Let the festivities begin!

I got assigned to the duty of going to the NTUC hypermart for crabs and other supplies this morning.

I should have had the foresight to wear my wararmour. Brr.

Anyway, 'tho I grumbled and griped about having to wake up early this morning, the foray to the supermart and wet market was a fortifying and educating trip. It somewhat gave me a glimpse into my future as domestic goddess, and it surprisingly wasn't half-bad, though on a grim note, I am not sure when or if I will ever get the chance of domestication.

CNY 2009 is my 本命年... I can't believe this is my 2nd cycle of the Chinese Zodiac. *Moans* GAWD I FEEL SO OLD!

Soooo anyway,  here's to wishing all my blogders a prosperous, peaceful and wonderous New Year filled with happiness and joy!

 

祝你 新年快乐 万事如意
牛年吉祥, 恭喜發財!

A passing thought.

Had, having, and in quest, to have...


Is that all there is to life?

.
.
.

On a sidenote, shortly after I had this 2 sentences blog entry composed in my mind, something unexpectedly happened.

A friend of mine that I had not seen since before my birthday last year, came up to my office to pass me a gift. Do you know when the non-festive, non-birthday last present/gift I received was?

Jan/Feb 2008.

It was a delicate box of Canelé chocolate as thanks from a VP from AIA when I helped him with his policy. At least that had a reason. But, but now, I got this...



He did not even want me to come out and thank him personally; He was exiting through the glass doors when I walked into our reception area.

While the watch is not a luxury brand, the amount it cost (I went to check it out, lol) is still nothing to sneeze at, for a gift that had no apparent reasons. It's sweet... But sadly, this isn't going to be a whirlwind of courtship that ends up happily ever after - I never had any feelings for him, and I probably never will. He is well to do, and nice, I guess, bringing me to pretty fancy restaurants for the few rare times we've met up, but he is much too busy and... Totally not my type.

It brought a small smile to my lips nonetheless. Maybe this year won't be as bad as last year was.


One can only hope.

SICK.

I don't know who I am anymore. Why am I doing this shit. When I should have left that fucked up lifestyle behind me years ago.

I club. I party like HELL. I drink like a fucking fish. But do I really like it? Is Clarke Quay seriously my 1st/2nd home you guys always thought it is to me? 

NO. 

I only go there because that's the only place I feel safe. Wanted. Known. Recognised. Not fucking lonely. Where I can lose myself to the thumpa thumpa music and alcohol. Forget the shit for a few hours.

I'm fucked up. Jenx is 1 fucked up piece of mental case. I need to drag myself out of this fucking shit.

I just hope I hadn't lost myself so much that I can't find me again.

Just a lil blast from the past.

I've been trying to clean up my room in preparation for the upcoming Chinese New Year, and guess what I found? :) My errant 'latest' diary, with the last entry dated 3rd November 2006.

And to think - The journal begun on 3rd January 2003. Guess I was really moving on after 8 years of keeping journals.

I read through the book, and was grateful for the way I matured; No more 'lahz', 'liaox', 'siao bo' and the multitudes of hokkien slangs dotted into my entries as the years went on. And my grammar! Brrr. I would have been thrown into jail with life sentence if the grammar police had came a-knocking.

Not to mention, Melvin dominated my EVERY entry... Sigh. I'm just glad that painful chapter of my life had came to a close, though honestly, ghosts of the past still come to haunt me in my dreams ever so often.

Yes... Though he's no longer haunting my thoughts, my brains decided to play pranks on me by making me dream of us patching up and getting back together, though the dreams would not be perfect; His 'assholeiness' will shine through in every episode.

I have NO idea why that happens; Melvin barely appears in my thoughts nowadays, what with me having my own distractions *cough*. I mean, yes, I guess I still love him, if but just a little. I suppose my heart will always have a tender spot for Mel, but I'm no longer in love with him anymore. I don't think I ever will. I mean, there's only so much crap you can take from a guy and his family, right?

Maybe its because of how lonely I've been feeling, and my subconscious is trying to let me fall back on past memories of when I at least had someone by my side. I'm just glad the dreams are mostly just a monthly occurrence, and that my journal ended with something that was NOT about him for once.

03/11/06

12.37am

Flitting through the night,

I dance to unheard music.

Envy me not; I cavort alone with my shadows.

Bedlam, distraught.

The noises in my head are causing an uproar.

Don't give me songs; Give me something to sing about.

Jennifer

12.50am