*Rubs her puffed eyes*

Haiz~ My mood had gotten better after watching Sylvester on Singapore Idol (hehehe) but when I got down to the com I thought about my mum again and it saddens me.

I went to East Shore Hospital this afternoon to visit my mum. When I'd just reached, my bro, sis-in-law, Uncle maid and my mum's long-time friend, 'ah girl' auntie was there. My ma had looked rather peaceful lying on the bed resting. I noticed that she had both knees operated on and I breathed a sigh of relief b/c there had been problems raising the sum for the operation for both knees.

I went over to her bedside and I saw ah girl auntie with red nose and eyes and my sis-in-law was massaging my mum's legs for her... When my mum saw me, she looked so weak my eyes immediately started to water... She was in so much pain.. Man if this was my personal journal, I would be writing, "She was in so much pain Tommy," b/c thats what I named my diary... I wish for someone to understand what I've felt upon seeing my mum b/c it hurts so bad. I never thought it would be this terrible but looking at all the tubes in her and the way she cried in pain when she tried to move her legs, it was damn horrible... I wish I could have done more for her but all I did was cry and cry and hold her hands.

I was at a total loss.. It's like hell for me to see my mum going thru so much pain. If nothing goes wrong I'll be going over to visit her tml @ night when Mel gets his car.. I wish I stayed longer today but Mel has an exam tomorrow so we left early. But then.. when he got back, he played DE and watched TV until he finally got to his books 15mins ago. It sucks u know? He doesn't like spending time with my family, when I have to face his, everyday. He blames my mum for not trusting him enough, but who's to blame? He doesn't communicate with my mum enough to let her trust him.

I would have to practically beg Mel to go out to my family outings sometimes, or to come up to my house and sit for a bit when he drives me home, but he always gimme the excuse that he don't want to waste money on the coupons and such. Com'on, the coupons aren't even bought by him. We have other problems in our lives too... But they are too personal to bring it up on my blog =p anyway it's starting to affect our relationship... It's not really affecting him tho. To him, its that, as long as I tolerate it, he thinks everything will be fine... But I can't tolerate forever can I? Seriously, even with him sitting on the bed beside me now, I have to say that Idk if we could last till the end this way... I want someone to care about my family, willing to spend more time communicating with my other loved ones... Not this... Sigh. I just hope everything will turn out smooth in the end.

Haiz... Now that I'm troubled with all these frustrations, I don't have the mood to play games atm... Guess Ima go to read my book until I sleep ba... G'night.