Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Spoiler ahead - War of the Worlds.

Wee! Just came back from the movies after watching "War of the Worlds".

Not gonna talk much about what happened in the movie, but I'll talk about the gist - I rate it 3*** out of 5 stars.

The war scenes and human emotions in play were awesome - Curiosity that led the people to the spot that a lightning hit repeatedly, gawk at the tripod-like robots that came out from the earth, jump onto the only working car - Tom Cruises' and everyone tried to "hijack" the car for their own use, and eventually shooting at each other during the struggle.

Then there was also the man in the basement who offered shelter to Tom and Rachel (the daughter) and seemed calm and collected, but instead was already driven slightly mad by the onslaught and wanted to fight the aliens. He was ultimately killed by Tom because he was getting pyschotic and might attract the aliens' minions searching the land for surviving humans.

I'm gonna skip over the fights' descriptions and how they operated etc, so I won't spoil the movie for you, but all I can say is, the reason why I gave 3stars and not 4, is that the ending was too abrupt.

The aliens were apparently unbeatable and invincible, and they had planted the tripod machines below our feets since millions of years ago before human existed, yet they died within a few days.

They had millions of years to plan the invasions, and I mean, there's UFOs and everything right?

With the alien abductions and everything, I thought they had learnt enough to prepare themselves. But nah, the most intelligent and advanced lifeforms in the universe decided to bypass the most important factor that differs Earth from other planets. Right.

Not gonna tell what caused the aliens' deaths... But I guess you should know. It's the ending of all aliens - They either get destroyed by some uber weaponrys like the nuke, or they die due to ********.

I reckon Spielberg could have done a better job for the ending.

Enjoy the lookie.

That actually means I'm posting alot of pictures today.

Here's the first. I bought them off Yahoo! Auctions a few days ago and I'd finally picked it up from the friendly seller in City Hall on Monday.

"Grr, argh! *Voice from the left: I'm one of the Gentlemen. Would you like me to cut your heart out?"* *Voice from the right: I'm the Master, bow down to me and never deny my orders!"

Went to Malaysia today. Didn't get the Kota Tinggi trip we were promised. My father said that Mei Rou (my half-sister) had school tuition so she can't skip it. Can't say I was totally surprised.

Xinyi, my youngest niece, smiling and waving for my digicam on our way into M'sia.

"Hi, I'm the adorable brat from the Lim family who will soon not be the youngest one to dote on in 5months, so I'm making the most of it. So there!" I then left my digicam in my "Jiu Jiu"'s car forgetfully.

We went to Holiday Plaza/Inn (Forgotten the name of the mall) immediately after a yummy lunch of Bak Kut Teh at "Zhu Ling".

Got myself these all from there:

2 pack of necessities, 1 pack of cutie-looking Pall Mall (Is it me or did the small pack shrunk in size again?), a shirt from Scratch, and a pair of sunglasses, complimentary of my bro and sis-in-law.

The shirt's meant for Mel but it fits us both so I imagine myself wearing it very often once he goes into NS in about 11 days' time.


Magic The Gathering, 20 years from now. Actually it's just an "old friends" gathering that I gather is a little awkward - From left to right: The bumper of my father's Rolls Royce, Mei Rou, my dad's wife, my dad, my "E-poh", my "Biao Jiu", my bro. Still, my dad and my Biao Jiu are on pretty good terms.

Still don't get what I mean? Alright, I'll enlighten you. The 3 white pants on the right are my mother's relatives, and the 3 on the left are my dad and his new family. So there.


My dad, and my 10 years old half-sis.

I admit, it stings to see my father apparently devoted to his current family after what he'd done to mine.



Do you understand what I am trying to indicate, with this picture? Look carefully. What do you see? Gates, 3 humans, a bungalow, tiles, and well, 4 cars. Three in the middle of the pic, and 1 near the backyard. There's also another car to the right side that I wasn't able to get on the pic.

Allegedly, they still have a Mercs and a couple other cars, a.k.a every freaking person in my E-poh's and Biao Jiu's house has a car for themselves. Maybe a spare family car if they wanna go out together. F*ck the cheap cars and land in M'sia.



My dad. The man who was never really in my life; I barely remember about him aside the incident when I was 2 or 3 years old - He slapped me when he returned home one day and I refused to share the slice of Gardenia bread I was munching on.

I picked up most of my traits from him - Bad temper, pauchy cheeks, night-owl, rebellious, lazy, charms. Yea, my bro and I are practically made from his mold...

So anyway, it was a taxing day for me; had to take care of Xinyi most of the time because she was acting like a brat for no reasons (The only reason I can derive is that she IS a spoilt brat. Full stop.) and holding some of their bags for my bro and sis-in-law. They should have just asked the maid to come along *Grouches*

Then I had to get laughed at by my bro and sis-in-law (even my mum, when she heard it later)when my dad and his wife commented that I've slimmed down a lil. That my eyeline was ugly just because she doesn't use or appreciate eyeliner, that the t-shirt I bought was too small and looked ugly on me.



Is it really that bad? I actually felt comfortable and nice-looking in it. Sigh.

I also ended up having a fight with my mum when I got home. A huge fight that ended up in me stomping out of the house and demanding that Mel come fetch me that instant.

Frankly, she'd never really got over my dad despite the valid reasons that forced her to leave him years and years ago. She was so cranky and gan jiong the day before I went to M'sia, she kept bombarding me with threats that I'll suffer for it if I get home late/delay everyone etc etc. She even bought a present and asked me to give it to my dad as if I bought it.

If my intuitions didn't prove me wrong, I think she was peevish that she never dared to face up to my dad all these years, and was taking it out on me when she suddenly started complaining I'd left too many working clothes over at Mel's, which adds up to a grand total of three tops.

I was fuming and thinking, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT? GET OUT OF MY FACE! Feeling rather melachony myself, too!

I get a.b.s.o.l.u.t.e.l.y pissed off whenever she's like that - She complains and demands and threatens when she's cranky; She does everything that is clinically proven to piss people off.

I mean, I try to understand, you know, but it's so bloody hard everytime. Women in my family tend to just rattle off whatever is in their heads, and even if they regret it later, they're too head-strong to admit they are wrong.


A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain.

- William Shakespeare

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Mehhh.

Just got back from Mel's mum birthday celebration dinner. *Burp*

Logged on to Friendster and saw this:

Subject:
hi
Message:
hey !Wanna meet for do somethings, just msg me or call me .... ..!John the great rider. here is my no. 93819312.

Men. And the English. Brr. He's not even in my friend list!


Thank goodness I've been surrounded by oestrogen all my life and escaped the evil clutches of testosterones.

Yes, feel free to give prank calls to that guy on my account, and mock him for his English. I'm too tired to bother. Grazie, Molto gentile.

Anyway, if you've been watching Project Superstar, do give my junior from sec. sch a vote!
M2 - Leon Lim. I'm real proud that someone from Naval Base Sec is able to fulfill his dreams.

My father wants us - namely me, my bro, my sis-in-law, and their daughter - to go to M'sia on Tuesday to celebrate his birthday.

When my mum called me, I was like, what the f*ck, he'd NEVER asked us to go celebrate his birthday before! Yea, I don't know his D.o.B. Heard that he's been asking about how I am from my brother when they chat occasionally over the phone. That's... nice, I guess.

Sometimes cusp of incandescence overtakes me and makes me scornful towards my parents for not giving me a complete childhood... I really love my mom, but, she was a mother whom I saw less than 2 hours a day, beat the daylight out of me and rummaged through my diaries and belongings, and a father who is more like a distant relative, who left my life since I was 3 and abused my mum.


That made the recalcitrant girl I am today.

I can't imagine what my life would be today, if I did not have my nanny take care of me for 11 years.

I'm not going to be ostentatious and say that I don't feel anything about my father, but it's only a longing that he's the father I don't really have.

Even tho he did want custody of me back then, I kinda felt like he has repudiated me over the years. You get what I mean?

I know some might say that it's better not to have a father, than to have a bad one. True... But still, I've kinda always wanted my father to be at the "red table" on the day I marry, but then, he wasn't around even when my bro got married(because of my mum's consort), so I guess it's fairly impossible.

Do I, do I need to buy a present for him? Man, I don't know! Maybe I'm panicking. My internal monologue is screaming, "Don't go! Don't go!" *Takes a deep breath*

Sigh. Nevermind, let's not talk about this. Anyway, I'm going to City Hall tomorrow to pick up my BTVS figurines! They're actually villian characters, but it's a start. Yay Yahoo Auctions!

Anyway, here's this:

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on educationYou may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.


The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Wow, this sounds familiarly like me. =P



My spirits, as in a dream, are all bound up.
My father's loss, the weakness which I feel,
The wreck of all my friends, nor this man's threats,
To whom I am subdued, are but light to me,
Might I but through my prison once a day
Behold this maid: all corners else o' the earthLet liberty make use of; space enough
Have I in such a prison.

- Ferdinand, The Tempest Act I, Scene II, William Shakespeare

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Argh... Bad day.

Firstly, I lost the auction for the CD I pinned for - Apparently a dozen bids occurred when I was sleeping, and it ended one hour before I woke up.

Secondly, I had a weird dream when I napped in the afternoon(I'd just woke up, due to the nightmare).

It started as a festival or something, perhaps New Year, and everybody was revelling in the holiday gaieties. I was reminded by a friend that I should send my SMS of blessing(that apparently will appear in the sky for all to see) along with all the others.

I felt kinda... Well-loved, like I had many friends. Mel's 3rd aunt kept hugging me before I realised it was actually Mel.

Then 2 man gave my mum a box of stuff each, because she gave a list(mine, it was sorta a to-get list, for my own) and asked a man to get them so she do him a favour/forgive him. I know the list was mine because somehow, hp straps was the last item on my list.

Another man overheard and he went to get the things too. He got the better version; The first man got the cheaper and discounted version.

I heard commotions in an alley nearby, and I recognised the voice of my mother's consort, whom I always call uncle.

I heard him telling someone that I wasn't my mum's daughter. I went over angrily and saw that he killed a monster/demon which looked like a scarecrow, right after he told him that.

I wasn't afraid of the demon corpse. I had demons/monsters around me when I was walking down the stairs in the earlier part of my dream, and I didn't panic, or whatsoever.

I spat in uncle's face that I am my mum's daughter, and told him not to accuse me. I then turned on my heels and walked back to my mother. (Weird thing is, I don't hate him in real life; I kinda like him.)

I then took some nice looking diamond accessories and items I liked, and kept them in my small purse when my mum told me I'll lose them again anyway. I then told her she has another set.

Next scene zapped to my primary school's canteen (Yes, I dream of scenes happening in my Pri. Sch's canteen alot too, don't know why. The school was scrapped and conbined with Ang Mo Kio Pri. Sch years ago.) and my mum was sort of languid, so I went to buy her a cup of drink.

I bumped into my Cousin, Ah Yun jie-jie, who can be considered as my sister, because her parents, my Da Jiu and Da Jiu Mu, "guo qi", er, made her my mum's daughter in name for a few years because my mum's "8 characters"(Ba Zi) was strong and able to "hold down" my cousin's "8 characters"(maybe still now? I'm not sure. Funny Chinese traditions) so she's technically my sister.

So anyway, I bumped into her, and she went over to accompany my mum and I to talk awhile. Jasmine(my niece) magically popped up in that scene, taking over my mum.

Ah Yun jie-jie is a very sweet person, in real life and in the dreams, and she gave me a feeling that she was having troubles in something but I'm not sure what is it. She was pretty resolute to overcome the problem, and had a sanguine complexion, so we didn't worry that much.

I took a photo of her closing her eyes and smiling in determination, on my digi-cam.

The next day, Jasmine and Eileen(also my niece but she is the same age as me) were flipping thru the magazines.

We were worrying about someone(the memory of the someone is blurred... I can't remember. But I know we were worrying about her because she was a no-show for a day) and I was playing with my, well, megaphone (hehe) and thinking about the missing person.

Jasmine went rigid with tension as she flipped to a story, and shrouds of anxiety hit us.

First, we saw a picture of 3 teenage Malay boys with a different megaphone, stumbling for their balance, their countenance defiant.

Our hearts beat fast as she flipped to the next page with quivering fingers... And we saw my cousin(Ah Yun jiejie) dead, in a bathtub that had some water in it, and a megaphone indentical to the 1 the Malay boys held, dented into the bathtub beside her head.

We screamed in agony and shock, and some of my voice was emphasized thru the megaphone. I had a weird feeling James Marsters was there behind me, as my consort, as I heard his voice screaming with us.

It was then, that I finally woke up in fear.

I hope it's just a nonsensical dream... Apparently, that wasn't the first time I dreamt of someone dying. Heck, I've even dreamt of my ex, Leo, dead before, and nothing's wrong with him. Yes YOU, SyraLeo. Lol.

Weird, huh? Like I said in my May 7th entry, I like to dream. I like them when they are vivacious and funny, and I'm actually quite proud that I often manage to remember my dreams in details.

Albert Einstein needs a notepad and pen by his bedside to remember his dreams, but me? No no. *Taps head to emphasize*

Thing is, my dreams are sometimes deeply distressing; Deaths, quarrels, ghosts. This was one that frightened me.

Any professional care to analyse my dream for me? Sigh.



Be not afraid; the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices
That, if I then had waked after long sleep,
Will make me sleep again: and then, in dreaming,
The clouds methought would open and show riches
Ready to drop upon me that, when I waked,
I cried to dream again.

- (Caliban, The Tempest Act III, Scene ii), William Shakespeare

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Personality Disorder Test

DisorderRating
Paranoid:Moderate
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Moderate
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:High
Narcissistic:High
Avoidant:Moderate
Dependent:Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:Moderate

-- Personality Disorder Test --

Men are teh evil.

Too soporific to enter a proper entry; will do that tomorrow night.

Here's some choice jokes about Men. Enjoy =)



How are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 60 seconds.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One ... men will screw anything.

Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, then it's our job to stomp them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we would hopefully like to have dinner with.

How are men and parking spaces alike?
The good ones are already taken, and the ones left are handicapped.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

How is a man like linoleum?
If you lay him right the first time, you can walk all over him for the next 20 years.


What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
They're usually intended for children, but it's the men who end up playing with them.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

The three words most hated by men during sex?
"Are you In?" or "Is It In?"

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What men know about women.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

GWEHEHEHEHE

[ I bidded. I BIDDED!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! ]

I love you Mel!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! He dotes on me alot, and almost always give in whenever I persist; skipping work, skipping class, urges for late night suppers, to buy something, etc etc. We know that skipping work and class is bad, but who could I blame but myself? His soft spot makes me go Aww...

After spending about $80+ so far on online shopping, I'm a little broke.

I went to check the CD I was watching on Ebay, and someone bidded! I groaned and moaned and flipped on the bed in agony, until Mel told me he'll pay 1/2 for me. HAHAHA!

My max bid will be US$25 tho.. If the other guy decides to outbid me, then...


ARGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Dances around like a mad but happy girl* Oh yea, I've received 2 packages today. 1 was the rings + bracelet + hp strap, and the other was the black off-shoulder top.

Sad thing was, the top's really SMALL! More like for mini-Me :( I tore into the envelope like a greedy little girl, but once I took the top out for inspection, I was devastated.

The shoulder length was okay, the waist size was okay, but with just a look, I knew the chest length wasn't enough. I'll never be able to squeeze it past my chest. Sigh. I didn't even try it on.

It'll look good on my niece, Jasmine tho. That's why I intend to pass it to her when I see her. Thank God it cost only $6 due to the GSS, and it made me learn my lesson to be more careful buying clothes off online boutiques.

Right then. Gonna go sleep. I "concussed" till 6pm today, so I guess I should try to fix back my body clock.

Love you all, my friends. *Kisses and hugs*

P.S: I've bidded another US$20 on some Spikes a.k.a James Marsters merchandise, before I realised all the ebay stuffs will deplete the $100 my mum gave me last week. Oops!


Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

- G.K Chesterton

Monday, June 20, 2005

My soundcard's spoilt...

I think the soundcard's spoilt because I haven't let the PC rest for weeks...

Just when I felt like watching some of my favourite clips downloaded on the com...

WHY? WHY NOW?


No...



NOOO..................





NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Anybody kind enough to buy me a present?

Click here if you're kind enough to buy me a present, an advanced birthday present even.

I'd been going to CD shops everywhere in search of his CDs(even Cash Converter! Lol), but in vain. I don't think any company imported it over. Sigh.

I just paid about 8pounds for a calender that'll be coming from Newcastle, so I promised myself I'll take a "shopping break".

The CD costs about $50($34 + $15 shipping) after converting into SGD, but I don't mind paying for the shipping if you want :D

I know I'm dreaming to think someone will ever bid that for me, but a girl's gotta dream xD


-Goes drooling at more James Marsters merchandise-

Friday, June 17, 2005

OMFG haha online shopping rocks!

Ahh... Nothing, and I mean nothing, beats the satisfaction of a good shopping.

Even if it's only online shopping.

aB, yes, it's ALL YOUR FAULT! =X But I'm still thankful to you, my online shopping guru! I'd the urls from her days ago, and Mel had been buying NUFC stuff off ebay too, and temptation finally caught me afoot.

Got these from
www.dressense.com :


And the bracelet was the last piece. You can't imagine the satisfaction of seeing the word *sold out* xD~~~

These, from
www.e-shop.com.sg :



And I got a black 2way off shoulder top from http://www.estrellashopping.com/. Apparently that was the only piece left, and the picture was removed from the site after I purchased it XD

Here's what Mel bought from Ebay:


Yea, that's Mel's hairy legs posing with the scarf, and me wearing the jersey.

The jersey came today. It wasn't after I tried it in excitement that Mel reminded me that it might not have been washed... However,


SHOPPING P\/\/nS J00!!!!111!!!ONEONE11!!!


Mel is gonna have a fit when he wakes up tomorrow :D

Ok, I'm gonna go to bed a happy girl now. I'll get my packages within the next 3 days, hopefully =) My mum's gonna think I'm mad!


Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

- Frank Zappa

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Batman Begins.

Detroit's Antonio Mcdyess look alot like Patrick Viera. He should be a football player rather than a bball player lol.

Anyway, I caught Batman Begins earlier on! Wee!

It got me in unadulterated awe, I'm telling you! Kind of like StarWars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith if you ask me, because in Episode 3, they showed us how Anakin became Darth Vader, and in Batman Begins, they showed us how Bruce Wayne became Batman, and the whole theatrics.

I'll have you know, I'm quite a Batman fan myself; when I was reading Batman books instead of just watching the cartoons, Mel was still playing Batman masak. Lol.

I still prefer the old Batman, as in the guy who played Batman(1989) and Batman Returns(1992), even tho Christian Bale did a splendid job too :D

Ta-da! Michael Keaton! People borned in the 1980s should be more accustomed to him =)


In my percipience, I think he's unparalleled by George Clooney or the current Christian Bale. He manages the intimidating look well, with and without the mask. Dontcha think?

And I like the guy who's playing Alfred - Michael Caine. He's cute xD, makes one wanna snatch him up as a Grandpa. "Nevah!"

Thing about the movie was, Alfred never seemed to age, or had begun with a younger looking face, because he looked the same thru-out the 20 odd years that Bruce Wayne grew up.

The "Stealth mode" during the highspeed chase was doubtable too. I mean, it's just "click off the lights" and - Stealth mode. And Batman paints his own Batsuit.

Okay okay, maybe there's something with the paints(car and suit), like super paint, hor? =P

Still, if you're a superhero fan yourself, miss this at your own peril. 5/5 stars!


------------------------------------------------------------------
Duncard: If you make yourself more than just a man.... If you devote yourself to an ideal...... You become something else entirely.

Bruce: And that is?

Duncard: A legend, mister Wayne.
------------------------------------------------

Alfred Pennyworth: Why do we fall, sir? So that we might better learn to pick ourselves up.

- Batman

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Life.

[17:07] JenxGeR> hai

[17:08] JenxGeR> sometimes

[17:08] JenxGeR> life is so boring

[17:08] JenxGeR> and fucked up

[17:08] JenxGeR> u want to fuck care everythin and let go

[17:08] JenxGeR> like strip naked in orchard and run around

[17:08] JenxGeR> den do all those stupid stuff

[17:08] JenxGeR> before endin my life tt nite

[17:08] JenxGeR> tt sorta thing

I really do feel this way. I also feel like going to watch a ghost show which I hadn't watch in years, and scream my lungs out at all the scary parts and throw my popcorn around, until the whole cinema shhh me.

I want to let go of every constrictions, and live free.

My wrists are numb.

Both my wrists are officially numb due to constant playing on Gunzonline. They hurt soooo much even when I'm just typing or holding my drinks.

I couldn't help playing because I totally kickass in Gladiator matches... I'm always top frag! Lol.

Gonna go rest on the bed and not be tempted somemore. Goodnight peeps.


To sleep, perchance to dream- ay, there's the rub.

- Hamlet (III, i, 65-68), William Shakespeare

Monday, June 13, 2005

My apology for the disturbance you might have felt, reading my previous entry, which was full of rantings and complaints. I know it's not me to be so disrespectful towards elders, because of my strict bringup, but sometimes its hard yea? You would wish to let go and be a right bitch.

Anyway, just now Mel's mum had our first conversation of the day, in Chinese.

Auntie: "Eh Jennifer, Ah Mel go out liao ah?"

Me: "Yes Auntie."

Auntie: "Oh ok. Anyway ar, later my friends coming over at 11+, make sure you stay inside Ah Mel's room and close the door okay? I don't want them to see. Hen bu hao yi si de(very embarrassing 1)."

Yes Auntie. Being seen staying in your house is very embarrassing 1. I'm not worthy to be your son's girlfriend for 3 years.

Please forgive me. I will keep my ugly and unworthy butt inside Mel's room.

Do you want me to lock myself in the bathroom while I'm at it? I'm capable enough to do that, you know. Don't worry, if you want me to end my miserable existance, I can do that too!

Just tell it in my face!

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Argh argh argh argh argh.

This is totally f*cked up... I HATE staying over at Mel's... I HATE I HATE I HATE!!!

His father and Grandpa have been making a din, shouting when they're just next to each other(IN OUR BEDROOM WHILE WE WERE SLEEPING!) about the spoilt toilet flush that none of them were free to be present for the plumbing yesterday. His parents went out for golf and his Grandpa went for some, something/one I'm not supposed to talk about. But anyway!

Our fault his dad paid $100 for a worst-than-before toilet flush with the inner components taken out and cast aside? I mean, wtf man! It's 7.30am! In the morning, hello!

One's going senile and one's a not very civilised man. "Chu ren", as Mel said. And the food the maid cooks! Argh! She sometimes cook only 1 tasteless soup + 1 vege for meals.

They freakin' live in a condo and are shifting into a terrance at the end of the year, yet they talk like hawker mongers and buy almost the same food for breakfast everyday. I seriously wonder how they manage to find the stalls selling the worst tasting food ever.

My momma over at our comfortable 5room flat gives me a better life! Argh! I should really just shift home. The only benefits here that I don't have at home is the PC, and that they don't have a mad bitch over at their house like I do.

*Takes in a deep breath* I'm sorry to rant like a mad bitch myself, but this is me, with pent-up frustrations after so long. My apologies to his family and Mel (tho dear, you know I mean every word) and I know it's simply R.U.D.E.


Fuck this all. I can't even publish this even tho it's MY blog. Every single entry in my blog seems to have to undergo scrutiny by HIS HIGHNESS.

But sorry hor Mel, this IS my blog after all. I think I deserve a right to rant whatever I want.

If you guys don't like what I typed, being not respectful to my elders? Don't read and scram!

Saturday, June 11, 2005

One word - Shagged out.

*Throws confetti for her 1000th visitor.*

Just reached home not long ago. Thank goodness I don't feel so overtaxed after a wash-up.

Watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith with Mel at Bugis today. It was entertaining; Brad Pitt was hilarious and intoxicating cute. His role is JUST the type of guy I like. Humorous, cute, a lil whipped, but strong enough to overpower the female when neccessary. *Giggles*


I can see why he went single - Angelina Jolie was hot, tho I don't like her at all since I love Jennifer Aniston(brr).

Got myself a little sweetie at Bugis Village after that.


Even tho what I really wanted was a simple, normal-sized, chrome Zippo:


The latter one already has carvings on it and it was a gift from me to Mel, so I wanted to get 1 for myself. I simply LOVE the feel and size of it in my hand while I flick it to life... *Snick* *Ignites*

Anybody wanna give 1 to me? xD

Oh, did I mention I love the Great Singapore Sale? I FREAKING DO! Lol~ Didn't manage to shop much because Mel had to go for his 6pm CRC training, but I did buy alot of food for dinner =d

The Royals oh, The Royals, I'm so coming for your rosti again.


I can only show the cover because I'd finished it before I thought of taking a pic. HAHA!

Ah well, time to rest now. I'll end my entry with a pic of CS-crazed people. I used to be one of them.


Good night.



Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow.

- From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 185), William Shakespeare

Friday, June 10, 2005

Sigh.

My friend had updated some info for me again, but it's not all the answers I need, so I won't talk about it yet.

I had a quarrel with Mel today because he lashed out at me (verbally, that is) and all the frustrations that bottled up in me for the past few days burst out.

I told him about my plans to study in America, that I've got my eyes set on a community college in Cali, aka the one my friend's studying in, and that I might be staying there for good if the environment suits me.

I told him that the distance will put a strain to our relationship because we're too used to seeing each other etc etc. That we might have to break up when I'm prepared to go overseas.

He gave me a HUGE reaction, and I thought he wasn't supportive of my dream. Turned out that he still wants to be together even if I went overseas, and I felt ashamed to doubt our relationship like that, even tho I'm troubled by it, to be frank. I won't linger on this particular topic, but I guess you know what I mean.

Still, his tenderness and raw emotions made me feel compunctious; like I was doing something wrong, you know? Doing things wrong by leaving my mum alone to face the wrath of the bitch I have to call sis-in-law, and leaving him.

I'm ready to face the harsh world for the sake my dreams, but I'm not readying to face the pain I will cause my loved ones.

Bah. I should really stop talking about this. Right now I would just concentrate on making M O N E Y. Anybody got a relatively high-paying job near AMK to intro? =]

Anyway, on a lighter note, I'll like to ask you guys who read my blog, a question that has been bugging me.

I'm really perplexed by this, so bear with me....
.
.
.

.
.
.
How many of you guys, um... Clean your er, bum, with er.... your fingers + water after using the washroom?

I seriously don't understand how people can stand to do it... I mean, most people use toilet paper, right? Or toilet paper + water, w/e. But water and fingers? That's like... *shivers* wellll, I just wish to know, heh.

Show of hands, perhaps? Lol~

Okay okay, I've got deadly dagger-like glares thrown my way, so I guess I'll just go play more
Gunz and read. Cya =]



Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.

- Edgar Allan Poe

Tathanos

I'd emailed my friend who's studying over in Cali and asked him about college requirements over there.

Turns out differently from what I thought. There's also a community college besides the university college I know about,(or prolly the same, I'm not sure.) and I would prolly not be able to take up the courses I want, and have to pay thousands per sem.

And I most probably need to go back to poly.

Am I prepared for poly once again? 3 years of my life will be taken away... I'll be 23 then. By the time I get to America and complete my studies there, I'll be like, what, 27?

There's the question of finance, no doubt about that, but not a significant problem. Thinking about all this makes me hate myself. Why didn't I put in my heart while I took up BIT in NP 3 years ago?

If I had not flunked my Biz Statistics twice that year, how would my life be like now?

I know it's no longer an issue to lament about, but I often think about how different my life would be.... And it broke my heart. This brought forth nothing but odium in my head, so much so that I have to backtrack immediately so that this self-condemnation won't tear at me further.

I wish for nothing but to pin myself in a sarcophagus until I shrivel up and die.

For the first time in the past 3 years, beside the day I got my exam results from NP, I sincerely regret my truancy and "bo-chup" attitude towards studying. I still remember the moment I saw my results from the Net, I only felt dread about how my mum will react.

Now I feel the angst of failing my entire sodding life.

I feel bloody ashamed everytime people asked me about my education, but I'd always managed to push it off to the back of my head.

Now I just feel like dying. Flashing back to the faces on the people who knew and thought I am talented and intelligent, I finally understood their disappointment.

I know, you guys will just encourage me to go back to poly, but I would never be able to fulfill my dreams that way. My dream to act, and it's not just the TV/movies kind you know? I always preferred theatre works even tho I'd never dreamt of being able to enrol into an Art school.

Time and tide waits for no man... I'll be wrinkling and old, not the young blood I still am now. Life is just this harsh and practical.

And I hate myself for thinking so impractically for the past 1/5 decade. I just hope life will have better luck in store for me in the future.

P.S: Thanks alot Eugenia... For pulling me back afoot on the ground when I got so frantic just now, for being a night owl like I am, there to talk to me when I feel like I'm sinking towards Hell. It's nice to have friends who still care enough to help you out, even if we hadn't met in 2 years =) Thanks!


Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.

- Truman Capote

Thursday, June 09, 2005

I have no other but a woman's reason: I think him so, because I think him so.

My old number, 98288536? It's not in use anymore. Yea, gonna change number. Again. That Bitch wants it back, so might as well.

To the few friends out there who still actually SMS me, don't bother =]

I will inform ya guys again when I get a new number.

P.S: Oh wow oh wow oh wow! Like, I'd decided to start watching my Angel Season 1 just now? And guess what? James Marsters a.k.a Spike popped up on the 3rd episode! So fast! Wee! It's BTVS related, so I think I might just get hooked to this series like I was to BTVS. Uh oh~

Anyway. I looked into my bf's face as he told me he love me just now, and I wondered, "Cor, what kind of woman will I be if I leave this guy behind? He loves me and dotes on me so much..."

If you're wondering what I mean by leaving, scroll down and read my post on "Who are you?"

As each day go by, I'm more and more assured of working towards that goal, perhaps even to an inexorable state. Yet compunction hit me when I think of leaving my loved ones behind.

Deep in my bones, I know that my life never feel completed and full if I stay within this pinprick of a map, 647.5 sq km of area we call home.

My apologies to people who may get offended, but hey, I love Singapore too. Wanting to stay here forever or not, it's another issue.

People will be skeptical of my success or my determination, thinking I'm just being too quixotic. I know I am, but I also know that my mother will understand, especially when she realises that it's to continue my studies and doing what I really want in my life.

I hope to be able to fulfill that dream by next year or early 2007, even tho I know it's a risky step to take. I feel like an unfledged youth all of a sudden, panicking about how the real world will be like, how the world outside Singapore will be like.

Do you think it's practical? Do you think it's right? Sigh.

"All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players.

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts,

His acts being seven ages."

- As You Like It (II, vii, 139-143), William Shakespeare

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

@#@$&@)#@$

I just told Mel about the care and concern I still get from some of my guy friends.

Sorry to name you guys out, but like, Gary, who treats me like a lady and gives me motivational speeches everytime? Kevin, who's constantly asking me to go out to catch a show with him? =P Kelvin, who still loves me after 5years?

Just to let you guys know, I'm touched =)

But then Mel decided to reply me with, "Meet them up. Then they won't bother anymore."

@#_@(&*$(!!!!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Who are you?

Stupid vending machine. Dropped in money for a can of root beer and it ate up my money. Again! I absolutely hate that bloody machine. Wouldn't use it if it wasn't the only one in Mel's condo. My 2nd try for a root beer gave me a Coke. Sigh. Bad luck today.

I haven't ate since dinner last night. All I had today was a can of soyabean milk, and a can of Coke I'm sipping now. I'm not even hungry. Weird huh? Maybe my body'd adjusted to living on soul-food now - reading.

So, anyway, I came across this picture on the Net a while ago.


Yea well ignore the Marios. They're cute, but its not the point.


Who are you?

Who am I? Who am I really?

Am I the ditzy, half-witted bitch I feel at times? Am I intelligent? Am I the dual-personality woman, having my own idiosyncratic gestures or behaviour, or am I one of the millions of similar women in the world?

It's one of the most rudimentary questions on Earth. Heck, I've asked and been asked a thousand times.

Who are you? And I believe most people's answers will be, "Oh I'm Jennifer / I'm an American / I'm a girl / I'm James from ..." yada-yada, but repeat the question again, I reckon most of them will quieten down and think.

And if I ask myself right now, "Who am I?" My answer will be:

"I'm Jennifer Lim, a 20years old girl-to-be-woman, going thru the motions of her life. Succumbed to a sea of lust, raging hormones, sensitivities and uncertainty, drowning any sec. I strude aimlessly thru my life right now, but I have a life-long wish: To migrate to America and continue my studies in a college. To know James Marsters in person there.

To be able live the life I want; To act, to entertain, to sing, to throw myself into what I'm passionate about. If it doesn't work out, I hope to find a stable, albeit boring, job and spent the rest of my life there."

I just want to live my life free.


Frivolous? Maybe. But I've never deterred from that dream before. I still wish to be able to migrate to America or England one day and live the rest of my life there. And I'm also suffocatingly in love with everything James Marsters with a depth that overwhelms me.

I've tried dozens of times to convince myself I'm not, so I won't be taken as a laughing stock for going so goo-gaa over a celebrity, but I've given up.

He's in my throat, my guts, my mind, my heart. I'm subdued by him.

Anyway... I'd really thought about studying and working in America. Most prolly Cali / L.A / NY. Get into a college there, major in English, take up literature and psychology etc, and then live there for the rest of my life. J.M is a delicious bonus.

Of course there's the missing home part... And the bf part. I'll never be able to realise my dreams if I stay with Mel, because he's determined to stay in Singapore. Be patriotic, he says.

Am I being un-patriotic by dreaming of migrating? I don't think so, frankly. What's wrong to yearn for something you really want? It just isn't the point. I'll still love everything about Singapore if I'm able to leave her one day.


Besides, I have too many things holding me back, too many constraints. How do I explain to my mum and loved ones if I suddenly pack my stuff and fly to America?

I know that most of the time, I'm just a lazy pack of bones, but did anyone ask me what I really want in my life? Care enough to listen to me yab? There isn't.

I tried to tell some, like my bf, that I wish to act, to entertain, because it's prolly in my blood, the way I behave sometimes. Mel is supportive of me in every aspect, but he thinks that this is absurd.

Am I really being unrealistic?

At that, I'd just came to understand that I don't even know myself as well as I thought. I keep asking questions that nobody will be able to answer but me.

Will you tell me who I am?

Is it a bona fide dream? Or is it something I'm trying to hang on to, because of a lack of beliefs and goal? Right now, how I feel? It's the real McCoy, baby.

If you're supportive of my America dream, donations/job recommendations will be gladly accepted =]


"Acting is like any other craft, like flying an airplane. You need a certain amount of hours behind the joystick before you're going to be doing barrel roles."

- James Marsters

Another photoblog entry



Isn't my room lovely in the yellow lights? I don't like yellow, but blue was taken up by my bro, and pink by mum, so I got stuck with this a few years ago =P

Mel came to stay over yesterday, so I slept at the lower bunk and used the laptop. Really like the photo of my room, it looks so cosy and warm =]

I caught something in my peripheral vision, and a thought hit me.

Why do my bf/ex-bfs like to give me Mickey Mouse stuff? The one on the left is from Mel. The right one is from Kelvin.


I also have another bear that was packed in a Mickey Mouse box from my 1st bf, Calvin... And bears! I have a room full of soft toys... All given by my Exs and friends, lol. Do I have a "cuddly" look or something?


Don't give me a "0.o" look tho; I wasn't even the one to pin them on the wall. My mum did.

I got a feeling my blog's gonna tragically turn out as a photo-blog, a.k.a mostly photos and no content. Nooo!!! I've got something I wanna talk about, but I think I'll leave it for the next entry =]



... for in all things I saw one life, and felt that it was joy.

- William Wordsworth

(Yep... I'd just realised that my 3 favourite poets are all named William... William Shakespeare, William Blake, William Wordsworth. Wth?)

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Do you think you can finish the large pizza and drumlets by your own?




I dare you.



Because I sense much hunger in you.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Mmm! Pizza!

Heh, ordered stuff crust curry chicken pizza just now... Coming in 30mins! *Rubs her hands in anticipation* I'm soooo hungry right now >_>

I think I'm going to take up a sales job near my house in Amk Central. Mel's going to NS soon so I might as well find a job that's nearby. Not putting up much hope for an office job again, but I'll be going to submit a few resumes soon. Wish me luck!

Anyway, I ought to continue my revelation of past "ghostly encounters" lol. Picking up where I dropped off, I eyed the dancing shadows in horror until I hid myself under the blanket and finally fell asleep. I changed to sleep in my own room a couple of months later.

The next encounter was when I had some spare film on my disposable camera after a school's outing, and I took some pictures of my dog and me. Yea, I had a gorgeous female Shitzu dog, Ruby, for my 12th birthday.

Don't think I didn't take care of her tho. I hold the responsibility of cleaning all my pets I had so far - dog, hamsters, rabbits. I used to put my hamsters in small tubs of water and scrub them gently, and no, I'd not drowned any of the 30+ hamsters I've reared before =]

Had to give her away when I shifted house tho... Bad thing about me was that I didn't know how to "housebreak" her. Mum got irritated that she pooped all over the floor and that I liked to sleep with her on my bed. She came up with some bloody excuses that the neighbours complained about her barkings to the police, and she gave the dog to my cousins. Sigh...

Anyway, back to the subject. I took a photo in the kitchen(that's where my dog sleeps). The kitchen is the most creepiest part of my old house, Idk why, but everytime when I wanted to get a glass of water at night, I get all tingling and never lingered in the kitchen. My instinct was proven right when I took a photo with a ghastly greenish, slightly translucent face in the corner of the kitchen. Brr!!! It wasn't obvious, I still have the photo somewhere, but I knew enough that it wasn't a reflection due to light.

Prolly the closest experience I've ever had was in the living room. I had 2 hamsters back then, Simba and Nala (hehe), and I used to bring them out to play all the time. I was sitting infront of the TV and Nala was on top of the cupboard next to me, and I looked at her when she froze, looking at the door on my left.

I peered into the reflection made by her eyes... And I saw 2 white figures at the door... 1 had long hair, the other short, and they just stood there, unmoving, mirthless expressions on their faces. With nerves I prolly don't have anymore, without quivering in fear, I turned towards the door and........

Saw nothing. My hamster started moving then.

Heh =P I may not have a direct encounter with them, but that incident gave me enough hibeegibees. My old house is REALLY haunted man. It still gives me the creeps and 90% of my nightmares' setting revolves around it. Tigers and lions and bears, oh my...

Ah! Perfect! The food's here. More than sufficient to take my mind off the disturbing stuff now. Ta'~



We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.

- William Shakespeare

Friday, June 03, 2005

=]

I was soooo bored today, that I decided to find people to talk to on IRC :D People I know, that is. Ended up talking to quite a few people.

It was quite refreshing... Having people who still remember me and catching up finally.

I even chatted with Leo again. The other ex-bf named Leo excluding the 1 in my tagboard =P And the professional advisor strikes again. The last time I talked to him regarding his bgr problems was... Well, 2years ago I think. It was, a pleasant chat all in all.

I have a spot in my heart for all the men I've truly given my heart to. I feel a sort of endearment towards them and care for them all the same, even if my demeanor towards some are strictly in a platonic, friendly way. Others just bring back, bittersweet memories. Frankly, the reason why I chatted with Leo and advised him was that I still think and care about him sometimes. I know he won't read my blog, so I feel comfortable saying it out.

I do feel like a total bitch tho. I DO have a boyfriend, and he's prolly gonna explode if he ever reads this, because he knows of the soft spots I for my Exs.

Over-emotional? Perhaps I'm just thinking too much. I really hope that's the case. I really wish to stop all these irradical behaviours and thinkings.

As I'd mentioned before, someone slap me please :( I need to wake up and seriously mature...

For the mood of the entry tonight, I'd decided to change the ending quote/poem into some sad love quotes... Not by famous poets, just commonly known. You'll understand when you read them =)

And to Mel...: Even if I have doubts about our possibility of a future, even if we don't have a future together, never doubt that I love you. That's all that matters right now, isn't it? We can only take one step at a time.


"I'll Pin my heart to my back so you can see it break as I walk away..."

"Missing you isnt the hardest part, its Knowing that I once had you that breaks my heart."

"How can you just give up and leave though? Give up on what we may have had, and act like it mean nothing to you?" Remember, you said "I Love You" first. It's amazing what three little words can do to a girl, especially when you take them back."

"Being friends with someone you would rather be in love with is like being invited behind the barn to look at the stars and only looking at the stars."

"If two past lovers remain friends, they are either still in love or never were."

"You were my favorite mistake."

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Wee!

Eski bar was cool! It's a nice place to chill out with friends. Pun intended.

I wanted to finish my update yesterday, but I was too exhausted when I got home.

I was at Eski bar with Jas and her cousin Lee Ling for like, 30mins only, so I barely felt the cold. I even sweated a lil! Our breaths did get fogged up in the end, and I love being cold, so I'm most prolly go over there again sometime soon ^^"

Me and my niece Jas =P


Jas's friends, Shawn and er, friend, came over at 1am but the bar was closing. I then suggested MS xD It's been a while since I've went there. Wanted to go Cheeky's to @_@ around, but the guys wanted MW, so we went there instead.

That's about the only place I haven't went in MS... Lmao but they regarded me as "chiongster" and asked me so many questions about the charges blah blah. How would I know! I'm not the MS street directory... I used to know, but it'd been a longggg time.

Anyway, MW is my new favourite place in Sultan =] Another nice place to chill out in. Wanted to dance at the R&B room but it was practically deserted, but the techno room was packed. The guys got Chivas for us... How sweet! I thought they might get a few drinks for us, but awww...!

Boy, I bet they regretted doing that. I drank more than all the other 4 put together.

It's not as good as Martell, but it's certainly good enough! I like 'em bourbon or on the rocks, and once I start, I can't stop. The last time I drank was at Zhi Zhong's birthday a while ago :(

Lee Ling, Jas, and me after some drinks. We could barely keep our eyes opened... Lol~~ =X


Told you I'm fat >_>

And in courtesy of our friendly sponsors, the guys! I didn't even spent a cent yesterday night! Thank you again :D


And last but not least, my friendly chauffeur for the night, Mel.





Young men's love then lies not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes.

- William Shakespeare
Chivas... Bourbon... Mmm....