Sigh.

My friend had updated some info for me again, but it's not all the answers I need, so I won't talk about it yet.

I had a quarrel with Mel today because he lashed out at me (verbally, that is) and all the frustrations that bottled up in me for the past few days burst out.

I told him about my plans to study in America, that I've got my eyes set on a community college in Cali, aka the one my friend's studying in, and that I might be staying there for good if the environment suits me.

I told him that the distance will put a strain to our relationship because we're too used to seeing each other etc etc. That we might have to break up when I'm prepared to go overseas.

He gave me a HUGE reaction, and I thought he wasn't supportive of my dream. Turned out that he still wants to be together even if I went overseas, and I felt ashamed to doubt our relationship like that, even tho I'm troubled by it, to be frank. I won't linger on this particular topic, but I guess you know what I mean.

Still, his tenderness and raw emotions made me feel compunctious; like I was doing something wrong, you know? Doing things wrong by leaving my mum alone to face the wrath of the bitch I have to call sis-in-law, and leaving him.

I'm ready to face the harsh world for the sake my dreams, but I'm not readying to face the pain I will cause my loved ones.

Bah. I should really stop talking about this. Right now I would just concentrate on making M O N E Y. Anybody got a relatively high-paying job near AMK to intro? =]

Anyway, on a lighter note, I'll like to ask you guys who read my blog, a question that has been bugging me.

I'm really perplexed by this, so bear with me....
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How many of you guys, um... Clean your er, bum, with er.... your fingers + water after using the washroom?

I seriously don't understand how people can stand to do it... I mean, most people use toilet paper, right? Or toilet paper + water, w/e. But water and fingers? That's like... *shivers* wellll, I just wish to know, heh.

Show of hands, perhaps? Lol~

Okay okay, I've got deadly dagger-like glares thrown my way, so I guess I'll just go play more Gunz and read. Cya =]



Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.

- Edgar Allan Poe