Clearing out the virtual spiderwebs.

Author's note: I have noticed that I have a bad habit of late. I would mention about stuff like this and that, but sometimes the matter will slip my mind and I will fail to update about them in the blog.
So anyway, H is a certified asswipe just like the French Canadian guy Glenn, who volunteerily promised to contact/talk soon, but still disappears on you. *Shrugs* I was pissed off, but not hurt.
As for A, we have mutually decided it was best that we put an end to whatever it was, before things got out of hand. I truly understood that it was for the best... But I still couldn't help the niggling "What if..."


Hello my dear blogders,

Yes, your blog mistress is back after a 2 weeks' hiatus. I suppose the mundane life of an administrator would drain any creative writing juices that one might possess lol.

Anyway, I came back with an update of my life - I have decided to go back to school next year. :)

Yes, you've heard me, Jen wants to study. Amazing, innit? But I do, I really do want to. I want to be able to do something with my life besides PA/administration, and I won't be able to without a cert.

And if I need a certificate, I'll be damned if I take a course I have no interest in.


Right now, I've trimmed down the list to 5 options:


1) Diploma in Media & Design (majoring in Advertising)

2) Diploma in Theatre,

3) Diploma in Journalism,

4) Diploma in Mass Communications,

5) Specialist Diploma in Applied Psychology.


Options 1 and 2 would be a throw-up between Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts or LaSalle; Any suggestions? Diploma in Journalism will be from Beacon University which, although my greatest interest IS journalism, the 'school' in Bugis doesn't look promising, much less the cert. that I will get from it. Diploma in Mass comm. or Psychology would be from MDIS, and the Dip. in Psychology will be from Raffles College. (I was advised against REC because the certificate would be useless as it's apparently not recognised by Singapore Psychological Society!)

Recently, I have been trudging through my life with balls and chains on my feet. More often than not, I wake up every morning asking myself, "What the fuck am I doing with my life? What the fuck am I doing at State Street?" Working as an office girl is not what I want or NEED.

It is not without trepidation for me to make this decision of going back to school. I would have to forsake a steady income for full-time studies, which will be a burden on my mum for the next 3 years. What if I fucking fail, again? I will be disappointing my mum and my friends who were always there for me despite my fuckups. AGAIN.

But I'm done with fucking up my life.

Psychology, and Criminal Justice & Legal were the first things I'd wanted so much to go into when I was growing up. Of course, that dream was shattered when I became a rebel during my teenage years and stopped caring about school, thus resulting in bad academic choices, and subsequently dropping out of NP. Afterwards, my dream evolved to studying in an US community college(I had my sight on Pasadena), and then stream into university after the first year, and major in English. There's so many subjects I am fascinated with... English, English Lit., Art History, Psychology, etc. Hell, I'll even take up Calculus if I am able to realise the dream. In brief, I'd much prefer the freedom to pick and choose whatever classes I want, just as long as I can manage the time, and have enough relative modules to credit for my major.

Alas, there was -is- this important factor that I cannot afford to overlook - Financing. My mother simply do not have the means to fund any overseas studies. I doubt my father will be willing to step up to plate.

Writing is my passion but acting and oral competence is what I feel I have a flair for. Combining these two would be a plus point for Advertising, and it will be a better choice for my career path. But like I said, taking up any of the courses would not be without trepidation, because:

i) I am quite worried about my proficiency in drawing. I'm okay with amateur sketching, but that's about it.

ii) I would be among 17 years old kids if I choose NAFA or LaSalle. *Shudders*

iii) Statistical analysis is heavy in Psychology. Business Statistics killed me in NP.

iv) Not to forget, there's also the fierce competition I will face by the time I finish my BA (hons) degree in my early 30s.
.
.
.

Christ. 30s.


I need a cigarette.

Should I, would I?

I've gotten a list of affordable hotels to choose from, and the airlines I would want to take, all down pat. Barring all else, the round trip tickets + hotels + basic expenses/light shopping will costs me about $3500-$4000.

If my financing permits, then I would be getting a open return ticket instead :). I've always wanted to visit the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave, after all.

All I need is to know if I would need to stay at a hotel, and also to conceive a concrete plan to save up that few thousand dollars for the trip(What with paying a few hundred dollars worth of installments every month, coupled with the new laptop that I would have to pay for next month. Oh, and I signed up for broadband, like FINALLY). The pesky subject of his availability to be in town should be confirmed by December.


Now, the problem is... Should I?

Extension of probation till September 14, 2008

"Dear Jennifer,

This is to inform you that your probation period is extended to September 14, 2008.

We trust you will put in your utmost efforts to improve and develop the areas of converns as highlighted by your immediate supervisor and further strengthen the team in your best capacity during this extended period.


Yours sincerely,
For and on behalf of
xxx "


Sigh. For the first time ever in my life, my capability has been casted in doubt. I almost felt insulted if not for the fact that I saw it coming.

My manager informed me that they do want me on the team and to stay in the company, but they are extending my probation by a month as a formality and they believe that I'll be able to work on and improve the issues that were highlighted to me.

I've met some really good colleagues here; our lunchs and dinners filled with practically inexhaustible gossip on our you-know-who, and I'm not directly in the crossfire shall any office politics arise('cos hey, just a lil office girl here), but it sucks that you get shit for your executive's incompetence.

Passing on information to me that is practically impossible for me to verify its accuracy, yet blaming me for the aftermath. Chuckling away her obvious overlooks and whining out loud infront of our manager at my mistakes.

I have one seriously emo executive that I have no idea how to handle. Just when I thought I've seen it all...

Should I go back into my old line; Customer service? I'm being paid really well despite my qualifications and little-to-none experience in this field, but being in the operations side, I can't foresee my next course of 'elevation' unless its a few years down the road and my exec so happens to resign. Being back in my old line would it would at least give me a sense of satisfaction that my current job will never endow, and a chance to move up the corporate ladder.

Decisions, decisions...

Update on 08/09/08: Huh. So my exec DID resign. They're even freezing the headcount at the moment, so I do have every chance to be promoted given time, but its too soon... I'm not even sure of my confirmation, or even if I'm staying. Argh.

Ink.

I've made an appointment for a tattoo this coming weekend.

@_@...

It's one of the typical moments where I'll doubt my decision until the very last minute, even after the deed is done, only that this is permanent.

I'm thinking a woodland nymph or one with a fallen angel vibe, with some background. Not gonna go into details until I have pictures to show ;)

I've shared my concept with the cute tattooist and my friend will probably design something for me too, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed >_>.

What do you think? I'm not even sure if anyone still reads this, but I desperately need comments from anyone to decide if I SHOULD get inked.

Though I already do have a vague picture of how my full back tattoo will be in the future. ROFL.


Oh the way, I'm getting it done on my right lower back, and nope, I'm not telling my mother about it. =)