A reminder for myself.

Well, I don't think I will forget this, but just in case, I must post this to remind myself of the most exhilariating 1 1/2 hours I've had in the past few months... Yesterday morning.. From 5am - 6.30am.

Time went 'whoosh!' but boy, it was HOT. In all sense of the words! I fell in love with the colour blue, all over again... The perfect sky blue that darkens into bits of grey when...


Sigh...


*Drifts off in her little dreamland.*

Release.

I know its a little late for an epiphany, but I've got to say this.

I just had a short chat with, someone; It was just about a 2 minutes chat about shallow stuff.

I found that it didn't bothered me as it should be, when he did not comment on my display nick which said I was at the A&E. When he thought I was misunderstanding his intentions of messaging me the other day, I laughed.


And boy, it was a heartfelt grin... It was like, "Hallelujah! Let there be light!"


My god... Singlehood is DAMN SHIOK CAN! The revelation came 46 days too late, but I'm FREE, I'm really FREE!


我感觉到自由的快感了!


P.S: If you noticed my A&E bit, don't worry my friends. It was just complications from some sorta eye inflammation that caused sight problems, but I'm recovering now. *Hugs and kisses*

Rant.

I would rant about how I lost me mum's digital camera at Clarke Quay last night, thus losing alot of crazy pictures taken over the week, but I have this overwhelming urge to rant about something else.

Met a really cute guy last night with Jessica, when we brought Vicka to Clarke Quay for a tour. Turns out C and his friend J are friends of DJ Tang (Matt) from Kent. I sneaked J in (who was wearing flipflops, shh!) and I was told that C really likes me.

I'd thought so too, since we'd naturally paired up and we had abit of fun dancing and stuff.

And then I had to ask him if he's gay.

You know, to reassure myself because he did look a lil gay though he was being way friendly towards me. The moment he hem and hawed, my heart dropped.

I'm still hoping he's just Bi and not gay, but not that it matters since they are on their way to Australia now, BUT DAMN!

WHY WHY WHY! Why are all the good or cute guys all gay? What, pussies not good enough for them that they have to turn to men? What so good about them penises anyway?


... *Smacks herself* Ok, so maybe they do have a reason to be gay. *Sigh*

Lol.

gah says:
slim down, boobies still big?

gah says:
thats the point right?



Slipped my mind I was talking to a guy and not a girl. *Rolls eyes*

Death of a bear in a dress.

Hi!





*Munches*


A typical Monday afternoon...

T-minus 5100. 5100secs, 5109secs, 5108......

Love.

What is love?

You'd think love is all romantic words and candle lights, gorgeous roses and death till us part.


Well lemme tell you this - Love is getting dumped on your ass for another woman after he went M.I.A for a week. Love is falling for the wrong person every motherfucking time.


Love is staring into your 6 years old niece's eyes and watches as she realise her family is falling apart, stuttering when she tells you her mum brought her younger sister away. Love is when you feel so cornered and you wished to talk to the only stable rock in your recent years, and he dismissed you with a irritated sigh.


Love is when every fucking member of your immediate family is divorced or divorcing and causing so much pain around. Love is foolishly imagining "happy family times" while looking after his son.



End result? Love is nothing but a waste of time and bloody fucking sham.

渐渐又习惯一个人孤单的味道。。。 其实那感觉没想像中难过。


如果放下爱的情感， 抛开友情的枷锁，只剩下自己一个，也许我还可能慢慢变得坚强。


可能是我变得更孤僻了吧，哈哈。。。

Random note.

5 years of 感情 packed into 6 bags full, which are now scattered all over the room, untouched.



I don't know what to make of it.

Ahahaha.

Ahahhahahaha.. Night filled with Lunar club (New iRumours style club, officially opening on 25/09/07) till FashionBar till MOS; nonstop binging!

Like I told the girls... Fucking high baby! Hahahaha. We still have dance practice tomorrow at 2pm till 5, what the fuck! I'm gonna concuss!

Lunar was great anyway. The decor and atmosphere was awesome. Didn't know I would like a pub with chinese live band that much, but I did.

Let's get high again next week. It was fun! *muacks*

Damn!

I am watching "The Others" on the lappie, and I'd actually sat through almost 10mins of fireworks display beside my block!

It was the official launch of the AMK Hub... I had a perfect bird's eye view of it upon leaving my flat door but I mistook that din for the lion dance and performance stuff at the Central Stage, also just 100m away from my flat.

8 years of living in AMK Central, you'll learn to sleep past the noises from MRT trains, buses, lion dances, soccer fans on football nights, fights, and rowdy uncles when they're drunk.

I wish I did not miss the fireworks though :( The finale burst into a beautiful array of streaks across the night sky, just when I was taking my handphone out.

It was supposed to be a brand new start as from 20/09/07 for me, yet all I've done was throw up twice so far. I can feel the third one building...

Bugger this. It sucks to be me.

Other than the vomiting incident, at least the day so far has been simple, and nice. My mum coddled me like I was still a small child; Tucking me into bed last night, presenting me with a hot drink and a sandwich to pack off for work this morning.

It didn't feel any different from normal days though, just that I no longer have anyone to manja to, and someone that I can call immediately when I feel like sharing something. Someone to love and dote on.

But I've finally realised that I don't deserve this anymore...

No matter if sometime down the road we might get back together, or I get into a new relationship, I'm not going to be treated with disrespect anymore.

Yes, now I do understand that I deserve better, but only time will assist in making me believe so.

I understand you now. The love's all gone. Not when my presence made you uncomfortable. Not when you're so thoroughly enjoying your life now. Not when the presence of me in the past 5 years has been wiped clean. Not when your mum looked at me like I'm a squished bug that wasn't welcome.


Everything is too late. My love was brutally pulverised and dead now; And any semblance of our relationship is dilapidated.


For awhile, to love was all we could do
We were young and we knew
In our eyes were alive
Deep inside we knew our love was true
For awhile, we paid no mind to the past
We knew love would last
Every night, something right
Would invite us to begin the day

Something happened along the way
What used to be happy was sad
Something happened along the way
And yesterday was all we had

And, oh, after the love has gone
How could you lead me on
And not let me stay around ?
Oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone
What used to be right is wrong
Can love that’s lost be found ?

For awhile, to love each other with all
We would ever need
Love was strong for so long
Never knew that what was
Wrong, oh, baby, wasn’t right
We tried to find what we had
Till sadness was all we shared
We were scared
This affair would lead our love into

Something happened along the way
Yesterday was all we had
Something happened along the way
What used to be happy is sad
Something happened along the way
Yesterday was all we had
And, oh, after the love has gone
How could you lead me on
And not let me stay around ?
Oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone
What used to be right is wrong
Can love that’s lost be found ?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone
What used to be right is wrong
Can love that’s lost be found ?

No more "Bei bei!", no more "Baobei I lub u", no more "Ba~by!", no more "kish kish?", no more tickle wrestlings on the bed before we sleep, no more "抱抱!" requests.

If I had known the way that this would end,
If I had read the last page first,
If I had had the strength to walk away,
If I had known how this would hurt,

I would've loved you anyway.
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade.
Had I known my heart would break,
I would've loved you anyway.

It's bittersweet to look back now
At memories withered on the vine.
And just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time.

I would've loved you anyway.
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade.
Had I known my heart would break,
I would've loved you anyway.

And even if I'd seen it coming,
You'd still have seen me running
Straight into your arms.

I would've loved you anyway.
I'd do it all the same,
Not a second I would change,
Not a touch that I would trade.
Had I known my heart would break,
I would've loved you anyway.
I would've loved you anyway.


It's only the next day, and I miss you terribly. However, now that I think of it, I'm honestly glad you're happy.

In a way, I'm relieved too. Our pain has finally come to an end...

Our memories are bittersweet, and I have yet to get over the shock of us being over, I still burst into tears uncontrollably, but I will move on without you.

You don't have to feel responsible for me anymore...

Thanks.

"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive and do not forget." - Thomas Stephen Szasz

I forgive you. Do you forgive me too?

人在成长的过程中，难免遇到挫折。
懂得保护自己，也要懂得爱自己。
生命的乐章，看你自己如何去谱写。
躲避不一定躲得过
面对不一定最难受
得到不一定能长久
失去不一定不再有
转身不一定最软弱
别急着说别无选择
别以为世上只有对与错，
许多事情的答案都不止一个，
所以我们永远有路可以走。
你能找到理由难过，
也一定能找到快乐。
懂得放心的人找到轻松
懂得遗忘的人找到自由
懂得关怀的人找到朋友。

Forgetting is something that time takes care of, but forgiveness is an act of volition, and only the sufferer is qualified to make the decision.

Birthday wishes...

Mmm, alright, this year I'm going to do something slightly different. After seeing my friends put up wish lists, I'm going to do so too! (Not that I'll receive alot of gifts... Probably 5-6 at max)

Nonetheless, here's the really short list:


The gold Gucci cardholder, either the one with a cute bell, or the wallet type cardholder with a big ribbon... I've been eyeing them or ages. <3

Guess watch... The red one :)

LV coin pouch? *Slurps*

Or else, it can be Amway facial care products or anything you wish to buy me (but not all Amway products please... I kinda want to buy them myself, so I can earn the PV lol)

Anyway, I know they are expensive requests lol. Therefore I would love it too if you just wish me a sincere Happy Birthday on 3rd October (and now you know) and perhaps a birthday kiss? Kiss is only permissible for the ladies though =P



It's his birthday tomorrow... Hmm...

Whew!

Hey blogders, just a short post to say that I'm back =]

After the consecutive trip to KL with my colleagues, and then Bintan with Yan and William, I was working at NATAS fair over the last weekend. I'm glad its all over... I've never felt so old and lethargic before!

The pictures are all up on my Facebook, but I'm too lazy to post it here yet. Till then, take care :)


I want to feel passion, I want to feel pain.
I want to weep at the sound of your name.
Come make me laugh, come make me cry... Just make me feel alive.

Sometimes.

Sometimes I've wondered... What it would be like if I weren't bornt in Singapore, or if I were given the luxury of furthering my studies overseas.


Sometimes, I've also wondered what it would be like for me had I not encountered certain life-changing events.


Sometimes... Sometimes I gasped for air like I'd held my breath underwater for 5 seconds too long.


Sometimes I hated my instinct for self-survival.


Sometimes I hated myself for having such thoughts.



Trying to recall when I was contented, I would locate it circa 1997, and 2001 to early 2002. Au contraire, if you ask me to pinpoint when I became melancholy like this, I don't know.

Maybe it was always there.


I can't put my constant state of malaise to words. I dare not, for fear of letting out this maelstrom surging inside me and hurting everyone with its whipsplash.


I'd rather go into purgatory then get stuck in this limbo called Life.

This reminiscence of my 22 years of life left nothing but a bad taste in my mouth.



Let's just hope the good times will roll in again...

Cogito ergo sum... Adequatio intellectus et
rei.

It's a funny lil thing.

I was in his car last night, looking out the window when there was a slight lull in our conversation.

A yellow bike slowed to a stop beside me, and I languidly looked at the 'MITO' wordings, before my eyes roamed back to the body of the bike, and back to the wordings again.

It was then that I decided to look at the rider, and there she was, Jas. -_- What a bloody coincidence! Lol. The look on her face... Lol. Made me wonder if she had her contact lenses on.

Anyway, hi blogders. It's been a while, I know. I've had a long break last week, from National Day till a couple of days ago, and in doing nothing but eat sleep and idle my days away, I'd managed to recover some strength and energy enough to update my blog, before it collects virtual spiderwebs.

Hence, lemme upload a "few" choice photos to share. Enjoy!


After our background makeup class =)


I heart my vainity.


And this is our eye makeup class :)


The mandatory camwhoring picture.


With Grant at Bar Celona. I kicked his ass at pool that night!


Jim's party at Covo. It was fun and drinks drinks drinks until I had a fall and skinned my knee real bad. Bleagh.


Afterwards at MOS, obviously high. =\


Will likes to act cool WAY too much.


ROFLMAO.


And one with the ladies - Eugenia, Ting, and Yan. =)


Pardon mua. I just felt like posting my picture with her everywhere. LOL. *gushes*


The cuties of MOS Smoove members'!


♥


Ying! One gorgeous girl I've gotten to know better during the last couple of months =)


My favourite mekajiki that I had at Raikuichi. Mmm...



Where else?


A rare picture with Stanley in it (guy in middle). And I know I've flooded my entry with pictures, but I don't care! Grawr.

And the number of pictures that I didn't upload only stands to show how long I have not updated... Ugh.

Anyway, just a brief overview over my life so far - It's picking up, like I said; My depression issues have not occurred during the past month, so it's all good, albeit a little dull.

I'm also starting to hate my job at AIG, so that explains all the slacking and facebook-ing you guys might have noticed :)


Anyways... I still have to go back to work, so toodle loo my lovelies!

Coming out of the closet...

Some of you might already know this ages ago, some might not, but anyway.


I'm bi.


Don't worry, if I had never shown signs of coming on to you in the past, I most probably still won't.


I'm still jittery about this 'revelation', or what you can call as denial in the past, but girls will be girls, they ultimately prefer driving sticks even if they swing both ways =]

I served Colby Miller today!

Author's side note: Ooh oh oh I've got Facebook, and I'm addicted! Lol. Add me, yea? :)


*Swoons* FYI, Colby Miller was one of the Cleo's Most Eligible Bachelor contestants for 2006, and he's currently a MTV Asia VJ.

I got to serve him at AIG front counter today... And he looked so yummy! So gawd damn cute cute cute cute ccuutttteeee!


Damn, I've got to stop behaving like a cat in heat, trying to jump or swoon over every hot man I see!


Anyway, some of you may know that I was a little depressed (with good reasons) and out of sorts the last couple of months, but surprisingly, life's picking up, albeit bits by bits and very slowly.

I don't want to jinx this, so let's just see how it goes then =]



Did this all by myself! Though I was rushing and used *gasp* contouring powder for my ENTIRE face instead of loose powder. Lol. But I still likie =)

I need a console.

I want a Nintendo DS or PSP. None of which I can afford recently.

):




So anyways, my hair colour is in serious trouble of turning plain dark.





Yeesh.





For the past couple of months, I've been training my pool with my colleagues at least twice a week. I'd only improved a meagre amount, and my 'form' is so unstable it sucks till kingdom comes.





I can't even begin to describe how pissed off I am at that.





Anyone up for playing pool with me? Tournament size tables only, please!

Tarot.

You are Judgement

Happiness, Content, Joy.

Judgment is related to the Hebrew letter Shin, which is fiery and spiritual. A break from the past, going forward.

With Fire as its ruling element, Judgement is about rebirth or ressurection. The idea of Judgement day is that the dead rise, their sins are forgiven, and they move onto heaven. The Judgement card is similar, it asks the resurrection to summon the past, forgive it, and let it go. There are wounds from the past that we never let heal, sins we've committed that we refuse to forgive, bad habits we haven't the courage to lose. Judgement advises us to finally face these, recognize that the past is past, and put them to rest, absolutely and irrevocably. This is also a card of healing, quite literally from an accident or illness, as well as a card signaling great transformation, renewal, change.

What Tarot Card are You?

Some 'jokes'...

Taking a 5 from my surfing and idling to type a short entry. :)

According to Wikipedia, Singaporeans tend to have difficulty saying film. In Singlish, FILM is pronounced as FLIMM.

I didn't realise I'd pronounced it as Flim, myself. Lol. *chants fil-m fil-m fil-m...*

And who the hell in Singapore would pronounce flour as flower, even if we do know the pronounciation? That's just, well, that's just plain silly!



[10:43:57 AM] JWNY says: could be both ways...you're damn hot...or you think you're hot...
[10:44:40 AM] :+:JenxGeR:+: says: well... I don't think i'm hot
[10:44:43 AM] :+:JenxGeR:+: says: so that means
[10:44:45 AM] :+:JenxGeR:+: says: I'm damn hot
[10:44:46 AM] :+:JenxGeR:+: says: LOL

Heh. Alright, back to work. Monday isn't so blue when I have practically nothing to do at work, and simply surf and blog all day~

New hair colour :)

It was a particularly boring Thursday last week that spurred me to do something with my hair, so fwah la, after going back and forth to my hair stylist for 3days in a row(I'm never going back there again), this is my current colour.



I likie~



And I took the opportunity to camwhore with my colleague and sis-in-law's phones...



I still look horrendous without any make up, and the colour actually faded off when I washed my hair this morning.



It was previously purple red, but now it's more of just red, and light pink streaks due to my prior bleached highlights.

*Sigh*. I'm so going to have to redo my colour before my birthday.

My update on the smoke-free MOS.

Author's side note: I actually had fun last night... Met Shah, a friend of Chris, and he pulled a fast one on me by making me believe we've met before.

He was all "How can you forget me?!" and I was "OMG I'm so sorry!". Lol. Ass.

We did have fun 'combining forces' to fool Stanley that we were long time friends, though we slipped when I spoke about missing my corporate plane schedule and meeting him on the business class. Heh.



Amazing. It was... yea, amazing.

As a smoker, I myself must admit its nice to walk around breathing in crisp cold air that's not saturated with cigarette smoke, albeit its hell when my need for that drug like high-inducing feeling when I inhale (yea, that's probably why I can't quit).

I would have to go to another room or across the floor to join the 'joy' of maybe 10billion other people smoking their cigs in a cramped space.


Go in for a death stick, come out feeling like you had two at the same time. 2, for the price of 1!

MOS' special offer: If you're low on cash, just pop by the smoking room behind the DJ console in Smoove and you can inhale all you want, for FREE!
- A special message from the Ministry of Health

All the cozy rooms for private parties on the 2nd floor have been changed into smoking rooms. So if all of your pals smoke, you can just go into a room and barge all the space without having to book now.

Now where the hell would I celebrate my birthday now? Guess I'm only left with Skylounge... Ugh.

Smoking ban in clubs...

Author's side note: I'm going for a beauty class - 美容营养班 - after work today, for a consecutive 6 weeks every Wednesday.

$175 for 6 classes. It's not something I've very excited about, but at least my friends are there. I suppose it'll be a good way to pass my time and learn a little something something.

Next up, dance classes...

When I was at MOS last Saturday aka 30th June 2007, it was already 1.15am, which was officially 1st July 2007.

There were still smokers in non-smokers area, but I credited it to the fact that the ban had only started an hour ago.

When we got to Cafe Delmoar at 8am that morning (yes, I've finally went there, though not with XXX as I originally thought I would), the place was deserted and we were out by the jacuzzi in the open air, when we got stopped from smoking.

Waiter: I'm sorry, according to the law, I will need you to smoke over there *points to 'smoking area' 10 feet infront of us*.

Bloody hell. I'll have you know that smokers have rights too! What the hell is wrong with smoking in the open air when there's NO customers within a mile's radius? Take some, give some!

The government had even raised the tax for cigarettes again after implementing the ban. They just want to corner us 'till we fall off the cliff innit?

Next, they'll probably ban us from smoking in our own cars while on the road, dictating it as a deadly road hazard or something like that. I wouldn't be surprised.


Sigh... I wonder what will it be like when I go over to MOS tonight.


Skylounge, a non-smokers' area. Psyeah, righttt...


*I like the way a zhng-ed up Evo 9 feels on an empty road... ptiu ptiu ptiu~*

当我在强迫自己放弃，死心的时候，发现心里还有一盏灭不掉的灯，我不知该如何是好。。。



那算是一件好事， 还是一条死路? 就是心中的那一盏灯，和我天生的“执著”， 使得我对爱，对男人那么地浑然失措。


到现在，还不清楚是“看破”好，还是“迷惘”天真些。



29/06/2007, 20:20.

---

昨晚，我看到了不该看的东西。I saw something I shouldn't have saw last night.

不。其实不是不该看，而是不想看。No. It wasn't technically something I shouldn't have seen, just something I should have prepared myself for.

It was like those movie scenes whereby you walk up into a club and practically walked rightsmack into him while he's chatting up another girl, then he does the shifty-eyes-looking-everywhere-but-at-you trick. Looking past you when he inevitably has to greet you.

I still didn't think that was necessary... Men. Thus I got silly and drunk and made a fool outta myself.

I won't lie and say that I'm ok; I'm all torn up into shreds now and it hurts so bloody fucking much that everything in life has lost its favour and colours to me. That is why I go out every night to drink and numb my pain.


But now, instead of having to constantly wonder, I finally know... And my heart now has another hard layer of protection around it.


It would take more than being a gentleman, having a quirky English sense of humour, homemade breakfast and dinners and mindblowing sex, the ability to make me a contented woman or the ability to make me believe that I am too much of a woman for men to handle, to make me fall in love that easily again.




Rod: "Do you trust me? I don't mean it like, you know, but as a friend. Do you trust me?"


Me: "Yes, I do."




Now I understand why he'd phrased it like that.



我行的. 请相信我. 我只需要多一点时间... I'll be okay =)

In memories of Chris Benoit.

"Wrestling has consumed my life. Wrestling is my mistress. It's my passion. It defines who I am as a person."

May 21, 1967 to June 24, 2007.


May the 2 good friends find their peace together.


RIP Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero.

Too much pain... maybe its time to leave everything behind...

The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come. - Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)


I recall that recently, I'd told Jasmine to find 'herself' again and just be.

I now realise that it's probably a load of bullshit.

I've always disillusioned myself with the probability that I may get a real fighting chance with a guy, or I'll one day get to be with a man who appreciates me and whom I love.

Complete bollocks.

If you scratch below the surface of Jennifer Lim, you'll find the apathetic, clingy, soft-hearted girl-woman who simply loves too much and too deep, and has no self-respect and confidence.

After Rod asked who is the real me, I wasn't sure who is the real Jennifer, but I know for sure that she is a had-been. Now, she's just too tainted, too jaded, too much hard work for anyone to try to care about.

She wants to try to open up, to let go, but she just can't try hard enough. Too tired to. I'm not worth anybody's effort. This much I'm honest with myself.

I mean, I'm a wreck job. I have no confidence; People will try to build it up and give me other perspectives of myself that I'd failed to look at, but I'm not built to look beyond, to hold a man's love or liking, or just be a person who isn't constantly giving others a headache.

I haven't been a fun person to be around these last couple of years; I can sit amidst dozens of people or even among the hundreds in MOS, yet I'll be there, quiet, meek, staring off into space while sipping on my drink.

Squeezing out a brief smile when someone tries to strike up a conversation. Laugh and joke with a friend, sliding on a mask.

I go out every single day after work, alone most of the time, to sit at my friend's pub and have a couple of drinks. Never drunk, but high enough to forget my sorrows for the rest of the night.

My only comfort? Love. I take chances, plow head-on, but always return bruised and battered.

How can I be so stupid to let something of 2 months hurt me so much already? I can't believe I sinked so fast... And that I have never learnt to be smarter.

Christ... I hate myself so much that I don't want to be me anymore. If my life was a movie, people would be scoffing by the 2nd Act.


How can I make it go away? Why do I always fall in love with the wrong man?


"I was just about to tell you...
That I love him... I do.
I love him, I love him! And I don't care what you think.
I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man that he almost is.
I love him, I love him... I love him."




When will I learn?



Too much pain... Maybe its time to leave everything behind and just go away...

还是算了吧... I give up...

Can someone sing 蔡依林 - 我知道你很難過 to me EVERYDAY until I believe in the lyrics? ;.)

我知道你很難過
愛一個人　需要緣份
你何苦讓自己　越陷越深
別傻得用你的天真
去碰觸不安的靈魂
每一天只能痴痴的等

愛一個人　別太認真
你受傷的眼神　令人心疼
沒有一個人　非要另一個人
才能過一生　你又何苦逼自己
面對傷痕

我知道你很難過
感情的付出不是真心就會有結果
別問怎麼做　愛才能長久
這道理有一天你會懂

我知道你很難過
昨天是戀人今天說分手就分手
別問你的痛　要怎麼解脫
多情的人註定　傷得比較久

愛若變成了刺　思念也成了痴
也許心碎是愛情最美的樣子

Photo entry.

I used to include alot of pictures and photographs to add spices and vividity into my entries, but I'd realised my blog is just full of boring words now lol.

Therefore, this nonsensical entry will be dedicated to pictures, and random pictures only :) Enjoy!


Picture taken off Aimee's LJ ;)


Taken off Mahel's blog :)


The 'Elder Lims'... Mother's Day at Turf City :)


Wedding dinner at Swissotel.


Ahh. Must be Friday. Or was it Wednesday?


Tang's birthday cake from Shangri La, courtesy of Will. Yum!


We like hiding behind Will, heh. And yes, I was a little drunk, shut up! =\


I need to lose some more weight.


Michelle's 21st :) I WANNA BE YOUNG AGAIN!


三“墨“客。。。


Dinner at Bangkok. Missing... Who? What? Where? I don't know...

I'm not about to delve into the Bangkok folder yet since it's not sorted out, so I better be off for lunch now that I've spend about 1 1/2 hours on this entry. LOL.


See you at Bar Celona and Clarke Quay tonight... :)



Ok lah... It's the PIE towards Jurong. I do not own the above quote anyway; it's so overused.

I've gained weight again!

After managing to lose weight unwittingly at Bangkok, I'd managed to keep my weight on a slow decline but I'm gaining them all back because of Sweets. :(



瘦身会是件好事吗？它可能对我的自信和健康有助，但是，长远下来，要是我真的瘦了，变美了，我的身边即将会有更多的男人回绕着，我会喜欢那些注目吗？

现在的我也已经被那些有的没的男人像苍蝇一样的环绕着，弄得我好累。

他。。。 虽然一开始我就知道不会有结果，也不能让我向往什么未来，久而久之，下场也只是自讨苦吃。 但， 我想我就是那么傻吧。 反正感情这种东西， 由天由命，不由人。

想爱，又不敢爱，想放，却已不舍得放，但是我真的觉得，已好久没有这么单纯的自在和快乐了。。。

Stay the same.

(MmmHmm Ohhh)

(Mmmmm)



You should know by now

That love is not the same

I have what you chuck

to cover your mistakes

I don't care about

What all the people say

but it's down to me i know my mind

and i will find my way



And i don't regret the time we spent

and my time with you

It was not in vain



[Chorus]

And i wonder why

and where it all went wrong

and how you lost your hope

your the reason that i'm gone

and i wonder how

how you came to change

and why you lost your way

but i still stay the same

still the same



(Mmmmm)



Always spent my life

always trying to please you

but time had come for change

that's when i realised that I really did need you

and i knew with it you could take the blame



And i don't regret the time we spent

and my time with you

It was not in vain

I've lost my phone.

I've lost my K800i last Sunday. And before you ask, I'd lost it at a minimart inside Pacific Mansion. Left it on a rack when I was getting my change, and that was the last I saw of it.

Therefore, if you have gave me your number within the last 3 months, bets are I've lost it. Please just sms me and tell me who you are so I can save it.


Right then, I should toddle off to work. Life has done me in for abit recently; it's not just the handphone issue that has been upsetting me.

Generally? Half the time now I'm driven to drink and chainsmoke and I feel depressed as hell even though I got a pretty good appraisal yesterday.

Everything and everyone is driving me bat-shit crazy so I would appreciate if you lot just try to make it easier for me, ok? I don't expect anyone to lend me a listening ear; I just need to party and drink.



I've been too addicted to Sweets... And now I'm suffering from the backlash. Why haven't I learnt?

Bugger.

It feels like I'm coughing me spleen out everytime I wheeze due to my smokers' cough. It's time like this that I question my sanity in deciding that I don't want to quit, not that I can't quit.

Maybe its time to redefine my "can't" and "don't wants".

Anyway. Yes, I'm back from the horror that is the Bangkok trip =) In order not to jeopardise my 8 years long friendship with the girls, I shall not go into details regarding my feedback on the trip. =P *Grins innocently*

The pics will be up if I feel up to posting, but I've been partying hard and getting sick ever since returning, so keep your fingers crossed!


P.S: Sweets gave me the ooy-gooey feelings... :)

"You're a woman of pleasure."

Guilty as charged, dirty as sin.


And I'm loving it.

MOS.

Getting propositioned/hit on for countless times within the span of 2 days definitely helped to give a boost to my low self-esteem and ego. *Grins*

And I can't believe that people recognise me still! I have had 2 online acquaintances whom I've never met in real life before, coming up to me and ask if I'm JenxGeR. Guess I'm pretty recognisable with my DD boobs, huh. *shrugs*

But that also meant that I haven't gained that much weight that people can't recognise me anymore, so its all goood...

Well, I can't complain much about my weekend; I watched Spiderman 3 on Friday, courtesy of my company. Most people found it not up to expectations, but I judged it upon how it came along from Spiderman 1, and how I've managed to catch Venom *gushes* on big screen, and so I loved it.

Since we missed clubbing last week, Yan and I both made it up by clubbing for 2 nights straight. We were at Q Bar for Alan Chan's birthday earlier on, before we moved on to MOS and we got to know Dave and Roberto better. *Grins at Yan*

I simply can't wait for the next weekend to arrive. Right now, it's time for beddy bye. 'Ta.

(Our Bangkok trip is finally arriving... 17th May. *Squee* I just hope I'll get to settle my passport issues on time!)

12.

12.

The number that's making me feel like hell right now.

I indirectly caused him to lose 12 demerit points by talking to him while he was driving.

He ran the red light because he couldn't stop the car in time at the traffic lights at Adam Road. The photograph probably had a good shot of me gasping in disbelief.

If I hadn't request for a drive home tonight, it wouldn't have happened.

4 1/2years of clean driving record, ruined, less than a week before he is collecting his own car, a Mitsubishi Lancer Sports.

Shit. I'm tearing myself up with the guilt, and have no fucking mood to go for the movie and clubbing tomorrow night. I feel worse thinking about how he's feeling right now.

Argh. I hate myself.

TGIF again!

Who don't love Fridays? Thing is, the days are moving along at such a speed(though 9am-6pm will never end fast enough) that it frightens me.

Oh, the horrors of a woman past 20. I dread my coming birthday on 3rd October, because I won't be able to declare myself "Forever 21" anymore. Not honestly, at least.

Sigh.

Just had a particularly sinful lunch of Oishi Pizza's party combo with the boys and the ladies. There were 9 of us, but there's still 1 1/2 pizzas left over. Oh dear. I guess thats the reason why I'm putting my Art of Eating Snake© to good use right now.

Sometimes I wonder. I took the initiative to know the boys (for Jenny's sake, lol) and asked them to join us for lunches. Yet now, I seem the one least 'close', for a lack of better words.

I definitely can derive several reasons: I'm not as goh goh di/manja as the other ladies, not as daring, and not as slim and pretty as them. Whenever I try to act cute or manja, I just... can't. I'm much younger than the OLs, but I end up the big sister figure, again.

I will be officially old in a couple of years. I don't want to be a constant big sister figure. If you read my friendster, alot of my guy friends always call me 大姐. I was close to them because I'm a good buddy in their eyes.

I just wanna be a girl. Not the cynical bitch currently typing this entry.

I'm genuinely a caring and friendly person and all that rot, yet I always end up the girl in the background. 'Cos seriously, who would bother? Let's just face the facts yea - I'm simply not attractive or daring enough to garner attention.

More to the point, in life, in work, similar things happen to me. In several incidents, whereby I was entitled to certain things, or promised to be part of something, where finally, something good was about to happen to me, someone else would come into the picture and more or less demand or 'request insistently' to take over or be part of it.

I would hum and haw, and finally be pushed off, because, oh, "Jennifer is nice. She would understand."

Well I DON'T want to understand! If you ask me whether its my jealousy rearing its ugly head, I would answer I don't know.

But, what I do know is that, minus-ing my bad points, I would be a considerate, caring, friendly, blah bla blah girl in most people's mind.

I'm bloody sick of it. What's the soddin' use? Good guys always finish last.

Anywayyys, moving on to more mundane subjects, yours truly have straightened her hair to how it was always supposed to be!

It isn't exactly ramrod straight since I did soft straightening, but I guess I kinda like it.


Yea, my hair can't hide my chubby face anymore =(


And a look more befitting my mood as of late. See lah, Mr Yat! Got influenced by you =

Hmm. I like the 2nd look. Lemme take out my bottle of black nailpolish and my darker makeups and experiment ;)~

Monday.

The electricity tripped for our floor in the office earlier on, which lasted a whoppin' 30mins.

It was one the best working Mondays of my life :D

Driving instructors.

I need recommendations for good driving instructors in west area or AMK area.

Any suggestions whether I should take school or private? Class 3? Auto?

Gimme a holla please! I hope to get my driving license asap =)


My baby's got a car~

Ugh, I think I had 1 too many Shiraz. Was at Wine Company owned by Tommy, with Yan and her friends, and friends of friends earlier on for dinner, and I was humbled by their idle chats of hunting deers and bears, quarterly skiing trips and bicycle wheels that cost them $10,000, blah blah blah.

Wth, Joseph is even the cousin of Lee Hsien Long. I felt like a tiny, squished pea sitting next to them, but I'll have to say - They're definitely interesting, if not arrogant. I looked at them, and I wished I was an insurance agent instead of customer service consultant. I could practically hear the ka-chings.

By anyhoos, the Chocolate Molten Lava there is to die for. It's at Evans Road, right beside the Institute of Education at Bukit Timah Road - You should try it. Seriously.


Random picture of the day... Mr K and Mr D enjoying a tender moment by sharing the garlic bread. Aww... LOL.

Friday the 13th.

I love Friday the 13ths. And today is the only one this year.

Coupled with the upcoming cosplay chalet that Sheng and his sis will be holding, my mind is currently awash with gothic lolita costumes, and namely erololi or schoolboy lolis.

Maybe I'll just scout for something during the BKK trip =) I mean, I'll have to find something to do since I won't be able to find normal clothes my size in Thailand, yea?
Anyway, last weekend was busy busy busy! My 'schedule' was filled to the brim with outing on Thursday, clubbings on Friday and Saturday, then birthday celebration for my dear friend on Sunday.



My loves.


Yours truly, Jessica, Sheng, Yan, and Ting, our birthday girl :)

It was fun, I mean, yea, it was an awesome weekend, I even saw Leo, but I think the lack of sleep took its toil on me and I'm down with flu this week. Bleah.

Oh anyhoos, here's some eye candy for you 妹妹s out there.


Actually, they're not much younger than me; they're 21 and I'm 22, but damn if I don't feel much older!

Damn act cute... Wahaha.

OH. MY. GOD.

Well, I haven't been on eBay for a few months, but I got on recently to help my niece get some stuff she wanted, so I had a 'look-see' around to snoop for some James Marsters' merchandises.

Lo and behold...

I came across this and more or less fell in love.

Okay, it's not that gorgeous, but it WOULD be a wonderous addition to my collection.




I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!!!


Unfortunately, I'm so freaking overbudget that I can't afford this SGD$200++ piece. *Sigh* And its not even my birthday yet, so I can't pester anyone to get it for me.

*Goes to brood in a dark corner*

'Lo and behold...

Your camwhore queen.



Kneel and kowtow to her because she owns you.
.
.
.
.
Okay, so I'm bored, but I'm on leave on Thursday, so I have only 1 more day of work to go.

Hell yea!