A new year.

T minus 3 hours to an entirely new year.

I did something out of character by cracking open my bottle of vodka and starting early with the festivities. Don't get me wrong; You know I drink like a fish, but when in the warm cocoon of my own room, I usually prefer to crack open a bottle of beer or indulge in a glass or two of red wine from my collection instead.

I guess the last day of every year is almost a mandatory moment for you to reminisce about what's happened in the past 364 days, and what lies ahead in the coming 365 days, but as I stood in the kitchen sipping my little cocktail 5 minutes ago, I pursed my lips and came up with nothing.

Maybe I've gotten lazy and refused to think, but I do know this - Life is not for indulging too long a time in contemplating... Life is not bliss, life is just this.

I know what I want. I know what I must do to get what I want. I remember all the fucked up shit that have happened to me in the past year, so DAMN if I allow them to happen again.

No pompous resolutions with illusion of grandeur this year, no bullshit, no promises that prolly couldn't be realised - It all sounds a little self-indulgent,  self-derogatory, debased, but I suppose this is what Jennifer Lim has evolved into. :)

No excuses.

No apologies.

No regrets.

Happy 2009 matey, yo ho~!

I get that... Sigh.


But well, all I can say is:



Loneliness has a way of creeping up on people, slowly but surely winding its vines around - constricting, suffocating, choking the life out of us.

In this instance, it has left such a gaping hole inside me, that every breeze generated by the slighest movement, felt like a hurricane swept through the core of my body. The stress from work did not make things better.

In sooth, I need to admit while this 'loneliness' depicted mainly of my status quo of a love life for the past 15 months(albeit having a few colourful characters thrown into it - Rodney the Rotten, "Backstreet Boy", the "2 apples I had at one go", D, King I., etc etc) it was also because of my apparent detachment from the world. I've always tried so hard to belong, but I could never quite fit in... The more I tried, the more I felt like the sore thumb that stood out.

People always tell me, "Don't look. It always hits you when you're not looking."

My dears, don't you understand? I haven't been looking. To be honest, all I have been looking for recently, was spots of fun; Carpe diem, c'est la vie and all that crap while hanging on to bits of sensitivity and decorum.

It wasn't until I met D that I thought, "Hey, insouciant and vivacious as this is, there could be more to this life that I'm leading."

When he left, my flicker of hope went along with him. The flames would flare and reflect in my eyes everytime we chat, but just as surely enough that my deep affections for him would never cease to be, my tiny sparkle of hope is sputtering to its end.

For now, I'm contended with fading into the woodworks. For now...


Breathe

Swish, splash, hush.
I plunged into the icy pool without a roar.
I tried to rub my arms for warmth,
But my skin was scruffed raw.

This pain,
It claws –
At my heart, my guts, my throat.
I can’t breathe.

Gnaw, slash, rip.
In all my vainglory, I am torpid inside.
A votary of destiny,
Its brusque decision had me pliant.

My struggle to fight deliquesced;
Life has placed a malediction on me.
Just leave me alone to lick my wounds –
I need to cleanse my soul.

I can’t breathe.

- Jennifer Lim
June 2006, edited December 2008.

This brave little soldier is trudging on.

So what if he's disappearing from your life? You're used to such things. You're made of stronger stuff. You can do this.

March on little soldier.

Decaf.

Trying to delude yourself with a decaffeinated hazelnut latte at 7.45am in the office would only serve to do 2 things:

1) Lead your paranoid, exhausted body into experiencing all the nauseousness, giddiness and stomachache even when there's no caffeine(in short, your body going neh neh ni boo boo),

2) you still feel as fucking tired.

Online retail therapy.

I just got my cheapo Citibank credit card in the mail yesterday, and I put it to good use today by shopping at Victoria's Secret.

Nothing beats retail therapy while sitting right smack on your butt while browsing through everything they've got, hours after hours.

But then again, THIS will beat it all:


Merchandise Subtotal $278.50
Shipping/Handling $56.99
Special Offer – $75.00
Taxable Subtotal $260.49
Sales Tax $0.00
Order Subtotal $260.49
ORDER TOTAL
$ 260.49
Purchases made by Ying and me :)


$75USD tier discount. Oh and don't forget the gifts with purchase ;) Thank goodness I thought to check online. Turns out, there's practically a whole community/forum of women sharing offer codes and exchanging tips... I've yet to master the skills of stacking codes! Oh well. I forgot to buy my bikinis, so I'll prolly brush up my skills during the next retail therapy. *Wide grin*


HALLUJAH!

I just needed to rant...

on Barack Hussein Obama.

Again, I state, I am NOT American, I am NOT white, I am NOT a racist. I mean, what's with the indirect messages of being deemed as racist if you don't vote for Obama, just because you don't agree with his vision of U.S.A?

I mean, what's with the fanatic Obama followers that went, "You didn't vote for Obama? YOU FUCKING RACIST!" And hello, 'Civilian Security Force'?! How about Gestapo? Ring a bell? Or the uniformed people who followed Louis Farrakhan around? Am I going to be thrashed for saying Obama reminds me of Louis Farrakhan, - albeit with more charisma - a 'Black Hitler', and displaying symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?


If, a bunch of civilians, - uniformed AND uninformed - are empowered under this force that Obama aspires to set up, what do you THINK is going to happen?


It is not really democracy anymore. It's socialism. I don't know how you feel about it, but I sure don't like it. Oh, there's going to be CHANGES, alright. I'm just not sure if it's any good.

I know there's no point for someone who's not even American to be ranting about such stuff after the election is over. Yes yes, I KNOW, the election is OVER, the world now just has to DEAL and await with bated breath to see just which promises would BHO realise.


The good, the bad, the world-changing decisions. Oh boy. Fun.

Yes, amidst all the YAY OBAMA, Obama-rama, cult of Obi-wan Obama, I'm making a stand - McCain fanatic I am not. Obama basher? That I am. =]


Narcissistic Personality Disorder(According to professionals, you'll just need 5 of the symptoms to be diagnosed with NPD):

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements). - What HAS Obama achieved in his political career so far, besides becoming POTUS?

(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. - It is everywhere in his speech, don't tell me you didn't notice.

(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people(or institutions). - See above, and also think about Obama's inner circle of high-profile friends.

(4) requires excessive admiration. - See (2) & (3).

(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations. - No? Go Google Obama's speeches after his failed Philadelphia debate.

(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends. - "Hey, anybody knows where Jeremiah Wright is now?" So much so for inspiring Obama, huh.

(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. - Have you listened to his opinion on living babies who survived abortion?

(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her. - Okay, this I've not exactly noticed yet. But look at Obama's campaign ads of showing McCain's homes; He casted McCain's wealth in the bad light just because McCain managed to freaking earned those money.

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. - I'm thinking... Self-evident. Think about the biblical and messiah references. "My hour is almost here." Then again... He was raised on muslim faith. Hmm.


Arguably at least 7 points out of 9. Point.


(NPD argument inspired and partially adapted from abovetopsecret.)


... He enforces discipline, adherence to his teachings, and common goals. The less accomplished he is in reality – the more stringent his mastery and the more pervasive the brainwashing.

Mat Gordon

I was out with my friend Samuel last Saturday evening for a movie and dinner, and when we were chattering quietly to each other while waiting for Madagascar 2 to start(which is a really good show, go watch it!), one commercial came on and I was like... :O

*Cues jaw dropping and drool collecting at corner of mouth.*


Mat Gordon in the Paco Rabanne's 1 Million commercial.

Excuse me if I am being a 'mountain turtle', but it was the first time I saw a model having dialogues(albeit he kinda muttered) AND dance moves in a branded product's ad. Usually they just prance around half-naked or lie entangled with some other anorexic pretty models.



I know, poorly captured screenshot, so shoot me!




And he's hot. HOT LIKE HELL. I literally tuned my friend out while I stared at the screen mesmerised. What to do? Told ya I have a thing for tall skinny men.

It might be the fact that all my perfume have been used up and I need to get a new bottle, but I must say the power of advertisement has hit me hard this time 'round, for the first time ever.

I WANT a Paco Rabanne perfume!

*Whimpers* Mama like!


Oi. Looks eeriely like Tom Cruise, lor!


P.S: Oh, I've just realised he didn't speak. Funny that I thought he did. *Shrugs* So here's the commercial. Enjoy ;)

Wtf?! Why am I getting plagurised?

Alright, first of all I had Stephanie who copied part of my About Me on the right hand side here, and used it as her MSN nickname last month.

"I may appear headstrong & stubborn, but its only to
protect myself."

Trust me, it's mine. I've had it there since as long as this blog existed. It wasn't even a good quote or whatever; I would have edited the whole thing if blogspot lets me. (Some html errors - I gave up.)

When I asked her about it, she tried to brush it off as coincidence even though it was word for word, down to the '&' I used.

Then now this?!


I'm not about to do free advertising for someone who plagurised me.


So, what, do I have to ™ every single thing I write now?! WTF!


- JenxGeR™

Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,
So do our minutes hasten to their end;
Each changing place with that which goes before,
In sequent toil all forwards do contend.
Nativity, once in the main of light,
Crawls to maturity, wherewith being crown'd,
Crooked eclipses 'gainst his glory fight,
And Time that gave doth now his gift confound.
Time doth transfix the flourish set on youth
And delves the parallels in beauty's brow,
Feeds on the rarities of nature's truth,
And nothing stands but for his scythe to mow:
And yet to times in hope, my verse shall stand
Praising thy worth, despite his cruel hand.


- William Shakespeare, Sonnet 60.

The new history is set in stone.

Barack Hussein Obama - Senator for 4 years, ran for presidency for half of that.


Not that I have anything against Obama, if at all, but I just feel that John McCain would make for a MUCH better president. Even if his choice of vice president is questionable.

I just feel that the current America is not ready for a black President yet. I worry that there will still be people unhappy with a 'Black' President, thus making the racism problem worse, and God's Teeth, I hope he doesn't get assassinated or whatever. Which brings me to the question - Is KKK still active?

Also, with the typical African American's behaviour in social environment, how would they behave now with one of them has become the President, albeit a mulato one? My questions may sound a little extreme and tinged with racism in light of the intense sufferings that the African-Americans have went through since slavery in Africa thousands of years ago, but they would not be entirely groundless, right?

And no, I'm NOT racist; I'm not even American!
(Trust me, I was seeing a black guy for the past couple of months, which proves I'm so NOT racist. Also, what's with the indirect message that you are deemed as a racist, just because you do not vote for Obama?)

Anywayyyys, setting aside the potential disasters, Obama just seems... Too soft. And too slick. You don't influence the world just because maybe, when you were a kid, you've once acclaimed, "I'm going to be the president of the United States of America when I grow up, Ma!" (No, he did not say that; I was just making a point) or something; You've got to have it.

Yes, I know with Obama being a Democrat, who are famous for spending lots of money, will provide the boost that the US economy needs right now and hey, yay for Asian markets! But I hardly think he's the right man in the long run. I mean, look at his 'tactics' for Iraq! Obama is fanciful with words, and he might have good advisors, I'll give him that, but one can only keep his fingers crossed as to how he would fare as President of U.S.A.

I'm not saying McCain is the god-send from Heaven and he was made for Presidency, but I just don't think Obama's it. McCain's only downfall is that he did not shake off the Bush's shadow in time, and also his old age - Everyone's apparently afraid that Palin will be President in the case he dies.


Current projected results on my company's TV:


Obama - 200

McCain - 090


I can't watch on anymore. With a bit of artistic license...


God Save the Free!


I fear for the state of the world.

戰無不勝.

哪個叫做正義　哪個戰無不勝　
對錯正邪卻難定
哪個有權決定　天地自能做證　
不管有什麼背景


也許一出手　將世界左右
縱使一開口　空氣也顫抖
但是天闊地厚　誰都知這叫作荒謬


隻手一遮天　怎看見反面
四方給差遣　雙眼也蓋掩
越是到巔峰　越快變　變得似瘋癲
一個人　怎可以一手勝天


要有這樣氣侯　至有各樣妖獸　
笑說正義太陳舊
耨蟥A是太舊　天地未能沒有　
不管有什麼藉口


Er yeah, I've returned to my sporadic addictions to 古惑仔. Anyways,

My dear blog readers, ESPECIALLY my friends, leave comments leh. You guys ah, always telling me that you read my blog, and then pay me compliments here and there about how you love reading it - So leave comments mah!

See lah, make me type in Singlish. No more gud English for you already, lah.

Long distance thing?!

It's probably very silly of me to be fawning over your words, but you totally got me when you gave me that compliment over our oovoo chat earlier on.

This is one of the few times that I can't recall a convo word for word :P But hey, I was taken aback, ok!


You said something like...

"You're almost perfect; You're really cool to hang out with and great to talk to. I mean, sometimes I tease you and we crack jokes but you're always cool. Look, you have a gorgeous figure and an absolutely beautiful face. I know you feel inferior about yourself and probably don't believe me, but you are honestly one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. I'm serious!"
The above looks like a word for word quotation, but its not. I was just typing based on bits and pieces of what I think I remembered.


Hardly! Look at all the celebrities you've met! However, I'll take it you meant it as one of the most beautiful women with BOTH interior and exterior beauty, yea? Thank you, cutie.

I still can't hear you call me 'love' without flinching, but it makes me a lil deliriously happy whenever you blurt out in the middle of our chat, "You're sooo cute!" and then flash me that gorgeous smile of yours.


Just a little bit... Heh. :)



"If we are going to do this long distance thing, we should take videos and send each other once in awhile."

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "LONG DISTANCE THING"?! Now you're causing my overactive mind to read into that too much. Grr!

Should I, would I?

I've gotten a list of affordable hotels to choose from, and the airlines I would want to take, all down pat. Barring all else, the round trip tickets + hotels + basic expenses/light shopping will costs me about $3500-$4000.

If my financing permits, then I would be getting a open return ticket instead :). I've always wanted to visit the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave, after all.

All I need is to know if I would need to stay at a hotel, and also to conceive a concrete plan to save up that few thousand dollars for the trip(What with paying a few hundred dollars worth of installments every month, coupled with the new laptop that I would have to pay for next month. Oh, and I signed up for broadband, like FINALLY). The pesky subject of his availability to be in town should be confirmed by December.


Now, the problem is... Should I?

Lies versus Paranoia.

Author's note: Hey Nanda! I am honoured that my past posts actually made you cry for me... But don't worry, I don't think my depression's coming back anytime soon, thus, no more tears! :P


You're either a competent liar, or I'm being paranoid.

Everytime I force myself to let you go bit by bit, you come back into my life looking so fucking cute and making me laugh all the time. You make me think of getting a job in LA, settling down over there, and galloping into the sunset (boulevard?) with you.

Sigh.

Either ways, I've given up fighting this.


I'll be seeing you at the bitter end...


"Well--
all things turn bitter in the end
whether you choose the right or
the left way
and--
dreams are not a bad thing."

Oh shit.

Yan is here to stay over tonight, and as she read my magazine, I was chattering on...


Yan: "*Cuts me off midword* You've been talking about your King I. more than you mention D tonight."

Me: "... Shit."


There weren't supposed to be any emotional attachments. Now I realise I'm turning possessive.

*Frowns*


On another note, I was checking my MySpace account earlier on, and I looked around and landed on D's page. Ok, FINE, I went into his profile because he's still YET to add me. Apparently, he's gonna meet up this girl he worked with at Hilary Duff's concert last year, and catch up. Also, every comment that D left for her since early last year was peppered with 'Miss you terribly love!' and 'catch up soon!!"

Coincidentally, I recall D once telling me about this girl he almost hooked up with at HD's concert, but didn't because he was the music director and had to maintain the level of professionalism.

How nice. I think about how I used to squeal when he calls me love, and I turn green around the gills. My heart feels so god-damn heavy and I feel like I'm on the verge of throwing up. Bloody sick and tired of feeling like a yo-yo.


Now excuse me while I go slash my wrists.

Say hi to my baby.

She's red, not orange by the way.


I named her Artemis. Big name for a noobie's guitar, but she gets extra credits for being the eldest of many more to come.

One day... One fine day, I will have a baby deem worthy to call Apollo. And hopefully more to name Nyx, Erebus, Chaos, Tartarus, Eros, Ares and Erinyes, etc.

The next baby to come should be Meliae, accoustic guitar. Though prolly not after I've saved up a significant amount for my US trip next year :)

P.S: Everytime I think I've reached the deadend with D - when I already feel my heart breaking into pieces, crunching like car wheels on a gravel road... He would emerge with an email or call like a knight in shining armor, and impact me once again.

I mean, I was actually going to end this post on a more depressing note when my MSN messenger popped up with a notifier that I've received an email from him. How unbelievable is that?

Ramblings, and then some again.

Yesterday was one of the few rare nights that I ventured into Clarke Quay alone, without knowing which of my friends might be there.

I'd only arranged to meet up with Dawg, but knowing that he'll be performing and such, I was fully prepared to be a lone ranger and leave within an hour of being in CQ.

Surprisingly, I've had the most fun I've had recently. I was with lovely friends who were wonderful company (Damien, Salman and Katherine), and I still manage to catch Ivory and Dawg perform in Arena.

I even had fun chatting with Dawg and his friend while smoking outside, before I went back in and Rukesh invited me to join him and his guests from SPH, and the singer from Bellini Grande. Total cutie by the way.

It was good. I wasn't sloshed, but had enough to just enjoy myself. And I did. For once, I was the centre of attention, and not a sidekick to the girlfriend of the guy who we're following around recently.

I chose where I wanna go, what I wanna do. And while I know that this probably won't happen again(having good company to party with all night long, and men falling all over your feet), it made me feel ALOT better after the crappy Friday I've had.

Also, I couldn't deny myself a lil smug satisfaction. I bumped into Leandra and her friend in Arena again, and we were on the dancefloor watching King I.'s set. They were drooling over him and muttered something about, "I would like an order of THAT!"

I smirked while they prattled on, and was on the verge of saying, "Sorry ladies, this HOT, fine specimen of a man is going back with ME tonight!"


Fortunately, I managed to bite my tongue.


3 weeks in a row. In point of fact, I now know more about King I. than I know D. I know bits about where King I. used to school at, bits of his family, bits of his work before he came to Asia, and what are his dreams and aspirations.

And what do I know of D? - What he's doing recently, who he used to play for, and how he was like in school. Yet D is the one who sets butterflies free in my stomach and ties my intestines up in knots whenever we chat.

ARGH. Dead ends on both Path A and Path B. I think I ought to scrape those two paths and procure my own walkway.

Bros before hos.

Bros before hos, look into it. It's not the first time, and I doubt it'll be the last.

I know you've been through some of my tough shiet with me, but think of the things I've done for you. Stop measuring everything Nigel-wise.

I always thought I will definitely be there for you when this thing you have with him goes down, or when your mum returns, whatever.


Now I'm not too sure.

Motley Crue in Singapore.

Author's note: Stupid fucking dumbass Ricky from Kumpufuckinlan strikes again. Our email correspondence:

Ricky: We have 8mm width rubber bands.
Me: I need 0.2cm width rubber bands instead, we don't need the 0.8cm thick ones. Do you have it?
Ricky: Width is 8mm.

DUMBASS! 8MM and 0.8CM; WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? YOU FUCKING BRAINLESS PIECE OF SHIT.


Yes, can you believe it?! SINGAPORE, actually had Mötley Crüe stop by for a 1 night only concert. The only other Asia country they will be at, is fucking Japan.

They didn't stop at Malaysia, Philipines, or Taiwan whatever. Not even Australia, who is so near us.

Holy hell. It was one god-damn awesome concert that was worth every buck (ticket prices were around $125-$160), especially when I got to see it for free. And most importantly, not have to queue. Friends who know me, would also know that I LOVE heavy metal and rock music, especially those from the late 70's to 80's. (AC/DC, Megadeth, Pantera, Rob Zombie, Kid Rock, The Who, The Clash, Sex Pistols, etc)

Naturally, the concert was like Heaven to me.


Sigh. Yes. This is the result of a 3.2mega pixel Sony Ericsson phone taken about 200m away. Can't see shit. I miss my Viewty :(.


Thank you Nigel. :D First you let me meet Glenn Ong, then I met the musicians from the American Idol and Rockstar Supernova housebands, and now I got to see Mötley Crüe... OMG!!!

We had the free flow drinks going on for us, but it didn't take long for us to go crazy. The anticipation of seeing them and finally doing so, made us HIGH enough! Basically I went crazy when they played AC/DC's Hells Bells on the speakers to cover the sounds of their sound check. Lmao.


If you did not make it to the concert, well... TOO BAD.

HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!!!

You've unfortunately missed out on the hottest bassist alive - Nikki Sixx, the seemingly harmless but charming vocalist - Vince Neil, Mick Mars whose guitar skills I respect almost as much as I worship Angus Young's, and Tommy Lee, the eternal bad boy who drives fans wild.




I mean, I'm talking about Mötley Crüe... Do I really need to explain further? I don't think so.

HELL YEAH!!!

Some men can just kiss my arse.

Okay, imagine this. In the beginning, you know a girl called Aizhen via WhoLivesNearYou.com. A few days later you receive a message on Facebook from a guy with no display picture, asking to be friends with you. As per usual, you ignore it.

One day, she introduced you to a guy, saying that he needs a model for his car's photoshoot. Thus you know the guy on 11th August 2008. You speak to him in MSN and he generously offered to loan you his laptop by arranging to meet on 12th August 2008. You exchange contacts and SMSes.

You two meet up for a couple of times, and you notice that the guy has an obvious liking towards you. You keep mum because you don't feel anything towards guy at all, but wish to still have him as a friend.

Guy asks you to be the model for his WRX which will be featured in Hot Stuff magazine. You agree. Guy informs dresscode of spaghetti/bikini top with skirt or shorts, and said that you would need to submit a photo for the editors to look through beforehand. You wavered. Eventually life caught up and you got too busy to do so, and conclude that you would skip this opportunity.

One day, as you messed about with guy's laptop, you realise the computer name was QuinSeng. It looks familiar and you realise its the same name as the account that Aizhen used to message you on WhoLivesNearYou. Composedly, you enquire with guy on the coincidence. Guy explained he loaned the account to the girl to use. By then, girl has stopped messaging you.

One day, guy starts rattling about his feelings to you, over in MSN. Before you get a word in, guy starts saying "I like you very much... *Hesitates* But I know you will never like me :) So its okay, hush. You don't have to say anything." *Rattles on and on.*

Conversation gets dominated of him making an ass out of u and me and you get pissed off. You chastise the guy, and guy gets frightened off. A week or so later, guy starts bugging for laptop back. You eventually backed up your stuff and complied.

3 days after retrieving his laptop, guy messages you on MSN and ask to be real friends as if he did not disappear off the face of the earth, only returning at times to bug for laptop. You consent, but asked guy to clear up some doubts, because you've come to realise that the anonymous person who asked to be friends on Facebook, was actually THE guy. HE MESSAGED YOU 4 DAYS BEFORE YOU SPOKE TO HIM, WHICH WAS AROUND THE SAME TIME THAT AIZHEN GOT YOUR MSN EMAIL.

Guy admits to sending the message, but INSISTS that he messaged you on the day he knew you, even though the message is still in your Facebook account. He later on claims that his Facebook's Sent Messages is emptied and he couldn't remember what he sent you.

Too many questions raised that were never really dealt with. Guy accuses you of shooting him like a criminal when guy was the one unable to give you any explanation. On suspicions that the Hot Stuff magazine shoot was a hoax (which is perfectly reasonable), you ask for the contacts of the editor/staff from Hot Stuff magazine, guy was only able to provide you with an GMAIL address.

Guy gets frustrated over not being able to answer your question, or even dare to admit to doing anything, and eventually tell you that he don't think you two can be friends and says he doesn't need your view.


YOU KNOW WHAT, MR BERNARD POON QUINSENG? I NO LONGER NEED AN EXPLANATION FROM YOU, YOU CREEP.

The law might say, "INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE", but your actions so far have deemed you as a creepy schizo/psychopath until proven innocent.

Screw you, Bernard. And not in the good way you would have wanted from me.



I'd much rather spend the time googling or daydreaming about D. Much better time spent than on the likes of YOU. ARGH.

Whew!

Celebrated our dear Miss Leck's birthday over the weekend. It was one crazy party, whew! Our birthday girl got smashing drunk before we even cut her cake at almost 10pm, LOL!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YAN!


Dear Yan leopard crawled, fell off chairs, zao geng, bite/hug/kick/kiss/smack people all over the place... Stepped on poor Ting's feet a few times and gave me a headbutt while I was wrestling with her hands... HAHAHA.

Still, it was a fun night. I got to see my dearies - Ni, Boon, Ting and Yan all together at one time ever since our last gathering at my place in April. Too bad we forgot to take a group pic. How can! *Feels bad*

Anyway, onto the topic of D, I knew I said I was going to swear off him for good, and that I'm done... But it wasn't my fault that he gave me a call in the middle of that night when I did not even know he was online! (Poor excuse, I know... :P)

Thanks to Yan's laptop, I DID manage to have a nice chat with D for AN HOUR again on Sunday morning (To which I slept at 6am and woke up at 9.20am, waiting) while I kicked Ting and Yan to the courtyard to give me some privacy while doing so. Have I told you I love my best friends? Hehehe...

I've became more or less of a hermit ever since I knew D. Always 'camping' out at home by 9pm (Or frankly, once I knock off from work) and waking up by noon on weekends no matter what time I fell asleep the night or morning prior. While I admit I'm addicted to D, I am also willing to compromise now. I DO know from Day One that it's all for a lost cause, after all.

I'll admit that I'm half in love with him already, but it shall always be "bros before hos", okay? Just wanted to let my friends know that I still love you guys, and I will try to go back to class from now on. :)

Anyway, managed to catch 2 movies recently after my 'movie drought' of a month plus.



Caught this movie with my dear Ting, Yan and Emily. We absolutely LOVED The House Bunny! Hilarious with classic quotes I won't be forgetting for awhile. "I never knew steam was so HOT!" The transformation of the girls also got my eyes nearly popping out of their sockets O_O. I actually cried at one Oliver scene because somehow, he reminded me of D. *sigh*


Donnie Yen~~~

Painted Skin was not what I expected. It being the only movie with suitable time slot for Ting, Yan and I to watch before we check out of Park Hotel, I was at first reluctant and almost veto-ed it, but my discretions soon disappeared when I saw Donnie Yen on the credit roll at the beginning. ("v")

It wasn't a horror movie as I'd originally thought too. It's just a love story with a demon theme... Wanted Zhao Wei to end up with Donnie SO SO much, so I was kinda disappointed in the end. Hated the General for actually falling in love with the vixen but was pacified when he made the right choice in the end.

Am glad I managed to catch 2 good shows instead of crappy ones in my limited free time, and with my dear girls while at it.


I'm probably paranoid for thinking so, but I felt ostracized ever since I'd stopped going to class since mid July. Whenever I do go to class or class events, mummy's(Note: the mummy I'm talking about its not my real mother, lah) “full-time” seem to have monopolised most of her time and they seem so close that I felt like I'd lost my spot in her life... It felt that way at our Taiwan trip when we were sharing our learnings and thoughts when mummy thanked her for being there and Amanda and I weren't around, and she named all the people who she wants to see succeed alongside with her... Everyone but my name. 从那时起，心里的结已开始酝酿着，我开始把他们锁在我心外。。。


我知道这样说，是等于不够气量，我也好讨厌自己会有那么自私的想法，但我的确是有这种感觉啊。。。我也想好好努力，让我的上线们能够以我为荣；让我可以成为老师的作品，而不是继续做老师的作业，但我还需要多一点点的关心。。。



真正了解我的知心好友，会了解我多么地害怕孤单寂寞。



我也好想好想成功；与组织里的朋友们顶峰相见的欲望还是好强好强，但这近半年来的孤独感已笼罩了我。。。我一个人，走不出来。Therefore, I can't really explain how happy it made me when I was amongst my secondary school friends on Yan's birthday... 真的好开心我还是有朋友的。重新发展自己的事业的那份欲望，又回来了。 :)

放心啦，心里的结已经打开了，我还是很爱我的朋友的，ｏｋ！


好啦，我也不想再谈这些有的没的；情绪是很重要的！Emo 只会让我体内的毒素增加，我才不要勒。。。我要美美和健健康康地过我的每一天 :)

TGIF... But why? :(

Why oh why, when I'd admirably and defiantly forced myself to stay out till past midnight yesterday, did you decide to give me a call at 2am?

I took a baby step forward to giving up and you practically shove me back into this... Whatever this is.


Not fair~~~ :(

Am I losing you already? Big girls don't cry... Don't cry...

3rd day and I'm still out. Zzz. Hate that I throw up the moment I wake up. NO, I'm NOT pregnant. Just down with some muthafu*king serious stomach flu.


For the last couple of days while I rested at home, I've noticed too many issues that will raise too many questions I don't really feel like asking him anymore. (Adding all others but me on MySpace, only 2 Skype contacts on the account he uses to chat with me - Not very probable, even I have 15 contacts when I've never really used it, so on and so forth.)


I know I said I was going to fight for it, for YOU, D, but I can feel that I'm losing you already.

Even though it is tearing me apart doing so, I give up. Officially.


I'm done.


Gawd I feel like throwing up. Is it because of my illness or because of him? I'm thinking this time, it's the latter.


For when my outward action doth demonstrate
The native act and figure of my heart
In complement extern, 'tis not long after
But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve
For daws to peck at. I am not what I am.


Come sing along with me...

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in sea, and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so, but let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into hey nonny nonny.

Brief account of the last week.

I'm feeling SO demoralised right now... Because I've been sick like a dog for the last 2 days and I thought, hey, maybe I'll get to spend more time chatting with D on Skype but nooo... He's not been online. Only got a 4 minutes' chat with him when he was at his studio, evening time. Whatever happened to the calls when he wakes up at home? I'm starting to come out of this love-induced haze and realising that I prolly never meant much to him at all. *Glooms*


Well, I've lost my HP, as stated in my previous post, so do SMS me if you happened to have given me your number within the last 3 months, as I still have my old phone that I'm using now which is updated till early July.

To keep it brief, I lost my lovely LG Viewty on Friday (Sat morning to be precise) when the batt went dead but being dumb as I was (and a lil sloshed) I brought it along with me when I exited Yue via Lunar to go to Arena to find Mr. I.

I slipped on the spiral staircase in my boots, and my right hand, which was holding the phone, went instinctively to the railing for support, but it only bumped the phone out of my grasp, and either:

a) Clattered down the staircase to the crowded floor infront of me, or
b) went over the railing and my BLACK phone dropped into a pile of BLACK straws.

Anyway, got myself a scrapped knee and some bruises while searching on all fours but I still couldn't find it. Thus, the latest 200+ pictures from my Taipei trip and my birthday celebration were gone gone gone...

Life feels oddly helpless and empty when you are without your phone/digicam/mp3 player all in one.


I did get an one hour long Skype chat with D on Sat morning, but that's all I've really heard of him since then. Guess he's just crazy busy at work like he said. I suppose I can make do by YouTubing and Googling videos that he might be in...

Anyway, King I. was damn hot in his set last Sat night at Arena. *Fans herself* I even got pulled up the stage to dance with him for abit! It was so awkward because I couldn't bend my scrapped knee and I was SO embarrassed lol... But it was fun. He even rapped to me 2 versions of a song he wrote(Not on stage; afterwards lah), so it's all good :)

Am off for Dolly laoshi's bday celebration @ her place now. Will update this entry later regarding my Taipei trip. TTFN!


I miss him...

The aftermath.

Thank you guys, I've had a wonderful and successful goth punk birthday celebration, lost HP and tie notwithstanding.


Also not forgetting the celebration next night with my dearest bunch of friends
that I've made online. <3

What you guys got for me was seriously one of the most thoughtful gift I've ever received. Thank you guys so much! *HUGS*

Happy Birthday.

Goth punk theme birthday party at Arena tonight, see ya there!


The goth punk top that I'd left in Taiwan accidentally, is finally here! There is hope left for me yet, I'll just have to go collect it from Singpost Centre. Thank you Stella!

I've received numerous happy birthday wishes over sms, msn, and skype last night, and some calls today. Thank you, I'm really glad you guys care enough to send wishes :)


I'm actually getting used to receiving video calls from you at 10-11ish every night, and sometimes in the morning if I'm still around. Did you realise that? I also can't help blushing like a teenage girl everytime I see and talk to you in the chat.

I've finally borrowed a webcam from my colleague to chat with you last night. The smile you had on your face was so irresistable that I couldn't stop a responding grin forming on my lips.

The words "What? Look at you, you're gorgeous!" "*Chuckles* You're so cute." and the reciprocated finger wagging that we had fun about, have been resounding and replaying in my head all day. I get the best feeling in the world when you say "Hi, love." or even just smile, because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind for you to make that video call to me. I know you have a glib tongue that'd probably made alot of girls happy (Okay, that came out a lil wrong...) but God help me, I've sunken too deep by now.


I would not name this emotion, this feeling. I refuse to. Until the day you disappear from my life and break my heart... Until then...


“The mark of a true crush is that you fall in love first and grope for reasons afterward." - Shana Alexander

"It's funny how big of an impact you have on me. It's like when I see you, you don't even have to speak...all you can do is smile, and it can make my day, and then that's how I remember my reasons for loving you."


P.S: I've celebrated a few colleagues' birthdays in the office so far, therefore I was shocked and frankly, dismayed that they didn't think to celebrate my birthday and had only remembered to wish me happy birthday when I invited a few of the ladies to my party tonight. Guess I'm just a lowly staff not worth the time. At least I got hugs and wishes from some better friends in the office.

23.

Hey guys... Yup, I'm back from Taipei.


23... It's the number that tells me that I'm not longer a 'youngster'. 21 is a youngster, 22 was pushing it, but upon reaching 23...

Sigh.

So much has happened in this past year for me. Right now, I'm serenely camped out infront of the laptop, listening to some music, enjoying my bottle of ice cold Hoegaarden and simple dinner, while waiting for the hours to countdown till I hit 23 years old.

It's nothing to write home about, but it could have been worse.


Happy Birthday, to me.

There's only one reason why I upload this vid. :)

Anyway, I would be off for my trip to Taiwan on Friday morning, so I would need to be at the airport at an ungodly hour. Would be out to Arena for a F1 event thingy later tonight, plus after checking out the hotel facilities, it said nothing about internet connection *sigh*. No video calls for me then... Hopefully he'll call me on my cell.

Not sure when's the next time I'll be blogging, so you blogders take care.

xoxo

Jenx,

Your blog mistress.

Skype.

One day I will be looking back at these posts and grinning at myself for having been such a spaz. But I'm glad I'm having my happy moments, 'cos Lord knows if I'll be having that in the future.


Guess who has 14 mins and 07 secs of video call recorded on her handphone? And another short but really sweet video? :)


I LOVE SKYPE. THANK YOU GOD, FOR CREATING SKYPE! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!


Turns out neither of our texts have ever reached each other... I thought it was my 1 sms per day that kept us in contact till now, but hey, turns out we didn't even need that! He thinks about me just the same. *Delirious with happiness*


I love it when you call me 'love'. ☺

Taiwan trip in about 2 days' time.

... Will be back a couple of days before my birthday :)

Still wondering what my birthday theme should be. Punk rock/metal, or gothic?


I wonder if he'll call me?


I just had a MSN convo with Ying earlier on, and we were talking about how Dave made me sad, because I miss him and etc.

Actually, thinking about it, you don't make me sad. Setting myself up for the fall IS gonna leave me heartbroken, but YOU don't make me sad.


You're the oddity that brings me lil bits of happiness without a truckload of pain that usually comes with my share of happiness.

You are the guy who filled my jaded mind with sweet untainted memories. I know that one day, Time will enervate my feelings for you, but I will cling on to this sensation for as long as I can, as it warms my heart the way I warmed your hands for you. :)

I will fight for this sweet emotion and never let go, even though I know there is only a dead end at the end of the path. Just like a gladiator who stepped into the Colosseum knowing that his fate has been sealed.


We who are about to die, salute you.



Underneath the bridge

The tarp has sprung a leak

The animals I've trapped have all become my pets.

And I'm living off of grass and drippings from the ceiling.

It's OK to eat fish, 'cause they don't have any feelings.



Something in the way. Mmm-hmm...

三聚氰胺; Melamine.

Author's note: Before I go on the entry about melamine, let me talk about my encounter at MOS last Saturday. Basically, it was my friend's birthday celebration so we went to MOS for a girls' night out.

Dear Esther loves dancing on the Smoove platform, so what else can we do but to accommodate the birthday girl? In order to have the party strings spraycan on hand, I did not deposit my bag, and instead put it on the floor between my legs and kiap it like an auntie.

5 minutes into dancing, I felt my bag being jerked upwards and as I looked down, this fat, unexceptional guy in spectacles and a T-shirt looked back at me. Once he noticed that I was looking at him, he moved away from me and stole glances at me stealthily. I immediately jumped down from the platform and checked my bag. My head started spinning when I couldn't find my LV bag inside.

Thankfully, it was on the platform. That arsehole unzipped my exterior carrier bag and tried to take out my LV bag inside. Only thing that stopped him was that he underestimated the length of my LV bag, so it jerked on my carrier when he tried to take it out.

Chris on a crutch! I knew I should have pulled that guy out of MOS and handed him to my dear bouncer friends, but my legs turned into jelly when I first thought my LV bag was gone. All I could do was to stare at the guy incredulously while getting the hell out of dodge, patting my bag constantly to make sure it was still there. I've lost a digicam at the exact same spot before. I'm NEVER stepping foot into Smoove dancefloor ever again.

Right. Now onto the infamous topic, melamine.

大白兔奶糖 is like one of my favourite Chinese New Year snacks. How can!

Basically, this is melamine:
aka C3H6N6.

In chinese, you call it 三聚氰胺(sān jù qíng àn). It's actually some sort of chemical to falsely increase protein contents in food by actually increasing the nitrogen levels(common tests measures protein levels BY testing the levels of nitrogen in said product).

Nitrogen is the key component in building proteins, and nitrates, though not naturally produced by the human body, once introduced, can also be converted into amino acids, which are also used to build proteins. Therefore, melamine were popular with additives and pet/human food(so their products can be sold at a better price for higher Protein rating), though eventually they got banned under Pure Food and Drug Act, from being used in animal feed and in products for human consumption, and also vegetable proteins.

Ingestion of melamine may lead to reproductive damages, bladder/kidney stones, which can lead to bladder cancer. Long time absorption may also lead to kidney failure. In animals, when melamine combines with cyanuric acid(in which cyanuric acid itself is permitted in pet food in small amounts since its essentially nontoxic), might cause renal failure in your pets.

In some instances, it is still relatively safe to consume small amount of melamine-tainted food, but you must spare a thought for possible chronic intoxicity, even if you get lucky enough to avoid acute intoxicity.


I've had kidney infection/stones problems before, so I'm not about to risk my health again, even if it means more pricey food. So, darlings, with a) everything being 'Made in China' nowadays, b) having no official list of melamine-tainted food yet, c) if you have been unknowingly feeding your pets melamine-tainted products, and d) if you are a dairy lover like I am, there's only two words for the likes of us:


We're screwed.
(Thank Gawd for small favours like soya bean)


P.S: I did not simply copy the above information from a site; In order to provide my blogders with a 'summarised' explanation of melamine, I did my fair share of research, aite?! I WAS a pure chemistry student after all! (Even though I was crap at it.) For commercial uses for melamine, read here.

Exhilaration.

ex·hil·a·ra·tion
n. The state of being stimulated, refreshed, or elated:

noun
the feeling of lively and cheerful joy;

Ex*hil`a*ra"tion\, n. [L., exhilaratio.]
1. The act of enlivening the spirits; the act of making glad or cheerful; a gladdening.



Synonyms:
ecstasy, euphoria, gaiety, gladness, jollity, joyousness, liveliness, animation, elatedness, euphoria, exaltation, inspiration, uplift.


All it took was one call from him, even though it was just via his Skype. I jumped out of bed wide awake upon receiving his call at 1412hours... Which was 0112hrs St Louis time, where he is currently at now.

HE CALLED ME HE CALLED ME HE CALLED ME!!!

I got so ecstatic that I forgot the technique to chatting on Skype is to talk s.l.o.w.l.y and give the lag time of 3 secs. It didn't even last 2 mins, and half of the conversation was filled with "Huh? Hello? I can't hear you very well." and just mainly about what I'm doing and stuff and griping over the lousy connection. I eventually lost the reception and hung up the phone.

*Sigh* I thought I was dreaming when I heard his voice.


"Hey, it's D. You're sleeping huh? *Chuckles*"
"No I'm not! No, nah, nope! I'm up!"


I heard celestial trumpets playing triumphantly in the background, which surprisingly echoed in sync with the memories of the fireworks that have exploded when our lips first touched on the midnight of last Saturday, as if it was 4th of bloody July.

Hey, I'm not that gullible to assume that I mean anything to him at all, not like the way he means to me; I'm sure we'll gradually lose contact one day, and this sweet tenderness (on my end, that is) will only start to kill me slowly, but I can't bring myself to care.


I've lost part of my heart to him during that short period of time we've spent together. It's only right that I try to fight for it and HIM with everything I have.

Si vis Pacem, para Bellum - If you want peace, prepare for war.

Therefore, he who wishes peace, should prepare war; he who desires victory, should carefully train his soldiers; he who wants favorable results, should fight relying on skill, not on chance." - Publius Flavius Vegetius Renatus


I miss you so much, D.

HE REPLIED HE REPLIED HE REPLIED.

Holy Christ HE REPLIED ME ON MYSPACE!!! (And I now have him on Skype =])

It's like the dark clouds shrouding my entire being these last few days have been lifted of slight, and while I don't see any leprechaun with his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I'm contented with receiving a PM from him.

Contented and discontented at the same time. Does that sound logical to you?

Alcoholics Anonymous.

Bloody hangover is killing me. Ugh.

Somebody call the soddin' AA. Not the Singapore one though, bloody hell, everything's about turning to God.

If you want something done, if you want to change your life, you don't resort to dependency on God or whoever. You don't go believing God will guide and aid you.

You fuckin' believe in yourself. You can do this. Fix it.


Your Results
Yes No
8 4

Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol.


Shit.

I have 2 repeating songs on my songlist...

Lose Control by Missy Elliot

and Loving You by Minnie Riperton...

Big difference in genres, and I guess only Ying might make the connection. *Sigh*

Anyway, a brief review on the Singapore Drum Fest 2008.

I managed to meet Sy Smith, Teddy Campbell, Dave Wood, Eric Ingram, Cornell Thigpen, Rafael Moreira and Corey McCormick in person, and it's an understatement to say that it was a humbling experience to be in the presence of so many talented musicians. I took all those videos only to realise in dismay that LG Viewty phones are NOT meant to record sounds, because the quality SUCKS BIG TIME.

I also managed to catch Storm Large, Johnny Rabb, Chris Patterson and Nate Morton in action. I honestly thought night 2 of the Concert in the Park will dwindle down more than night 1, what with it being Sunday and all, but boy was I wrong.

Night 1 had an underground music feel to it and though I'm not a connoisseur, I definitely enjoyed the flow of music that night, as its not very well-appreciated in Singapore yet. Besides, I got to see Dave Wood, Teddy Campbell, Cornell, Eric and Sy Smith collaborating together, so it was an awesome night.

All I can say is, Teddy has mad skillz on the drums. You'll feel your hands twitching along while he gets in the zone during his drum solos. Also, he doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, eats heartily, shared with me his tips to keep in shape(Many meals, small quantities. EXERCISE. And the problem is that Singapore food has too much carbs). And he's really sweet. Kudos.

Cornell Thigpen was excellent on the keyboard, sometimes even elegant, which is something that you don't really expect from a big man like him. He was also galant enough to squash a baby cockroach for me with his shoe when we were in the van, and the man sure likes his chicken wings and french fries. Lmao!

Dave Wood was... Dave might be someone you'll skip over when you first scan the band, but there's something about captivating about him and his music that makes your eyes jump back onto him for a second glance. And a third. And so on. A guy who was in the popular crowd in high school but liked to hang out with the geeks, and a really talented guitarist who's entire life is about his music. He's touring with Jesse McCartney, so there's no doubt about his capabilities.

Eric adds on a youthful touch to the performance with his hiphop clothes and cute face(I was shocked when he said he's 25 because he neither behaved or looked like one, lol). Always zestful and constantly spoke like a boy from the hood, yet surprisingly accommodating and dare I say, professional, when fans talk to him. He plays some mean bass too.

Sy Smith was also amazing. I understand how sometimes, African Americans can all appear alike to us Asians, especially when there are so many great black female singers out there. Yet, Sy was top-notch with her Minnie Riperton-like high pitches and sultry powerhouse voice and so wonderously nice that you can't help but like her.

Night 2's highlight had to be Magnetico feat. Storm Large. My impression of Rafa while we all hung out at Arena, was that he was your typical rockstar(He gives off the air of "Nah~ I don't want it, but actually I DO WANT IT"), but once he got on stage with his guitar and entrancing voice, you don't tend to give a shit anymore. He's not nearly as good as my god, Chester Bennington, but he definitely had his vibe.

Rafa was a great combination with Corey McCormick (bassist), whom at first glance, might not trigger your interest, until you realise that he's actually pretty hot :P Very personable and can be totally sweet, and he had the whole bald head with goatie rockstar look that he wore very well. I don't know that intensely about bass but he's one of the best I've met. He's touring with Chris Cornell, man! (Corey, we're waiting for you to come back to Singapore to find your destined wifey! :P)

I wish I'd bought their CDs at the booth upfront =( I also wish I took more pictures with Dave, but if wishes were pennies, I would have been a millionaire.

I know I've been delineating an almost seraphic portrayal of them, as if the guys were all as pure as the driven snow, but let me just say, boys will be boys. And I'm leaving it at that. Heh *shrugs*. Anyways, Some of us also went to a very... educating place on Sunday night after the whole Drum Fest was over. It was certainly an eye-opener, to say the least.


As of yet, I'm not capable to do a full review that would dignify the event, which was not as successful as it deserved to be with its cast of accomplished musicians. I'm still 'hung over' from the whirlwind of events since last Tuesday lah. Yeah, the one where I met Mr. I at the Top Dawg pre-launch party... Heh.

I would be uploading some choice pictures in time. Hopefully. Well Bernard is asking for his laptop back soon, so I will really be incommunicado then.


Hey you. Will you still call me crazy if I tell you that you're sooo cute and gorgeous? *Grins* I'm still missing you, ya know... But no worries, I'm trying my best to get over you. I just need my dose of late nights where I cry myself to sleep after OD-ing on ice cream and movies.

I'll be okay. Soon.

Missing you.

Author's note: I looked at the contrast of emotions between my latest 2 posts and all I could do was laugh bitterly while tears flooded my vision. I have a more detailed version of this post saved up for my eyes only, but this is what I am going to publish for public eyes...


A message I would never send to him:


Hey D.,

Never thought it'll hurt so bad to think about the fact that I'll prolly never get to meet you again, or even if/when one day I do get to go to LA, you probably would have forgotten about me.

I never got to tell you that I have a great interest in guitars too, because I was worried you'll tease me about it, or think that's the only reason why...

I saw you talking to Ying at the Drum Fest on Saturday and I waited impatiently for the introduction that never came.
I was esctatic when you finally introduced yourself to me at the Arena.
I looked at your guitar and secretly smiled.
I looked at your videos and I ask myself why I did not insist on seeing you for the one last night.
I would never forget your patented killer grin, especially the one you flashed for me the moment I put your french beret on your head.
I miss warming up your cold hands for you.
I miss your hazel green eyes that would turn grey and blue.
I miss the way you smell.
I love your look of concentration, no matter if it's when you're playing your guitar or otherwise.
I love how good it felt when you hugged me. You might be tall and lanky, but somehow... We fit.
I looked at your number in my handphone and I struggled not to text you. You're still on your flight back, after all.


Yeah, it's been fun for the 17 hours we've spent together cutie, and the few phone calls here and there, but damn if it isn't killing me now. I honestly didnt think it'll hurt so bad.



Your music unbelievable.
Your words unforgettable.

Your smile imprinted on my mind,
I'll gladly give up all that's mine.
Your touch engraved upon my skin,
Pricking at me like a pin.

Paths crossed, time lapsed -
Heart lost, gut wrenched.
Your presence had stained my soul...

I only wish you were here to fill this hole.

Ab imo pectore,
Jennifer

Can I squeal?

Hey sexy lady, I like your flow
Your body's bangin, out of controoooooool!!!

Ok, I know, 3 posts in a day but DAMN! Mr I. just called me to check if I'll be around at Clarke Quay tonight, I knew he was going to perform but I was asking about his breaktime while stuttering, so he probably thinks I'm braindead. Bleah.

He sang that two lines after greeting me over the phone (Him: Hey sexy what's up? Me: *giggles*) and I just about melted into a puddle of goo. I'm gonna have to restrain myself and string him along for a lil bit longer before he can pull the 'whambam thank you ma'am' on me. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

So can I squeal now?

SQUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Update on 15/09/08: Nothing beats him singing that song on stage and just pointing at me for like 5 seconds while doing so. Nothing xD. Ok, well, there's D.W. from Drum Fest but... That's for another entry.

It's all good. :)

Fina-fuckin'-lly

"Dear Jennifer,

We are pleased to inform you that you will complete your probation period and become a permanent employee of State Street Bank and Trust Company, Singapore Branch effective..."


About damn time!

Howl at the moon.

*Recalls scenario from last night...*

*Appears behind me when I was leaving*

"I don't care what the shit they say, but I think you are the most beautiful woman in the room tonight."

- Cue my look of disbelief -

"I'm serious! I've been looking at different women tonight, right, 'cos I'm a guy, but I must tell you, you are the most beautiful woman here tonight."

- Cue 'aww' expression and bashful grin -


Why thank you, Jonathan Atherton! And to which I guess I'll have to thank Nicholas, Razz, Ivory and some other guy for the lovely, lovely compliments you've paid me. You guys made Jen Jen a happy woman last night...


I basked in the delight for a solid 2 hours. I had my ear-to-ear grin on and my irritating smug look that was pasted on just to irk Ying *LMAO*, but she was such a sweetie pie, she just rolled her eyes and grinned along.


*Sigh* Oh yeah. Jen's still got it.

Glenn Glenn Glenn~~

I had a grand time last weekend, being at Ballymoon, Muddy Murphy's, Arena, Funktion - The Ultimate Retro Dance Party @ Fort Canning Park last Saturday, Gotham Penthouse (MAMA LIKES!), all courtesy of Nigel Mosbergen, fondly dubbed as Mr Mosburger.

*Speaks in Charlie Angels' tone*Hello Nigel~ Lol.

I don't usually do this listing of places I've been to in the weekends, because, boy, would I have been busy blogging, but I needed to give a special shoutout to Nigel because I got to meet GLENN ONG!!!


I wish I had the time to set the configurations of my phone. *Sigh*

I've been listening to The Ego Trip since I was, what, 13, 14 years old? The ending music at 2am every weeknight was practically my lullaby to sleep! *Swoons*

I acted like a 16 year old pimple-faced teenager with a crush when he came over to say hi, and Nigel went like, "This is Glenn Ong."

Sheesh! Who needs introductions! Lol.


After the picture:

Glenn: "Do I look ok? Because I don't know why but my glasses have been fogging up all night!"

Me: *While squealing over the picture* No! You always look good! -Cue silly grin-*


If Glenn ever remembers me, he'll prolly remember me as the UBER CHEESY chubby girl. *GROANS AND SMACKS FOREHEAD*


P.S: I realised that I've been sounding like an airhead with nothing but cute boys on her mind, but most of the time I'm trying not to think about the official 1 year anniversary of my singlehood that's coming up in 9 days...

- Cues Backstreet Boy's Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely song running in the background -
*Croons*

So many words for the broken heart
Its hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me...


Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart


Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze
Guilty roads to an endless love
There's no control
Are you with me now
Your every wish will be done
They tell me


Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I cant be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart


Theres nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never show


You are missing in my heart
Tell me why I can't be there where you are


Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart...



Heh. Okay alright, ignore my attempt at shoddy humour, though the song IS stuck in my head right now. *Hums the tune and walks off jauntily*