turned up as real friends now; those are the ones who really cared about my bday and not the place/people. To think the ones who couldn't turn up were the ones I'd gotten closer to.

A couple of them haven't confirmed with me yet, but I know their answers are sure 'No's because ZZ and Derek are at Devil's... Vincent most prolly joining... So needless to say, the booze, the women, the club, the people etc won most of them over. I'm not angry over that.

I'm just saddened at the fact that an original group of 12+ people shrinked to about 6 due to 2 human factors: Vincent's uncertainty and the lack of Zhizhong's presence. This is MY bday, not just another outing, I thought I deserve more due respect. I was so worried in the afternoon that Vincent's not coming... Now I couldn't care less.

I hope to celebrate my bday with Shalyn tomorrow prolly with the icytongers (provided she's not celebrating today like I do), at least that'll make me happier, provided I woke up in the mood to go out. I might just shell up at home feeling all inferior about myself, dropping into that god-damned depression again.

Even if I don't get to taste my fav Martell later, I'm gonna freakin' drink myself drunk with freakin' beer at the freakin' family Ktv lounge at freakin' Shenton, celebrating my freakin' fucked up 19th Birthday. Cya!

Definition of Acting Cute =\


Muahaha~ this is meh... Beginning to get all psyched for tonight! (pre-make up that is =P) Oh fuck... Tailz gonna laugh at me for acting cute again. Bleah.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Oh freaking hell... freakin' freakin' hell

I didn't even expect to login actually... Mel came for a stayover, I'd cut my internet connection at home becos of that darn antique was corrupted by the millions of porn sites my brother visited, downloading hundreds of spyware and virus at the same time. Argh, I'd never even bothered to switch it on. (And did you know what was searched in my yahoo search bar? 'Incest'... 'Group Sex' and my temp. internet folder had lots of incest websites on it... damn... I can't believe I'd stay with him under the same roof for 9 years.)

He brought his laptop over to play his Rome - Total War, which wasn't that good for the ratings it had. I have nothing against the game... just that, its so similar to other 'total war' games. It cost 60bucks and I didn't think it was that worth it. Idk, I guess its just not my type of game.

Anyway, his laptop has the wireless lan card... And it picked up wireless connection in my block :O which I never did with my own laptop. So viola~ Here I am =d

Anyway, in regards to the topic, yes, I'm in a terrible mood. I just realised from my friend that you don't get seats at Chinablack by reaching early... You have to reserve em. Thing is, I don't even know whats the price of a bottle of Martell there; I might be able to afford it after my bro give me an ang bao, but it's like, so rushed! ><>.> I can't go back to sleep now... If I do, I won't have time for my hair, my lil shopping, getting back to Mel's place, and preparing for the night's activities.

Damn I just feel so sick and tired... I just got this fuckin' bad feeling that my birthday celebration is gonna suck... I don't even intend to ask my boyfriend to get cakes :(


Its (gonna be) Mah Bday!

Well... Heh :P I'm celebrating my bday tomorrow, so I prolly can't update the blog until like, late sunday (b/c after celebrating it at Chinablack on Sat, I might have a lil gathering with my old da friends on Sunday... I'm not too sure about that, my friends are not confirming with me yet. So yea, earliest will be Sunday afternoon, but Ima post 1st ^^.

I was actually quite disappointed just now... Some friends called up and told me they can't make it tomorrow, b/c it clashed with ZZ's bro's friend's bday too.. So Vincent and prolly "He Mo" (Harrison lol) and Derek's gonna go with him.. they closer friends mahz. I'm just their hiadi's gf, I respect Zijian (ZZ's bro) so I'm not gonna bear a grudge.. Sui bian ba.

All I'm worried about is the amount of people going... I hate seeing a small group of us and it isnt as fun as what we do in the normal group. Vincent jio-ed us out tonight, prolly Ktv or chiong? Idk I'm not so sure, but I got a feeling its kinda like, to make up for not being able to attend my bday celebration tomorrow..

I understand that they can't help the situation.. But I can't help but be sad :(. Who won't? Frankly speaking, I hadn't had a very enjoyable bday for years.. Most of the time it's just me and friends getting drunk and party till late, go for supper, then go home. That's the cycle... repeating and repeating. Nothing special.. you know? I gave up my close bunch of friends.. the 'icytongers', those people who I really had alot of fun with, like bel, deron they all.. I never had a sad day hanging out with them ever since Leo introduced me to Stan and others. Yea we act like kids sometimes... actually, we were kids I guess. Back then, some of them were like, 15? We spend alot of time slacking at coffeebean/starbucks or CP's Yabbe... or Fisherman's village, to joke, talk, just enjoy each other's company. Birthday celebrations werent dull too. Man I miss them... Hope I'll be able to catch up with them soon...

And so, I gave up the time to spend with them, and spend it on Mel and his friends instead. The bday celebrations I had with them isn't as special and heart-warming as the celebrations I had with my friends... I mean, Vincent ZZ sperm they all are my friends too, but it was based on "She's Ah mel's gf" so despite seeing each other often, how close can we get? They are a tight group of hiadis who bonded, I'm just a girl. Machoism... Or however you spell that as.

Sigh... Gonna go prepare my stuff for tomorrow now. Gotta go to a couple of hairsalons nearby to ask the price for trimming and temp. perms.. Yea I wanna try having those small 'waves' at the tip of my hair... But I might just straighten it if I decide that it makes me look older than I already am. Oh and I should get some new clothes too...

BLAH. Birthdays. The day woman dread and love at the same time. Boo!