I think the soundcard's spoilt because I haven't let the PC rest for weeks...
Just when I felt like watching some of my favourite clips downloaded on the com...
WHY? WHY NOW?
No...
NOOO..................
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, June 20, 2005
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Anybody kind enough to buy me a present?
Click here if you're kind enough to buy me a present, an advanced birthday present even.
I'd been going to CD shops everywhere in search of his CDs(even Cash Converter! Lol), but in vain. I don't think any company imported it over. Sigh.
I just paid about 8pounds for a calender that'll be coming from Newcastle, so I promised myself I'll take a "shopping break".
The CD costs about $50($34 + $15 shipping) after converting into SGD, but I don't mind paying for the shipping if you want :D
I know I'm dreaming to think someone will ever bid that for me, but a girl's gotta dream xD
-Goes drooling at more James Marsters merchandise-
I'd been going to CD shops everywhere in search of his CDs(even Cash Converter! Lol), but in vain. I don't think any company imported it over. Sigh.
I just paid about 8pounds for a calender that'll be coming from Newcastle, so I promised myself I'll take a "shopping break".
The CD costs about $50($34 + $15 shipping) after converting into SGD, but I don't mind paying for the shipping if you want :D
I know I'm dreaming to think someone will ever bid that for me, but a girl's gotta dream xD
-Goes drooling at more James Marsters merchandise-
Friday, June 17, 2005
OMFG haha online shopping rocks!
Ahh... Nothing, and I mean nothing, beats the satisfaction of a good shopping.
Even if it's only online shopping.
aB, yes, it's ALL YOUR FAULT! =X But I'm still thankful to you, my online shopping guru! I'd the urls from her days ago, and Mel had been buying NUFC stuff off ebay too, and temptation finally caught me afoot.
Got these from www.dressense.com :
And the bracelet was the last piece. You can't imagine the satisfaction of seeing the word *sold out* xD~~~
These, from www.e-shop.com.sg :
And I got a black 2way off shoulder top from http://www.estrellashopping.com/. Apparently that was the only piece left, and the picture was removed from the site after I purchased it XD
Here's what Mel bought from Ebay:
Yea, that's Mel's hairy legs posing with the scarf, and me wearing the jersey.
The jersey came today. It wasn't after I tried it in excitement that Mel reminded me that it might not have been washed... However,
SHOPPING P\/\/nS J00!!!!111!!!ONEONE11!!!
Mel is gonna have a fit when he wakes up tomorrow :D
Ok, I'm gonna go to bed a happy girl now. I'll get my packages within the next 3 days, hopefully =) My mum's gonna think I'm mad!
Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
- Frank Zappa
Even if it's only online shopping.
aB, yes, it's ALL YOUR FAULT! =X But I'm still thankful to you, my online shopping guru! I'd the urls from her days ago, and Mel had been buying NUFC stuff off ebay too, and temptation finally caught me afoot.
Got these from www.dressense.com :
And the bracelet was the last piece. You can't imagine the satisfaction of seeing the word *sold out* xD~~~
These, from www.e-shop.com.sg :
And I got a black 2way off shoulder top from http://www.estrellashopping.com/. Apparently that was the only piece left, and the picture was removed from the site after I purchased it XD
Here's what Mel bought from Ebay:
Yea, that's Mel's hairy legs posing with the scarf, and me wearing the jersey.
The jersey came today. It wasn't after I tried it in excitement that Mel reminded me that it might not have been washed... However,
SHOPPING P\/\/nS J00!!!!111!!!ONEONE11!!!
Mel is gonna have a fit when he wakes up tomorrow :D
Ok, I'm gonna go to bed a happy girl now. I'll get my packages within the next 3 days, hopefully =) My mum's gonna think I'm mad!
Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
- Frank Zappa
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Batman Begins.
Detroit's Antonio Mcdyess look alot like Patrick Viera. He should be a football player rather than a bball player lol.
Anyway, I caught Batman Begins earlier on! Wee!
It got me in unadulterated awe, I'm telling you! Kind of like StarWars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith if you ask me, because in Episode 3, they showed us how Anakin became Darth Vader, and in Batman Begins, they showed us how Bruce Wayne became Batman, and the whole theatrics.
I'll have you know, I'm quite a Batman fan myself; when I was reading Batman books instead of just watching the cartoons, Mel was still playing Batman masak. Lol.
I still prefer the old Batman, as in the guy who played Batman(1989) and Batman Returns(1992), even tho Christian Bale did a splendid job too :D
Ta-da! Michael Keaton! People borned in the 1980s should be more accustomed to him =)
In my percipience, I think he's unparalleled by George Clooney or the current Christian Bale. He manages the intimidating look well, with and without the mask. Dontcha think?
And I like the guy who's playing Alfred - Michael Caine. He's cute xD, makes one wanna snatch him up as a Grandpa. "Nevah!"
Thing about the movie was, Alfred never seemed to age, or had begun with a younger looking face, because he looked the same thru-out the 20 odd years that Bruce Wayne grew up.
Anyway, I caught Batman Begins earlier on! Wee!
It got me in unadulterated awe, I'm telling you! Kind of like StarWars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith if you ask me, because in Episode 3, they showed us how Anakin became Darth Vader, and in Batman Begins, they showed us how Bruce Wayne became Batman, and the whole theatrics.
I'll have you know, I'm quite a Batman fan myself; when I was reading Batman books instead of just watching the cartoons, Mel was still playing Batman masak. Lol.
I still prefer the old Batman, as in the guy who played Batman(1989) and Batman Returns(1992), even tho Christian Bale did a splendid job too :D
Ta-da! Michael Keaton! People borned in the 1980s should be more accustomed to him =)
In my percipience, I think he's unparalleled by George Clooney or the current Christian Bale. He manages the intimidating look well, with and without the mask. Dontcha think?
And I like the guy who's playing Alfred - Michael Caine. He's cute xD, makes one wanna snatch him up as a Grandpa. "Nevah!"
Thing about the movie was, Alfred never seemed to age, or had begun with a younger looking face, because he looked the same thru-out the 20 odd years that Bruce Wayne grew up.
The "Stealth mode" during the highspeed chase was doubtable too. I mean, it's just "click off the lights" and - Stealth mode. And Batman paints his own Batsuit.
Okay okay, maybe there's something with the paints(car and suit), like super paint, hor? =P
Still, if you're a superhero fan yourself, miss this at your own peril. 5/5 stars!
------------------------------------------------------------------
Duncard: If you make yourself more than just a man.... If you devote yourself to an ideal...... You become something else entirely.
Bruce: And that is?
Duncard: A legend, mister Wayne.
------------------------------------------------
Alfred Pennyworth: Why do we fall, sir? So that we might better learn to pick ourselves up.
- Batman
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Life.
[17:07] JenxGeR> hai
[17:08] JenxGeR> sometimes
[17:08] JenxGeR> life is so boring
[17:08] JenxGeR> and fucked up
[17:08] JenxGeR> u want to fuck care everythin and let go
[17:08] JenxGeR> like strip naked in orchard and run around
[17:08] JenxGeR> den do all those stupid stuff
[17:08] JenxGeR> before endin my life tt nite
[17:08] JenxGeR> tt sorta thing
I really do feel this way. I also feel like going to watch a ghost show which I hadn't watch in years, and scream my lungs out at all the scary parts and throw my popcorn around, until the whole cinema shhh me.I want to let go of every constrictions, and live free.
My wrists are numb.
Both my wrists are officially numb due to constant playing on Gunzonline. They hurt soooo much even when I'm just typing or holding my drinks.
I couldn't help playing because I totally kickass in Gladiator matches... I'm always top frag! Lol.
Gonna go rest on the bed and not be tempted somemore. Goodnight peeps.
To sleep, perchance to dream- ay, there's the rub.
- Hamlet (III, i, 65-68), William Shakespeare
I couldn't help playing because I totally kickass in Gladiator matches... I'm always top frag! Lol.
Gonna go rest on the bed and not be tempted somemore. Goodnight peeps.
To sleep, perchance to dream- ay, there's the rub.
- Hamlet (III, i, 65-68), William Shakespeare
Monday, June 13, 2005
My apology for the disturbance you might have felt, reading my previous entry, which was full of rantings and complaints. I know it's not me to be so disrespectful towards elders, because of my strict bringup, but sometimes its hard yea? You would wish to let go and be a right bitch.
Anyway, just now Mel's mum had our first conversation of the day, in Chinese.
Auntie: "Eh Jennifer, Ah Mel go out liao ah?"
Me: "Yes Auntie."
Auntie: "Oh ok. Anyway ar, later my friends coming over at 11+, make sure you stay inside Ah Mel's room and close the door okay? I don't want them to see. Hen bu hao yi si de(very embarrassing 1)."
Yes Auntie. Being seen staying in your house is very embarrassing 1. I'm not worthy to be your son's girlfriend for 3 years.
Please forgive me. I will keep my ugly and unworthy butt inside Mel's room.
Do you want me to lock myself in the bathroom while I'm at it? I'm capable enough to do that, you know. Don't worry, if you want me to end my miserable existance, I can do that too!
Just tell it in my face!
Anyway, just now Mel's mum had our first conversation of the day, in Chinese.
Auntie: "Eh Jennifer, Ah Mel go out liao ah?"
Me: "Yes Auntie."
Auntie: "Oh ok. Anyway ar, later my friends coming over at 11+, make sure you stay inside Ah Mel's room and close the door okay? I don't want them to see. Hen bu hao yi si de(very embarrassing 1)."
Yes Auntie. Being seen staying in your house is very embarrassing 1. I'm not worthy to be your son's girlfriend for 3 years.
Please forgive me. I will keep my ugly and unworthy butt inside Mel's room.
Do you want me to lock myself in the bathroom while I'm at it? I'm capable enough to do that, you know. Don't worry, if you want me to end my miserable existance, I can do that too!
Just tell it in my face!
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Argh argh argh argh argh.
This is totally f*cked up... I HATE staying over at Mel's... I HATE I HATE I HATE!!!
His father and Grandpa have been making a din, shouting when they're just next to each other(IN OUR BEDROOM WHILE WE WERE SLEEPING!) about the spoilt toilet flush that none of them were free to be present for the plumbing yesterday. His parents went out for golf and his Grandpa went for some, something/one I'm not supposed to talk about. But anyway!
Our fault his dad paid $100 for a worst-than-before toilet flush with the inner components taken out and cast aside? I mean, wtf man! It's 7.30am! In the morning, hello!
One's going senile and one's a not very civilised man. "Chu ren", as Mel said. And the food the maid cooks! Argh! She sometimes cook only 1 tasteless soup + 1 vege for meals.
They freakin' live in a condo and are shifting into a terrance at the end of the year, yet they talk like hawker mongers and buy almost the same food for breakfast everyday. I seriously wonder how they manage to find the stalls selling the worst tasting food ever.
My momma over at our comfortable 5room flat gives me a better life! Argh! I should really just shift home. The only benefits here that I don't have at home is the PC, and that they don't have a mad bitch over at their house like I do.
*Takes in a deep breath* I'm sorry to rant like a mad bitch myself, but this is me, with pent-up frustrations after so long. My apologies to his family and Mel (tho dear, you know I mean every word) and I know it's simply R.U.D.E.
Fuck this all. I can't even publish this even tho it's MY blog. Every single entry in my blog seems to have to undergo scrutiny by HIS HIGHNESS.
But sorry hor Mel, this IS my blog after all. I think I deserve a right to rant whatever I want.
If you guys don't like what I typed, being not respectful to my elders? Don't read and scram!
His father and Grandpa have been making a din, shouting when they're just next to each other(IN OUR BEDROOM WHILE WE WERE SLEEPING!) about the spoilt toilet flush that none of them were free to be present for the plumbing yesterday. His parents went out for golf and his Grandpa went for some, something/one I'm not supposed to talk about. But anyway!
Our fault his dad paid $100 for a worst-than-before toilet flush with the inner components taken out and cast aside? I mean, wtf man! It's 7.30am! In the morning, hello!
One's going senile and one's a not very civilised man. "Chu ren", as Mel said. And the food the maid cooks! Argh! She sometimes cook only 1 tasteless soup + 1 vege for meals.
They freakin' live in a condo and are shifting into a terrance at the end of the year, yet they talk like hawker mongers and buy almost the same food for breakfast everyday. I seriously wonder how they manage to find the stalls selling the worst tasting food ever.
My momma over at our comfortable 5room flat gives me a better life! Argh! I should really just shift home. The only benefits here that I don't have at home is the PC, and that they don't have a mad bitch over at their house like I do.
*Takes in a deep breath* I'm sorry to rant like a mad bitch myself, but this is me, with pent-up frustrations after so long. My apologies to his family and Mel (tho dear, you know I mean every word) and I know it's simply R.U.D.E.
Fuck this all. I can't even publish this even tho it's MY blog. Every single entry in my blog seems to have to undergo scrutiny by HIS HIGHNESS.
But sorry hor Mel, this IS my blog after all. I think I deserve a right to rant whatever I want.
If you guys don't like what I typed, being not respectful to my elders? Don't read and scram!
Saturday, June 11, 2005
One word - Shagged out.
*Throws confetti for her 1000th visitor.*
Just reached home not long ago. Thank goodness I don't feel so overtaxed after a wash-up.
Watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith with Mel at Bugis today. It was entertaining; Brad Pitt was hilarious and intoxicating cute. His role is JUST the type of guy I like. Humorous, cute, a lil whipped, but strong enough to overpower the female when neccessary. *Giggles*
I can see why he went single - Angelina Jolie was hot, tho I don't like her at all since I love Jennifer Aniston(brr).
Got myself a little sweetie at Bugis Village after that.
Even tho what I really wanted was a simple, normal-sized, chrome Zippo:
The latter one already has carvings on it and it was a gift from me to Mel, so I wanted to get 1 for myself. I simply LOVE the feel and size of it in my hand while I flick it to life... *Snick* *Ignites*
Anybody wanna give 1 to me? xD
Oh, did I mention I love the Great Singapore Sale? I FREAKING DO! Lol~ Didn't manage to shop much because Mel had to go for his 6pm CRC training, but I did buy alot of food for dinner =d
The Royals oh, The Royals, I'm so coming for your rosti again.
I can only show the cover because I'd finished it before I thought of taking a pic. HAHA!
Ah well, time to rest now. I'll end my entry with a pic of CS-crazed people. I used to be one of them.
Good night.
Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow.
- From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 185), William Shakespeare
Just reached home not long ago. Thank goodness I don't feel so overtaxed after a wash-up.
Watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith with Mel at Bugis today. It was entertaining; Brad Pitt was hilarious and intoxicating cute. His role is JUST the type of guy I like. Humorous, cute, a lil whipped, but strong enough to overpower the female when neccessary. *Giggles*
I can see why he went single - Angelina Jolie was hot, tho I don't like her at all since I love Jennifer Aniston(brr).
Got myself a little sweetie at Bugis Village after that.
Even tho what I really wanted was a simple, normal-sized, chrome Zippo:
The latter one already has carvings on it and it was a gift from me to Mel, so I wanted to get 1 for myself. I simply LOVE the feel and size of it in my hand while I flick it to life... *Snick* *Ignites*
Anybody wanna give 1 to me? xD
Oh, did I mention I love the Great Singapore Sale? I FREAKING DO! Lol~ Didn't manage to shop much because Mel had to go for his 6pm CRC training, but I did buy alot of food for dinner =d
The Royals oh, The Royals, I'm so coming for your rosti again.
I can only show the cover because I'd finished it before I thought of taking a pic. HAHA!
Ah well, time to rest now. I'll end my entry with a pic of CS-crazed people. I used to be one of them.
Good night.
Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow.
- From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 185), William Shakespeare
Friday, June 10, 2005
Sigh.
My friend had updated some info for me again, but it's not all the answers I need, so I won't talk about it yet.
I had a quarrel with Mel today because he lashed out at me (verbally, that is) and all the frustrations that bottled up in me for the past few days burst out.
I told him about my plans to study in America, that I've got my eyes set on a community college in Cali, aka the one my friend's studying in, and that I might be staying there for good if the environment suits me.
I told him that the distance will put a strain to our relationship because we're too used to seeing each other etc etc. That we might have to break up when I'm prepared to go overseas.
He gave me a HUGE reaction, and I thought he wasn't supportive of my dream. Turned out that he still wants to be together even if I went overseas, and I felt ashamed to doubt our relationship like that, even tho I'm troubled by it, to be frank. I won't linger on this particular topic, but I guess you know what I mean.
Still, his tenderness and raw emotions made me feel compunctious; like I was doing something wrong, you know? Doing things wrong by leaving my mum alone to face the wrath of the bitch I have to call sis-in-law, and leaving him.
I'm ready to face the harsh world for the sake my dreams, but I'm not readying to face the pain I will cause my loved ones.
Bah. I should really stop talking about this. Right now I would just concentrate on making M O N E Y. Anybody got a relatively high-paying job near AMK to intro? =]
Anyway, on a lighter note, I'll like to ask you guys who read my blog, a question that has been bugging me.
I'm really perplexed by this, so bear with me....
.
.
.
.
.
.
How many of you guys, um... Clean your er, bum, with er.... your fingers + water after using the washroom?
I seriously don't understand how people can stand to do it... I mean, most people use toilet paper, right? Or toilet paper + water, w/e. But water and fingers? That's like... *shivers* wellll, I just wish to know, heh.
Show of hands, perhaps? Lol~
Okay okay, I've got deadly dagger-like glares thrown my way, so I guess I'll just go play more Gunz and read. Cya =]
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
- Edgar Allan Poe
I had a quarrel with Mel today because he lashed out at me (verbally, that is) and all the frustrations that bottled up in me for the past few days burst out.
I told him about my plans to study in America, that I've got my eyes set on a community college in Cali, aka the one my friend's studying in, and that I might be staying there for good if the environment suits me.
I told him that the distance will put a strain to our relationship because we're too used to seeing each other etc etc. That we might have to break up when I'm prepared to go overseas.
He gave me a HUGE reaction, and I thought he wasn't supportive of my dream. Turned out that he still wants to be together even if I went overseas, and I felt ashamed to doubt our relationship like that, even tho I'm troubled by it, to be frank. I won't linger on this particular topic, but I guess you know what I mean.
Still, his tenderness and raw emotions made me feel compunctious; like I was doing something wrong, you know? Doing things wrong by leaving my mum alone to face the wrath of the bitch I have to call sis-in-law, and leaving him.
I'm ready to face the harsh world for the sake my dreams, but I'm not readying to face the pain I will cause my loved ones.
Bah. I should really stop talking about this. Right now I would just concentrate on making M O N E Y. Anybody got a relatively high-paying job near AMK to intro? =]
Anyway, on a lighter note, I'll like to ask you guys who read my blog, a question that has been bugging me.
I'm really perplexed by this, so bear with me....
.
.
.
.
.
.
How many of you guys, um... Clean your er, bum, with er.... your fingers + water after using the washroom?
I seriously don't understand how people can stand to do it... I mean, most people use toilet paper, right? Or toilet paper + water, w/e. But water and fingers? That's like... *shivers* wellll, I just wish to know, heh.
Show of hands, perhaps? Lol~
Okay okay, I've got deadly dagger-like glares thrown my way, so I guess I'll just go play more Gunz and read. Cya =]
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
- Edgar Allan Poe
Tathanos
I'd emailed my friend who's studying over in Cali and asked him about college requirements over there.
Turns out differently from what I thought. There's also a community college besides the university college I know about,(or prolly the same, I'm not sure.) and I would prolly not be able to take up the courses I want, and have to pay thousands per sem.
And I most probably need to go back to poly.
Am I prepared for poly once again? 3 years of my life will be taken away... I'll be 23 then. By the time I get to America and complete my studies there, I'll be like, what, 27?
There's the question of finance, no doubt about that, but not a significant problem. Thinking about all this makes me hate myself. Why didn't I put in my heart while I took up BIT in NP 3 years ago?
If I had not flunked my Biz Statistics twice that year, how would my life be like now?
I know it's no longer an issue to lament about, but I often think about how different my life would be.... And it broke my heart. This brought forth nothing but odium in my head, so much so that I have to backtrack immediately so that this self-condemnation won't tear at me further.
I wish for nothing but to pin myself in a sarcophagus until I shrivel up and die.
For the first time in the past 3 years, beside the day I got my exam results from NP, I sincerely regret my truancy and "bo-chup" attitude towards studying. I still remember the moment I saw my results from the Net, I only felt dread about how my mum will react.
Now I feel the angst of failing my entire sodding life.
I feel bloody ashamed everytime people asked me about my education, but I'd always managed to push it off to the back of my head.
Now I just feel like dying. Flashing back to the faces on the people who knew and thought I am talented and intelligent, I finally understood their disappointment.
I know, you guys will just encourage me to go back to poly, but I would never be able to fulfill my dreams that way. My dream to act, and it's not just the TV/movies kind you know? I always preferred theatre works even tho I'd never dreamt of being able to enrol into an Art school.
Time and tide waits for no man... I'll be wrinkling and old, not the young blood I still am now. Life is just this harsh and practical.
And I hate myself for thinking so impractically for the past 1/5 decade. I just hope life will have better luck in store for me in the future.
P.S: Thanks alot Eugenia... For pulling me back afoot on the ground when I got so frantic just now, for being a night owl like I am, there to talk to me when I feel like I'm sinking towards Hell. It's nice to have friends who still care enough to help you out, even if we hadn't met in 2 years =) Thanks!
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
- Truman Capote
Turns out differently from what I thought. There's also a community college besides the university college I know about,(or prolly the same, I'm not sure.) and I would prolly not be able to take up the courses I want, and have to pay thousands per sem.
And I most probably need to go back to poly.
Am I prepared for poly once again? 3 years of my life will be taken away... I'll be 23 then. By the time I get to America and complete my studies there, I'll be like, what, 27?
There's the question of finance, no doubt about that, but not a significant problem. Thinking about all this makes me hate myself. Why didn't I put in my heart while I took up BIT in NP 3 years ago?
If I had not flunked my Biz Statistics twice that year, how would my life be like now?
I know it's no longer an issue to lament about, but I often think about how different my life would be.... And it broke my heart. This brought forth nothing but odium in my head, so much so that I have to backtrack immediately so that this self-condemnation won't tear at me further.
I wish for nothing but to pin myself in a sarcophagus until I shrivel up and die.
For the first time in the past 3 years, beside the day I got my exam results from NP, I sincerely regret my truancy and "bo-chup" attitude towards studying. I still remember the moment I saw my results from the Net, I only felt dread about how my mum will react.
Now I feel the angst of failing my entire sodding life.
I feel bloody ashamed everytime people asked me about my education, but I'd always managed to push it off to the back of my head.
Now I just feel like dying. Flashing back to the faces on the people who knew and thought I am talented and intelligent, I finally understood their disappointment.
I know, you guys will just encourage me to go back to poly, but I would never be able to fulfill my dreams that way. My dream to act, and it's not just the TV/movies kind you know? I always preferred theatre works even tho I'd never dreamt of being able to enrol into an Art school.
Time and tide waits for no man... I'll be wrinkling and old, not the young blood I still am now. Life is just this harsh and practical.
And I hate myself for thinking so impractically for the past 1/5 decade. I just hope life will have better luck in store for me in the future.
P.S: Thanks alot Eugenia... For pulling me back afoot on the ground when I got so frantic just now, for being a night owl like I am, there to talk to me when I feel like I'm sinking towards Hell. It's nice to have friends who still care enough to help you out, even if we hadn't met in 2 years =) Thanks!
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
- Truman Capote
Thursday, June 09, 2005
I have no other but a woman's reason: I think him so, because I think him so.
My old number, 98288536? It's not in use anymore. Yea, gonna change number. Again. That Bitch wants it back, so might as well.
To the few friends out there who still actually SMS me, don't bother =]
I will inform ya guys again when I get a new number.
P.S: Oh wow oh wow oh wow! Like, I'd decided to start watching my Angel Season 1 just now? And guess what? James Marsters a.k.a Spike popped up on the 3rd episode! So fast! Wee! It's BTVS related, so I think I might just get hooked to this series like I was to BTVS. Uh oh~
Anyway. I looked into my bf's face as he told me he love me just now, and I wondered, "Cor, what kind of woman will I be if I leave this guy behind? He loves me and dotes on me so much..."
To the few friends out there who still actually SMS me, don't bother =]
I will inform ya guys again when I get a new number.
P.S: Oh wow oh wow oh wow! Like, I'd decided to start watching my Angel Season 1 just now? And guess what? James Marsters a.k.a Spike popped up on the 3rd episode! So fast! Wee! It's BTVS related, so I think I might just get hooked to this series like I was to BTVS. Uh oh~
Anyway. I looked into my bf's face as he told me he love me just now, and I wondered, "Cor, what kind of woman will I be if I leave this guy behind? He loves me and dotes on me so much..."
If you're wondering what I mean by leaving, scroll down and read my post on "Who are you?"
As each day go by, I'm more and more assured of working towards that goal, perhaps even to an inexorable state. Yet compunction hit me when I think of leaving my loved ones behind.Deep in my bones, I know that my life never feel completed and full if I stay within this pinprick of a map, 647.5 sq km of area we call home.
My apologies to people who may get offended, but hey, I love Singapore too. Wanting to stay here forever or not, it's another issue.
People will be skeptical of my success or my determination, thinking I'm just being too quixotic. I know I am, but I also know that my mother will understand, especially when she realises that it's to continue my studies and doing what I really want in my life.
I hope to be able to fulfill that dream by next year or early 2007, even tho I know it's a risky step to take. I feel like an unfledged youth all of a sudden, panicking about how the real world will be like, how the world outside Singapore will be like.
Do you think it's practical? Do you think it's right? Sigh.
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."
- As You Like It (II, vii, 139-143), William Shakespeare
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
@#@$&@)#@$
I just told Mel about the care and concern I still get from some of my guy friends.
Sorry to name you guys out, but like, Gary, who treats me like a lady and gives me motivational speeches everytime? Kevin, who's constantly asking me to go out to catch a show with him? =P Kelvin, who still loves me after 5years?
Just to let you guys know, I'm touched =)
But then Mel decided to reply me with, "Meet them up. Then they won't bother anymore."
@#_@(&*$(!!!!
Sorry to name you guys out, but like, Gary, who treats me like a lady and gives me motivational speeches everytime? Kevin, who's constantly asking me to go out to catch a show with him? =P Kelvin, who still loves me after 5years?
Just to let you guys know, I'm touched =)
But then Mel decided to reply me with, "Meet them up. Then they won't bother anymore."
@#_@(&*$(!!!!
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Who are you?
Stupid vending machine. Dropped in money for a can of root beer and it ate up my money. Again! I absolutely hate that bloody machine. Wouldn't use it if it wasn't the only one in Mel's condo. My 2nd try for a root beer gave me a Coke. Sigh. Bad luck today.
I haven't ate since dinner last night. All I had today was a can of soyabean milk, and a can of Coke I'm sipping now. I'm not even hungry. Weird huh? Maybe my body'd adjusted to living on soul-food now - reading.
So, anyway, I came across this picture on the Net a while ago.
Yea well ignore the Marios. They're cute, but its not the point.
Who are you?
Who am I? Who am I really?
Am I the ditzy, half-witted bitch I feel at times? Am I intelligent? Am I the dual-personality woman, having my own idiosyncratic gestures or behaviour, or am I one of the millions of similar women in the world?
It's one of the most rudimentary questions on Earth. Heck, I've asked and been asked a thousand times.
Who are you? And I believe most people's answers will be, "Oh I'm Jennifer / I'm an American / I'm a girl / I'm James from ..." yada-yada, but repeat the question again, I reckon most of them will quieten down and think.
And if I ask myself right now, "Who am I?" My answer will be:
"I'm Jennifer Lim, a 20years old girl-to-be-woman, going thru the motions of her life. Succumbed to a sea of lust, raging hormones, sensitivities and uncertainty, drowning any sec. I strude aimlessly thru my life right now, but I have a life-long wish: To migrate to America and continue my studies in a college. To know James Marsters in person there.
To be able live the life I want; To act, to entertain, to sing, to throw myself into what I'm passionate about. If it doesn't work out, I hope to find a stable, albeit boring, job and spent the rest of my life there."
I just want to live my life free.
Frivolous? Maybe. But I've never deterred from that dream before. I still wish to be able to migrate to America or England one day and live the rest of my life there. And I'm also suffocatingly in love with everything James Marsters with a depth that overwhelms me.
I've tried dozens of times to convince myself I'm not, so I won't be taken as a laughing stock for going so goo-gaa over a celebrity, but I've given up.
He's in my throat, my guts, my mind, my heart. I'm subdued by him.
Anyway... I'd really thought about studying and working in America. Most prolly Cali / L.A / NY. Get into a college there, major in English, take up literature and psychology etc, and then live there for the rest of my life. J.M is a delicious bonus.
Of course there's the missing home part... And the bf part. I'll never be able to realise my dreams if I stay with Mel, because he's determined to stay in Singapore. Be patriotic, he says.
Am I being un-patriotic by dreaming of migrating? I don't think so, frankly. What's wrong to yearn for something you really want? It just isn't the point. I'll still love everything about Singapore if I'm able to leave her one day.
Besides, I have too many things holding me back, too many constraints. How do I explain to my mum and loved ones if I suddenly pack my stuff and fly to America?
I know that most of the time, I'm just a lazy pack of bones, but did anyone ask me what I really want in my life? Care enough to listen to me yab? There isn't.
I tried to tell some, like my bf, that I wish to act, to entertain, because it's prolly in my blood, the way I behave sometimes. Mel is supportive of me in every aspect, but he thinks that this is absurd.
Am I really being unrealistic?
At that, I'd just came to understand that I don't even know myself as well as I thought. I keep asking questions that nobody will be able to answer but me.
Will you tell me who I am?
Is it a bona fide dream? Or is it something I'm trying to hang on to, because of a lack of beliefs and goal? Right now, how I feel? It's the real McCoy, baby.
If you're supportive of my America dream, donations/job recommendations will be gladly accepted =]
"Acting is like any other craft, like flying an airplane. You need a certain amount of hours behind the joystick before you're going to be doing barrel roles."
- James Marsters
Another photoblog entry
Isn't my room lovely in the yellow lights? I don't like yellow, but blue was taken up by my bro, and pink by mum, so I got stuck with this a few years ago =P
Mel came to stay over yesterday, so I slept at the lower bunk and used the laptop. Really like the photo of my room, it looks so cosy and warm =]
I caught something in my peripheral vision, and a thought hit me.
Why do my bf/ex-bfs like to give me Mickey Mouse stuff? The one on the left is from Mel. The right one is from Kelvin.
I also have another bear that was packed in a Mickey Mouse box from my 1st bf, Calvin... And bears! I have a room full of soft toys... All given by my Exs and friends, lol. Do I have a "cuddly" look or something?
Don't give me a "0.o" look tho; I wasn't even the one to pin them on the wall. My mum did.
I got a feeling my blog's gonna tragically turn out as a photo-blog, a.k.a mostly photos and no content. Nooo!!! I've got something I wanna talk about, but I think I'll leave it for the next entry =]
... for in all things I saw one life, and felt that it was joy.
- William Wordsworth
(Yep... I'd just realised that my 3 favourite poets are all named William... William Shakespeare, William Blake, William Wordsworth. Wth?)
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Mmm! Pizza!
Heh, ordered stuff crust curry chicken pizza just now... Coming in 30mins! *Rubs her hands in anticipation* I'm soooo hungry right now >_>
I think I'm going to take up a sales job near my house in Amk Central. Mel's going to NS soon so I might as well find a job that's nearby. Not putting up much hope for an office job again, but I'll be going to submit a few resumes soon. Wish me luck!
Anyway, I ought to continue my revelation of past "ghostly encounters" lol. Picking up where I dropped off, I eyed the dancing shadows in horror until I hid myself under the blanket and finally fell asleep. I changed to sleep in my own room a couple of months later.
The next encounter was when I had some spare film on my disposable camera after a school's outing, and I took some pictures of my dog and me. Yea, I had a gorgeous female Shitzu dog, Ruby, for my 12th birthday.
Don't think I didn't take care of her tho. I hold the responsibility of cleaning all my pets I had so far - dog, hamsters, rabbits. I used to put my hamsters in small tubs of water and scrub them gently, and no, I'd not drowned any of the 30+ hamsters I've reared before =]
Had to give her away when I shifted house tho... Bad thing about me was that I didn't know how to "housebreak" her. Mum got irritated that she pooped all over the floor and that I liked to sleep with her on my bed. She came up with some bloody excuses that the neighbours complained about her barkings to the police, and she gave the dog to my cousins. Sigh...
Anyway, back to the subject. I took a photo in the kitchen(that's where my dog sleeps). The kitchen is the most creepiest part of my old house, Idk why, but everytime when I wanted to get a glass of water at night, I get all tingling and never lingered in the kitchen. My instinct was proven right when I took a photo with a ghastly greenish, slightly translucent face in the corner of the kitchen. Brr!!! It wasn't obvious, I still have the photo somewhere, but I knew enough that it wasn't a reflection due to light.
Prolly the closest experience I've ever had was in the living room. I had 2 hamsters back then, Simba and Nala (hehe), and I used to bring them out to play all the time. I was sitting infront of the TV and Nala was on top of the cupboard next to me, and I looked at her when she froze, looking at the door on my left.
I peered into the reflection made by her eyes... And I saw 2 white figures at the door... 1 had long hair, the other short, and they just stood there, unmoving, mirthless expressions on their faces. With nerves I prolly don't have anymore, without quivering in fear, I turned towards the door and........
Saw nothing. My hamster started moving then.
Heh =P I may not have a direct encounter with them, but that incident gave me enough hibeegibees. My old house is REALLY haunted man. It still gives me the creeps and 90% of my nightmares' setting revolves around it. Tigers and lions and bears, oh my...
Ah! Perfect! The food's here. More than sufficient to take my mind off the disturbing stuff now. Ta'~
We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.
- William Shakespeare
I think I'm going to take up a sales job near my house in Amk Central. Mel's going to NS soon so I might as well find a job that's nearby. Not putting up much hope for an office job again, but I'll be going to submit a few resumes soon. Wish me luck!
Anyway, I ought to continue my revelation of past "ghostly encounters" lol. Picking up where I dropped off, I eyed the dancing shadows in horror until I hid myself under the blanket and finally fell asleep. I changed to sleep in my own room a couple of months later.
The next encounter was when I had some spare film on my disposable camera after a school's outing, and I took some pictures of my dog and me. Yea, I had a gorgeous female Shitzu dog, Ruby, for my 12th birthday.
Don't think I didn't take care of her tho. I hold the responsibility of cleaning all my pets I had so far - dog, hamsters, rabbits. I used to put my hamsters in small tubs of water and scrub them gently, and no, I'd not drowned any of the 30+ hamsters I've reared before =]
Had to give her away when I shifted house tho... Bad thing about me was that I didn't know how to "housebreak" her. Mum got irritated that she pooped all over the floor and that I liked to sleep with her on my bed. She came up with some bloody excuses that the neighbours complained about her barkings to the police, and she gave the dog to my cousins. Sigh...
Anyway, back to the subject. I took a photo in the kitchen(that's where my dog sleeps). The kitchen is the most creepiest part of my old house, Idk why, but everytime when I wanted to get a glass of water at night, I get all tingling and never lingered in the kitchen. My instinct was proven right when I took a photo with a ghastly greenish, slightly translucent face in the corner of the kitchen. Brr!!! It wasn't obvious, I still have the photo somewhere, but I knew enough that it wasn't a reflection due to light.
Prolly the closest experience I've ever had was in the living room. I had 2 hamsters back then, Simba and Nala (hehe), and I used to bring them out to play all the time. I was sitting infront of the TV and Nala was on top of the cupboard next to me, and I looked at her when she froze, looking at the door on my left.
I peered into the reflection made by her eyes... And I saw 2 white figures at the door... 1 had long hair, the other short, and they just stood there, unmoving, mirthless expressions on their faces. With nerves I prolly don't have anymore, without quivering in fear, I turned towards the door and........
Saw nothing. My hamster started moving then.
Heh =P I may not have a direct encounter with them, but that incident gave me enough hibeegibees. My old house is REALLY haunted man. It still gives me the creeps and 90% of my nightmares' setting revolves around it. Tigers and lions and bears, oh my...
Ah! Perfect! The food's here. More than sufficient to take my mind off the disturbing stuff now. Ta'~
We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.
- William Shakespeare
Friday, June 03, 2005
=]
I was soooo bored today, that I decided to find people to talk to on IRC :D People I know, that is. Ended up talking to quite a few people.
It was quite refreshing... Having people who still remember me and catching up finally.
I even chatted with Leo again. The other ex-bf named Leo excluding the 1 in my tagboard =P And the professional advisor strikes again. The last time I talked to him regarding his bgr problems was... Well, 2years ago I think. It was, a pleasant chat all in all.
I have a spot in my heart for all the men I've truly given my heart to. I feel a sort of endearment towards them and care for them all the same, even if my demeanor towards some are strictly in a platonic, friendly way. Others just bring back, bittersweet memories. Frankly, the reason why I chatted with Leo and advised him was that I still think and care about him sometimes. I know he won't read my blog, so I feel comfortable saying it out.
I do feel like a total bitch tho. I DO have a boyfriend, and he's prolly gonna explode if he ever reads this, because he knows of the soft spots I for my Exs.
Over-emotional? Perhaps I'm just thinking too much. I really hope that's the case. I really wish to stop all these irradical behaviours and thinkings.
As I'd mentioned before, someone slap me please :( I need to wake up and seriously mature...
For the mood of the entry tonight, I'd decided to change the ending quote/poem into some sad love quotes... Not by famous poets, just commonly known. You'll understand when you read them =)
And to Mel...: Even if I have doubts about our possibility of a future, even if we don't have a future together, never doubt that I love you. That's all that matters right now, isn't it? We can only take one step at a time.
"I'll Pin my heart to my back so you can see it break as I walk away..."
"Missing you isnt the hardest part, its Knowing that I once had you that breaks my heart."
"How can you just give up and leave though? Give up on what we may have had, and act like it mean nothing to you?" Remember, you said "I Love You" first. It's amazing what three little words can do to a girl, especially when you take them back."
"Being friends with someone you would rather be in love with is like being invited behind the barn to look at the stars and only looking at the stars."
"If two past lovers remain friends, they are either still in love or never were."
"You were my favorite mistake."
It was quite refreshing... Having people who still remember me and catching up finally.
I even chatted with Leo again. The other ex-bf named Leo excluding the 1 in my tagboard =P And the professional advisor strikes again. The last time I talked to him regarding his bgr problems was... Well, 2years ago I think. It was, a pleasant chat all in all.
I have a spot in my heart for all the men I've truly given my heart to. I feel a sort of endearment towards them and care for them all the same, even if my demeanor towards some are strictly in a platonic, friendly way. Others just bring back, bittersweet memories. Frankly, the reason why I chatted with Leo and advised him was that I still think and care about him sometimes. I know he won't read my blog, so I feel comfortable saying it out.
I do feel like a total bitch tho. I DO have a boyfriend, and he's prolly gonna explode if he ever reads this, because he knows of the soft spots I for my Exs.
Over-emotional? Perhaps I'm just thinking too much. I really hope that's the case. I really wish to stop all these irradical behaviours and thinkings.
As I'd mentioned before, someone slap me please :( I need to wake up and seriously mature...
For the mood of the entry tonight, I'd decided to change the ending quote/poem into some sad love quotes... Not by famous poets, just commonly known. You'll understand when you read them =)
And to Mel...: Even if I have doubts about our possibility of a future, even if we don't have a future together, never doubt that I love you. That's all that matters right now, isn't it? We can only take one step at a time.
"I'll Pin my heart to my back so you can see it break as I walk away..."
"Missing you isnt the hardest part, its Knowing that I once had you that breaks my heart."
"How can you just give up and leave though? Give up on what we may have had, and act like it mean nothing to you?" Remember, you said "I Love You" first. It's amazing what three little words can do to a girl, especially when you take them back."
"Being friends with someone you would rather be in love with is like being invited behind the barn to look at the stars and only looking at the stars."
"If two past lovers remain friends, they are either still in love or never were."
"You were my favorite mistake."
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Wee!
Eski bar was cool! It's a nice place to chill out with friends. Pun intended.
I wanted to finish my update yesterday, but I was too exhausted when I got home.
I was at Eski bar with Jas and her cousin Lee Ling for like, 30mins only, so I barely felt the cold. I even sweated a lil! Our breaths did get fogged up in the end, and I love being cold, so I'm most prolly go over there again sometime soon ^^"
Me and my niece Jas =P
Jas's friends, Shawn and er, friend, came over at 1am but the bar was closing. I then suggested MS xD It's been a while since I've went there. Wanted to go Cheeky's to @_@ around, but the guys wanted MW, so we went there instead.
That's about the only place I haven't went in MS... Lmao but they regarded me as "chiongster" and asked me so many questions about the charges blah blah. How would I know! I'm not the MS street directory... I used to know, but it'd been a longggg time.
Anyway, MW is my new favourite place in Sultan =] Another nice place to chill out in. Wanted to dance at the R&B room but it was practically deserted, but the techno room was packed. The guys got Chivas for us... How sweet! I thought they might get a few drinks for us, but awww...!
Boy, I bet they regretted doing that. I drank more than all the other 4 put together.
It's not as good as Martell, but it's certainly good enough! I like 'em bourbon or on the rocks, and once I start, I can't stop. The last time I drank was at Zhi Zhong's birthday a while ago :(
Lee Ling, Jas, and me after some drinks. We could barely keep our eyes opened... Lol~~ =X
Told you I'm fat >_>
And in courtesy of our friendly sponsors, the guys! I didn't even spent a cent yesterday night! Thank you again :D
And last but not least, my friendly chauffeur for the night, Mel.
Young men's love then lies not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes.
- William Shakespeare
I wanted to finish my update yesterday, but I was too exhausted when I got home.
I was at Eski bar with Jas and her cousin Lee Ling for like, 30mins only, so I barely felt the cold. I even sweated a lil! Our breaths did get fogged up in the end, and I love being cold, so I'm most prolly go over there again sometime soon ^^"
Me and my niece Jas =P
Jas's friends, Shawn and er, friend, came over at 1am but the bar was closing. I then suggested MS xD It's been a while since I've went there. Wanted to go Cheeky's to @_@ around, but the guys wanted MW, so we went there instead.
That's about the only place I haven't went in MS... Lmao but they regarded me as "chiongster" and asked me so many questions about the charges blah blah. How would I know! I'm not the MS street directory... I used to know, but it'd been a longggg time.
Anyway, MW is my new favourite place in Sultan =] Another nice place to chill out in. Wanted to dance at the R&B room but it was practically deserted, but the techno room was packed. The guys got Chivas for us... How sweet! I thought they might get a few drinks for us, but awww...!
Boy, I bet they regretted doing that. I drank more than all the other 4 put together.
It's not as good as Martell, but it's certainly good enough! I like 'em bourbon or on the rocks, and once I start, I can't stop. The last time I drank was at Zhi Zhong's birthday a while ago :(
Lee Ling, Jas, and me after some drinks. We could barely keep our eyes opened... Lol~~ =X
Told you I'm fat >_>
And in courtesy of our friendly sponsors, the guys! I didn't even spent a cent yesterday night! Thank you again :D
And last but not least, my friendly chauffeur for the night, Mel.
Young men's love then lies not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes.
- William Shakespeare
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