Right now I'm typing in the dark... I've gotten fever outta a sudden after dinner, and dear instructed me to go to bed... But u know how it is. I feel so horrible atm.. I can't fall asleep.
I think I've gotten fever b/c of the 1 1/2hours walk to 7-11 2nights ago.. I slept the entire day (=p) and I didn't take any meals, so yea, I was freakin hungry at around 12.30am... He was too tired to drive me to the 7-11, so I decided to get 'tiki' and walk there myself even tho it was raining >=I.
That should be how I got my fever... Tho' its weird I only started to have the symptoms now. Boo it sux... It started with a backache, then a headache, and my hands and feet started to feel damn cold, and boom, next moment I was lying on bed wearing extra jacket and jeans, covered myself entirely in 2 blankets and closed the door and all the windows, and yet I was still trembling. Its only until 2 hours later (now) that I'm finally breakin a sweat.. :D
This isn't that bad tho... I've had worst situations. A few yrs back I was at the lan shop my ex worked in.. I felt the fever coming but I put it aside and accompanied him. He brought me for a walk during his dinner break and we went to see our friends playin basketball... 39.8degrees fever, out in the fuckin' hot sizzling sun at around 5pm+... lol I think u can imagine what happened next. I almost fainted at the court and he brought me home. My sis-in-law brought me to the doc, and he gave me an injection b/c I was running a high fever. Guess I was kinda like allergic to the injection; I blacked out at my block's lift.. =_= Fuck my weak constitution =X If I hadn't train it up in NPCC, I think I'll be one sickly lil girl in everyone's eyes lmao.
Oops tried walking just now... My legs are all wobbly =_= Better get to bed soon... *sweats even more realising her Stuggart match has started $_$* Ahh well~
Anyway I decided to quit ConquerOnline for a bit... Broke off all relations/friendship with Shin.. It sux, but its for our good, and leavin CO for a while will help cool things down. Guess Ima concentrate on MapleStory and the upcoming game, Guild Wars... (-> http://www.guildwars.com check it out urself)
*Begins sweating like a pig =p* Damn why is it that I have to be down with fever when lotsa things came into mind... I wanna find my hp charger, make the instant congee thingy my mum bought for me, play MapleStory etc etc... >_>" meep. K thx bye ><
Monday, October 25, 2004
Saturday, October 16, 2004
金枝慾孽 rox!! *sob*
Man.. I've just complete watching the 金枝慾孽 (War and Beauty), a drama series from HK. Man, Suen Pak Yeung (孫白颺) and Yuk-ying(玉瑩) ROCKS! Tho' they died together in the end, but its still so romantic that Suen Pak Yeung did not give up on her and they managed to live and die together despite the complexity of the Forbidden City. All the actors and actresses are soooo awesome! 林保怡, 陳豪, 黎姿 RULES JOO ALL! :O I lovee watching the shows they act in. I like watching 佘詩曼's serials too, but I don't like her as a person. Still *sob* I cried my eyes out when I watched the last episode. I'll be buying the VCD myself if I get the money... And I'm SURE SCV will play it on 55 one day since its a big hit in HK. Wee!
Anyway, Mel's dad bought a Queen-sized bed for us... OMG. Can j00 f331 th3 str3ss? Uh ok enough of acting cute, but he bought a queen size bed for dear's room so it'll be more convenient for us.. 0_0 Does this mean we're supposed to get married? Idk I don't really want to think lol my mind's still pretty much on the show... It's just awesome! Another great show after 帝女花~ Hehe...
Guess I'm off to play some Maple Story ... I will try to update my blog some time soon~ ta-ta.
P.S: For my foreign friends + friends who don't know chinese... I don't care! Woo hoo! :P
::Edit:: I just realised the chinese words can't be read.. Can anyone teach me how to fix it? Thanks.
Anyway, Mel's dad bought a Queen-sized bed for us... OMG. Can j00 f331 th3 str3ss? Uh ok enough of acting cute, but he bought a queen size bed for dear's room so it'll be more convenient for us.. 0_0 Does this mean we're supposed to get married? Idk I don't really want to think lol my mind's still pretty much on the show... It's just awesome! Another great show after 帝女花~ Hehe...
Guess I'm off to play some Maple Story ... I will try to update my blog some time soon~ ta-ta.
P.S: For my foreign friends + friends who don't know chinese... I don't care! Woo hoo! :P
::Edit:: I just realised the chinese words can't be read.. Can anyone teach me how to fix it? Thanks.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
R.I.P Pipi...
I.. just went to check on him... and.. Pipi.. passed away.
He laid peacefully by the cage's stairs... At least he didnt die in weak agony... But its all my fault... I pushed everything to 'tomorrow'...
Feed him sugar water tomorrow... Change his wood shavings again tomorrow.. Force feed him again tomorrow... If I'd done something for him today... It wouldnt have felt this bad.
I loved Pipi the most... But he has to be the 1 struck by this stupid, agonizing illness.... Argh.
I can't sleep...
He laid peacefully by the cage's stairs... At least he didnt die in weak agony... But its all my fault... I pushed everything to 'tomorrow'...
Feed him sugar water tomorrow... Change his wood shavings again tomorrow.. Force feed him again tomorrow... If I'd done something for him today... It wouldnt have felt this bad.
I loved Pipi the most... But he has to be the 1 struck by this stupid, agonizing illness.... Argh.
I can't sleep...
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Haiz... Why are bad things happening to me recently?
After a series of bad events happening to me, more things have to come :( I've gotten over my bad birthday... But I realised that one of my hamster, Pipi, had this HUGE lump on his lower lip... He used to have a small small one on the right lower lip, and I thought it was ok... but WTF. Something that huge grew.. and I got increasingly worried b/c it says on the net that its either cancer/tumor or abcess...
Therefore I rushed to a vet in SunSet Way earlier in the evening.. All the way from Yishun (I went to stay over at Sis') and the vet verified that it was abcess for the small bit... But it might be a tumour for the huge one.
Abcess usually grows on the backs and bodies of hamsters but seldom mouth area... He explained to me that he doesnt suggest surgery b/c Pipi wouldn't have enough skin to be used to sew the wound up, and he prolly wouldnt be able to eat on his own for awhile and be very traumatised by the operation.. He's already 2, and reaching his end, but the thing was... He will end up dying of starvation.
Wtf... I mean really... I dote on my hamsters and pets ALOT. There's no way I'm gonna let them starve to death... But this time I have no choice. Pipi can't go for a surgery.. The abcess/tumour will get in the way of his feeding and he will eventually starve to death unless I manage to force feed him. But thats the problem. I hate to force feed my pets... It seems so cruel b/c they suffer like that. Thats the reason why I didn't get antibiotics at 1st... It'll be a torture for Pipi.
Still, I'm indecisive whether I should get antibiotics for him after all... Part of the reason why I didn't, was b/c I want to put Pipi to sleep when he starts to get very small size (he's fat before the tumour grew) becos of starvation or when I see him repulving and weak due to the pain.
I know its cruel to do that... But like what the vet and Mel said... Its better to end his suffering then prolong it.. My heart aches and tears form everytime I think about my poor Pipi... He'd started to slim down already. It's just all my fault. I should have brought him to the vet when the small bit existed. The big tumour might not be there today. And to think I took so long to realise that! It's huge.. It wouldn't have existed overnight... Its all my fault.. I should have changed the cages more often... The vet says we have to clean the cages everyday but I was too lazy to do so... And I'd only noticed when I saw that the food bowl was still 1/2 full... (My hamsters eat alot) Argh.
What should I do? Can someone suggest me? Set it free, keep it by my side till it slowly starve to death in front of me 1 day, or put it to sleep when he show signs of pain? Pls give me some suggestions... I'm at a total loss.
I'm still debating... Think I'm calling up the clinic tomorrow to ask if Pipi can use sand baths.. The abcess gets in the way for him to groom with his mouth and I know he's itching alot.
Therefore I rushed to a vet in SunSet Way earlier in the evening.. All the way from Yishun (I went to stay over at Sis') and the vet verified that it was abcess for the small bit... But it might be a tumour for the huge one.
Abcess usually grows on the backs and bodies of hamsters but seldom mouth area... He explained to me that he doesnt suggest surgery b/c Pipi wouldn't have enough skin to be used to sew the wound up, and he prolly wouldnt be able to eat on his own for awhile and be very traumatised by the operation.. He's already 2, and reaching his end, but the thing was... He will end up dying of starvation.
Wtf... I mean really... I dote on my hamsters and pets ALOT. There's no way I'm gonna let them starve to death... But this time I have no choice. Pipi can't go for a surgery.. The abcess/tumour will get in the way of his feeding and he will eventually starve to death unless I manage to force feed him. But thats the problem. I hate to force feed my pets... It seems so cruel b/c they suffer like that. Thats the reason why I didn't get antibiotics at 1st... It'll be a torture for Pipi.
Still, I'm indecisive whether I should get antibiotics for him after all... Part of the reason why I didn't, was b/c I want to put Pipi to sleep when he starts to get very small size (he's fat before the tumour grew) becos of starvation or when I see him repulving and weak due to the pain.
I know its cruel to do that... But like what the vet and Mel said... Its better to end his suffering then prolong it.. My heart aches and tears form everytime I think about my poor Pipi... He'd started to slim down already. It's just all my fault. I should have brought him to the vet when the small bit existed. The big tumour might not be there today. And to think I took so long to realise that! It's huge.. It wouldn't have existed overnight... Its all my fault.. I should have changed the cages more often... The vet says we have to clean the cages everyday but I was too lazy to do so... And I'd only noticed when I saw that the food bowl was still 1/2 full... (My hamsters eat alot) Argh.
What should I do? Can someone suggest me? Set it free, keep it by my side till it slowly starve to death in front of me 1 day, or put it to sleep when he show signs of pain? Pls give me some suggestions... I'm at a total loss.
I'm still debating... Think I'm calling up the clinic tomorrow to ask if Pipi can use sand baths.. The abcess gets in the way for him to groom with his mouth and I know he's itching alot.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Monday, October 04, 2004
Haiz...
Haiz.. I don't know. I really don't know. Was I, AM I, over-sensitive? Some typical guys might say I am, but I'm sure all/most girls, and even some guys, will agree that I wasn't.
Remember my previous posts that my birthday is gonna be a lousy 1? It is. Because of Vincent's uncertainty, I was forced to change my celebration at ChinaBlack to Ktv @ Shenton. I had only a total of 6 people who were going.
When we reached there, we called Yicai (he said he's coming) and he told us that he's with sperm, hock and bong. He told us to add another 12 people to the list of people coming, and I was actually quite happy about it.
So yea, we were singing, drinking, playing cards, playing 5; 10, joking around and chatting, and I thought, 'hey, maybe this isn't that bad after all.' Being the host, I decided to order a few jugs of beer and food for them in return for their attendance, and extended the room for another 1 hour.
Thing was, Mel and I had concluded that being guys, and comparing with past events, the guys will churn up their own share for the Ktv... I most prolly have to pay for the girls only. Besides, it wasn't as costly as most of their celebrations, so I thought the bill wasn't gonna be paid by me and solely me alone.
Then came the bill at 2.15am. Fucking $225.80... I've never spent this much at a Ktv before. John took the bill and passed it to me, and there was a unrecognisable expression on his face (FYI I think he's the richest person amongst us) and Hock DID ask how much the bill was, and slowly took out his handphone for the calculator... It sinked in that nobody wanted to pay the bill, or rather, share the bill. Some gave wide-eyed expressions when they heard how much it was. I waved at Hock and whipped out my wallet, paid the bill, and put what was left of my almost empty wallet back into my bag.
They came with no presents. Only Kailing was so nice to give me a surprise and got me a cake without letting me know (we already got a cake but Mel didn't 'bring it along'. Oh anyway his mum ate my cake my accident today, so I don't really have a birthday cake for today ha)
I was so emotionally shag from paying... I was already rather drunk and tired ( I had only 1 1/2 hours of sleep, remember?) that I had no mood to sing anymore... I believe anyone with eyes know that the bill was too much for me, but they all just ignored it.
When they went to have supper later, I went to the car and sleep. I didn't want to spend anymore money. I thought as I rested, that maybe they will like, talk to Mel and say, 'hey I think we should pay Jenx abit la... the bill is too expensive.'
No. They didn't. I mean, some of you might be thinking now, 'Wtf... Why so lame? If you want to invite people to your celebration, you have to pay.'
True enough, for some points. But I'm a girl. Out of the extra 7 people who turned up, 5 were the ones who said 'I don't know leh... Like not much people going.. If nobody go, I not going hor' blah blah blah and made me change my celebration into something I didn't want. I wanted so so much to celebrate at ChinaBlack.
I blamed it all on Vincent at 1st... But Mel told me just now that it happened to be his mum's birthday too, and he came to my bday celebration instead and quarrelled(?) with his mum. I don't know, I've never gotten his own side of the story. Anyway, for that, it was kinda my fault.. I didn't know his difficulty and 'stressed' him into coming. No wonder he'd given me a black face when he just reached. Sigh. If only he told me that he couldn't come b/c its his mum's birthday; I wouldn't blame him or w/e, and will be able to confirm my celebration earlier. I didn't even msg ZZ or think about him yesterday, since he has his reasons not to come.
Still, I know all this will turn me crazy or really against them all now, and I should stop thinking about yesterday but... I can't. It angers me so much, I simply can't. I can choose to stop talking about this now in the blog, but I won't be able to forget it. I had fun yesterday... I admit I did. But I did another thing too - I've finally seen thru what kind of people these friends are.
Therefore, the simple sum derived from MasterCard:
Cost of Birthday Celebration: SGD$225.80
Realising the true selves of your friends?
Priceless.
Remember my previous posts that my birthday is gonna be a lousy 1? It is. Because of Vincent's uncertainty, I was forced to change my celebration at ChinaBlack to Ktv @ Shenton. I had only a total of 6 people who were going.
When we reached there, we called Yicai (he said he's coming) and he told us that he's with sperm, hock and bong. He told us to add another 12 people to the list of people coming, and I was actually quite happy about it.
So yea, we were singing, drinking, playing cards, playing 5; 10, joking around and chatting, and I thought, 'hey, maybe this isn't that bad after all.' Being the host, I decided to order a few jugs of beer and food for them in return for their attendance, and extended the room for another 1 hour.
Thing was, Mel and I had concluded that being guys, and comparing with past events, the guys will churn up their own share for the Ktv... I most prolly have to pay for the girls only. Besides, it wasn't as costly as most of their celebrations, so I thought the bill wasn't gonna be paid by me and solely me alone.
Then came the bill at 2.15am. Fucking $225.80... I've never spent this much at a Ktv before. John took the bill and passed it to me, and there was a unrecognisable expression on his face (FYI I think he's the richest person amongst us) and Hock DID ask how much the bill was, and slowly took out his handphone for the calculator... It sinked in that nobody wanted to pay the bill, or rather, share the bill. Some gave wide-eyed expressions when they heard how much it was. I waved at Hock and whipped out my wallet, paid the bill, and put what was left of my almost empty wallet back into my bag.
They came with no presents. Only Kailing was so nice to give me a surprise and got me a cake without letting me know (we already got a cake but Mel didn't 'bring it along'. Oh anyway his mum ate my cake my accident today, so I don't really have a birthday cake for today ha)
I was so emotionally shag from paying... I was already rather drunk and tired ( I had only 1 1/2 hours of sleep, remember?) that I had no mood to sing anymore... I believe anyone with eyes know that the bill was too much for me, but they all just ignored it.
When they went to have supper later, I went to the car and sleep. I didn't want to spend anymore money. I thought as I rested, that maybe they will like, talk to Mel and say, 'hey I think we should pay Jenx abit la... the bill is too expensive.'
No. They didn't. I mean, some of you might be thinking now, 'Wtf... Why so lame? If you want to invite people to your celebration, you have to pay.'
True enough, for some points. But I'm a girl. Out of the extra 7 people who turned up, 5 were the ones who said 'I don't know leh... Like not much people going.. If nobody go, I not going hor' blah blah blah and made me change my celebration into something I didn't want. I wanted so so much to celebrate at ChinaBlack.
I blamed it all on Vincent at 1st... But Mel told me just now that it happened to be his mum's birthday too, and he came to my bday celebration instead and quarrelled(?) with his mum. I don't know, I've never gotten his own side of the story. Anyway, for that, it was kinda my fault.. I didn't know his difficulty and 'stressed' him into coming. No wonder he'd given me a black face when he just reached. Sigh. If only he told me that he couldn't come b/c its his mum's birthday; I wouldn't blame him or w/e, and will be able to confirm my celebration earlier. I didn't even msg ZZ or think about him yesterday, since he has his reasons not to come.
Still, I know all this will turn me crazy or really against them all now, and I should stop thinking about yesterday but... I can't. It angers me so much, I simply can't. I can choose to stop talking about this now in the blog, but I won't be able to forget it. I had fun yesterday... I admit I did. But I did another thing too - I've finally seen thru what kind of people these friends are.
Therefore, the simple sum derived from MasterCard:
Cost of Birthday Celebration: SGD$225.80
Realising the true selves of your friends?
Priceless.
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Friends? Friends my FOOT
So much for getting psyched la... All bullshit. BULLSHIT. No more ChinaBlack celebration for me. I feel so fucked up miserable now. One by one telling me, 'seems like nobody's going leh.. If nobody go, I think I'm not going hor... Sorry har... Happy Bday.'
HAPPY BDAY MY FOOT. I mean, friends of 2yrs+? I'd say its time wasted. Of course, I still have some friends going (I'm changing it to KTV), but it was halved from the original lesser group that confirmed with me.
I'm gonna take those friends who turned up as real friends now; those are the ones who really cared about my bday and not the place/people. To think the ones who couldn't turn up were the ones I'd gotten closer to.
A couple of them haven't confirmed with me yet, but I know their answers are sure 'No's because ZZ and Derek are at Devil's... Vincent most prolly joining... So needless to say, the booze, the women, the club, the people etc won most of them over. I'm not angry over that.
I'm just saddened at the fact that an original group of 12+ people shrinked to about 6 due to 2 human factors: Vincent's uncertainty and the lack of Zhizhong's presence. This is MY bday, not just another outing, I thought I deserve more due respect. I was so worried in the afternoon that Vincent's not coming... Now I couldn't care less.
I hope to celebrate my bday with Shalyn tomorrow prolly with the icytongers (provided she's not celebrating today like I do), at least that'll make me happier, provided I woke up in the mood to go out. I might just shell up at home feeling all inferior about myself, dropping into that god-damned depression again.
Even if I don't get to taste my fav Martell later, I'm gonna freakin' drink myself drunk with freakin' beer at the freakin' family Ktv lounge at freakin' Shenton, celebrating my freakin' fucked up 19th Birthday. Cya!
HAPPY BDAY MY FOOT. I mean, friends of 2yrs+? I'd say its time wasted. Of course, I still have some friends going (I'm changing it to KTV), but it was halved from the original lesser group that confirmed with me.
I'm gonna take those friends who turned up as real friends now; those are the ones who really cared about my bday and not the place/people. To think the ones who couldn't turn up were the ones I'd gotten closer to.
A couple of them haven't confirmed with me yet, but I know their answers are sure 'No's because ZZ and Derek are at Devil's... Vincent most prolly joining... So needless to say, the booze, the women, the club, the people etc won most of them over. I'm not angry over that.
I'm just saddened at the fact that an original group of 12+ people shrinked to about 6 due to 2 human factors: Vincent's uncertainty and the lack of Zhizhong's presence. This is MY bday, not just another outing, I thought I deserve more due respect. I was so worried in the afternoon that Vincent's not coming... Now I couldn't care less.
I hope to celebrate my bday with Shalyn tomorrow prolly with the icytongers (provided she's not celebrating today like I do), at least that'll make me happier, provided I woke up in the mood to go out. I might just shell up at home feeling all inferior about myself, dropping into that god-damned depression again.
Even if I don't get to taste my fav Martell later, I'm gonna freakin' drink myself drunk with freakin' beer at the freakin' family Ktv lounge at freakin' Shenton, celebrating my freakin' fucked up 19th Birthday. Cya!
Definition of Acting Cute =\
Muahaha~ this is meh... Beginning to get all psyched for tonight! (pre-make up that is =P) Oh fuck... Tailz gonna laugh at me for acting cute again. Bleah.
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Oh freaking hell... freakin' freakin' hell
I didn't even expect to login actually... Mel came for a stayover, I'd cut my internet connection at home becos of that darn antique was corrupted by the millions of porn sites my brother visited, downloading hundreds of spyware and virus at the same time. Argh, I'd never even bothered to switch it on. (And did you know what was searched in my yahoo search bar? 'Incest'... 'Group Sex' and my temp. internet folder had lots of incest websites on it... damn... I can't believe I'd stay with him under the same roof for 9 years.)
He brought his laptop over to play his Rome - Total War, which wasn't that good for the ratings it had. I have nothing against the game... just that, its so similar to other 'total war' games. It cost 60bucks and I didn't think it was that worth it. Idk, I guess its just not my type of game.
Anyway, his laptop has the wireless lan card... And it picked up wireless connection in my block :O which I never did with my own laptop. So viola~ Here I am =d
Anyway, in regards to the topic, yes, I'm in a terrible mood. I just realised from my friend that you don't get seats at Chinablack by reaching early... You have to reserve em. Thing is, I don't even know whats the price of a bottle of Martell there; I might be able to afford it after my bro give me an ang bao, but it's like, so rushed! ><>.> I can't go back to sleep now... If I do, I won't have time for my hair, my lil shopping, getting back to Mel's place, and preparing for the night's activities.
Damn I just feel so sick and tired... I just got this fuckin' bad feeling that my birthday celebration is gonna suck... I don't even intend to ask my boyfriend to get cakes :(
He brought his laptop over to play his Rome - Total War, which wasn't that good for the ratings it had. I have nothing against the game... just that, its so similar to other 'total war' games. It cost 60bucks and I didn't think it was that worth it. Idk, I guess its just not my type of game.
Anyway, his laptop has the wireless lan card... And it picked up wireless connection in my block :O which I never did with my own laptop. So viola~ Here I am =d
Anyway, in regards to the topic, yes, I'm in a terrible mood. I just realised from my friend that you don't get seats at Chinablack by reaching early... You have to reserve em. Thing is, I don't even know whats the price of a bottle of Martell there; I might be able to afford it after my bro give me an ang bao, but it's like, so rushed! ><>.> I can't go back to sleep now... If I do, I won't have time for my hair, my lil shopping, getting back to Mel's place, and preparing for the night's activities.
Damn I just feel so sick and tired... I just got this fuckin' bad feeling that my birthday celebration is gonna suck... I don't even intend to ask my boyfriend to get cakes :(
Its (gonna be) Mah Bday!
Well... Heh :P I'm celebrating my bday tomorrow, so I prolly can't update the blog until like, late sunday (b/c after celebrating it at Chinablack on Sat, I might have a lil gathering with my old da friends on Sunday... I'm not too sure about that, my friends are not confirming with me yet. So yea, earliest will be Sunday afternoon, but Ima post 1st ^^.
I was actually quite disappointed just now... Some friends called up and told me they can't make it tomorrow, b/c it clashed with ZZ's bro's friend's bday too.. So Vincent and prolly "He Mo" (Harrison lol) and Derek's gonna go with him.. they closer friends mahz. I'm just their hiadi's gf, I respect Zijian (ZZ's bro) so I'm not gonna bear a grudge.. Sui bian ba.
All I'm worried about is the amount of people going... I hate seeing a small group of us and it isnt as fun as what we do in the normal group. Vincent jio-ed us out tonight, prolly Ktv or chiong? Idk I'm not so sure, but I got a feeling its kinda like, to make up for not being able to attend my bday celebration tomorrow..
I understand that they can't help the situation.. But I can't help but be sad :(. Who won't? Frankly speaking, I hadn't had a very enjoyable bday for years.. Most of the time it's just me and friends getting drunk and party till late, go for supper, then go home. That's the cycle... repeating and repeating. Nothing special.. you know? I gave up my close bunch of friends.. the 'icytongers', those people who I really had alot of fun with, like bel, deron they all.. I never had a sad day hanging out with them ever since Leo introduced me to Stan and others. Yea we act like kids sometimes... actually, we were kids I guess. Back then, some of them were like, 15? We spend alot of time slacking at coffeebean/starbucks or CP's Yabbe... or Fisherman's village, to joke, talk, just enjoy each other's company. Birthday celebrations werent dull too. Man I miss them... Hope I'll be able to catch up with them soon...
And so, I gave up the time to spend with them, and spend it on Mel and his friends instead. The bday celebrations I had with them isn't as special and heart-warming as the celebrations I had with my friends... I mean, Vincent ZZ sperm they all are my friends too, but it was based on "She's Ah mel's gf" so despite seeing each other often, how close can we get? They are a tight group of hiadis who bonded, I'm just a girl. Machoism... Or however you spell that as.
Sigh... Gonna go prepare my stuff for tomorrow now. Gotta go to a couple of hairsalons nearby to ask the price for trimming and temp. perms.. Yea I wanna try having those small 'waves' at the tip of my hair... But I might just straighten it if I decide that it makes me look older than I already am. Oh and I should get some new clothes too...
BLAH. Birthdays. The day woman dread and love at the same time. Boo!
I was actually quite disappointed just now... Some friends called up and told me they can't make it tomorrow, b/c it clashed with ZZ's bro's friend's bday too.. So Vincent and prolly "He Mo" (Harrison lol) and Derek's gonna go with him.. they closer friends mahz. I'm just their hiadi's gf, I respect Zijian (ZZ's bro) so I'm not gonna bear a grudge.. Sui bian ba.
All I'm worried about is the amount of people going... I hate seeing a small group of us and it isnt as fun as what we do in the normal group. Vincent jio-ed us out tonight, prolly Ktv or chiong? Idk I'm not so sure, but I got a feeling its kinda like, to make up for not being able to attend my bday celebration tomorrow..
I understand that they can't help the situation.. But I can't help but be sad :(. Who won't? Frankly speaking, I hadn't had a very enjoyable bday for years.. Most of the time it's just me and friends getting drunk and party till late, go for supper, then go home. That's the cycle... repeating and repeating. Nothing special.. you know? I gave up my close bunch of friends.. the 'icytongers', those people who I really had alot of fun with, like bel, deron they all.. I never had a sad day hanging out with them ever since Leo introduced me to Stan and others. Yea we act like kids sometimes... actually, we were kids I guess. Back then, some of them were like, 15? We spend alot of time slacking at coffeebean/starbucks or CP's Yabbe... or Fisherman's village, to joke, talk, just enjoy each other's company. Birthday celebrations werent dull too. Man I miss them... Hope I'll be able to catch up with them soon...
And so, I gave up the time to spend with them, and spend it on Mel and his friends instead. The bday celebrations I had with them isn't as special and heart-warming as the celebrations I had with my friends... I mean, Vincent ZZ sperm they all are my friends too, but it was based on "She's Ah mel's gf" so despite seeing each other often, how close can we get? They are a tight group of hiadis who bonded, I'm just a girl. Machoism... Or however you spell that as.
Sigh... Gonna go prepare my stuff for tomorrow now. Gotta go to a couple of hairsalons nearby to ask the price for trimming and temp. perms.. Yea I wanna try having those small 'waves' at the tip of my hair... But I might just straighten it if I decide that it makes me look older than I already am. Oh and I should get some new clothes too...
BLAH. Birthdays. The day woman dread and love at the same time. Boo!
Friday, October 01, 2004
Boring Day~
yawn* I've been feeling nostalgic these few days.. I thought I've sorta recovered from that, but it struck me again >_> idk why. Done nothing much today actually.. Just went to IMM and Jurong Point to look around and buy food =d and I got myself a new keyboard.. Its pretty cool, my fav colour, but most importantly my old keyboard is CRAP. Its only 30 bucks atm, so I'm glad I got it.
Not bad, aye?
Anyway, my bday's in hmm, exactly 2 days :O Damn, I'm not even sure if I wanna celebrate it at Chinablack.
1) I don't have enough cash.. I have like $200+ atm but I'll need some for my hair that day. And a bottle of Martell there costs a BOMB.
2) Haveta go queue up early to get seats.. Troublesome!
3) Gets too squeezy sometimes. Not gonna be good if we end up not getting seats, or I end up getting drunk.
4) Well.. Idk. I'm just really hesitant and indecisive. Typical Libran *roll eyes*
We'll see how it goes =\ I'll be getting some pics taken that night, but on a regular camera tho, mum's holidaying in Taiwan and she told me she'll get my digicam somewhere along Nov, as a post-bday, pre-Christmas present. Like she ever gave me Christmas present before -_-. Oh well.
Anyway, moving on to other subjects, I was really debating with myself whether I should just splat all my private stuff on the blog... 'Cos frankly, I don't update my journal much now, thought it'll be nice if I keep all my thoughts in the blog, but then, I might end up having hundreds of people probing into my life.
Oh hell, whatever. I'll just spill most of my guts. Most.
I had a chat with one of my ex over MSN just now.. it was rather the 1st time we chat (I think) after I added him in my list. We chatted usual stuff, I lamed, he kinda lamed, and it got kinda awkward to me, at 1 point of time. I got reminded of the past... Its not vaguely refreshing in his mind, I bet he'd forgotten most stuff, but having a typical girl's memory, I still do. Made me wondered about some stuff, but I never actually ventured further thoughts.
Sigh. My mind's pretty fucked up recently.. Things happened which I can't explain. I'm confused... Very confused about lots of stuff, emotional ones mainly. I hate myself for behaving like that, I mean hey, I DO have a guy, we've been together for like what, 2yrs+? He isn't exactly the best of his kind, but it'll do, and I ought to be happy with him. I want to... but somehow, its not working very well.
Do I really love my guy that much? Or is it just the habit of being with him, having him in my life all the time? I don't know... I really don't. I know he's gonna read it one day, in fact soon. He's rather possessive sometimes... It will be BAD BAD BADx1000000 news if he ever read this, but its honestly what bothers me. I'm actually hoping SOMEbody will slap some sense into me so I'll know what I really want.
Not bad, aye?
Anyway, my bday's in hmm, exactly 2 days :O Damn, I'm not even sure if I wanna celebrate it at Chinablack.
1) I don't have enough cash.. I have like $200+ atm but I'll need some for my hair that day. And a bottle of Martell there costs a BOMB.
2) Haveta go queue up early to get seats.. Troublesome!
3) Gets too squeezy sometimes. Not gonna be good if we end up not getting seats, or I end up getting drunk.
4) Well.. Idk. I'm just really hesitant and indecisive. Typical Libran *roll eyes*
We'll see how it goes =\ I'll be getting some pics taken that night, but on a regular camera tho, mum's holidaying in Taiwan and she told me she'll get my digicam somewhere along Nov, as a post-bday, pre-Christmas present. Like she ever gave me Christmas present before -_-. Oh well.
Anyway, moving on to other subjects, I was really debating with myself whether I should just splat all my private stuff on the blog... 'Cos frankly, I don't update my journal much now, thought it'll be nice if I keep all my thoughts in the blog, but then, I might end up having hundreds of people probing into my life.
Oh hell, whatever. I'll just spill most of my guts. Most.
I had a chat with one of my ex over MSN just now.. it was rather the 1st time we chat (I think) after I added him in my list. We chatted usual stuff, I lamed, he kinda lamed, and it got kinda awkward to me, at 1 point of time. I got reminded of the past... Its not vaguely refreshing in his mind, I bet he'd forgotten most stuff, but having a typical girl's memory, I still do. Made me wondered about some stuff, but I never actually ventured further thoughts.
Sigh. My mind's pretty fucked up recently.. Things happened which I can't explain. I'm confused... Very confused about lots of stuff, emotional ones mainly. I hate myself for behaving like that, I mean hey, I DO have a guy, we've been together for like what, 2yrs+? He isn't exactly the best of his kind, but it'll do, and I ought to be happy with him. I want to... but somehow, its not working very well.
Do I really love my guy that much? Or is it just the habit of being with him, having him in my life all the time? I don't know... I really don't. I know he's gonna read it one day, in fact soon. He's rather possessive sometimes... It will be BAD BAD BADx1000000 news if he ever read this, but its honestly what bothers me. I'm actually hoping SOMEbody will slap some sense into me so I'll know what I really want.
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