Shit... I didn't even notice.

My 20th birthday is coming in 1 week's time... And here I thought there's still 2 weeks to go. Lol.

When did my birthdays get so forgettable as years passed? I used to plan them in advance at least 1 month before. Now I don't even know what I intend to do next week.

Help me with the decisions, please?

1) BBQ on the 1st of Oct at Mel's place. That'll be my nieces if they can make it, Mel's friends and my own friends. But abit squeezy, leh... There'll be at least 6 of Mel's friends, at least 5 of my own friends, my 2 nieces, Mel's cousin whom I'll have to ask along, plus Mel and I = 16 minimum.

They do have a function room for me to book tho... Hmm.

2) Don't celebrate with Mel's friends. Go out on Sat/Sun with Mel to celebrate, and I celebrate on the day itself, which is Monday, with my own friends, prolly just a dinner, or whatever my god-bro can come up with.

3) BBQ at Mel's house on Sat but without my friends and nieces. Just the usual "hiadi" bunch; Zhi Zhong, Vincent, Bong, Louis etc... And KTV on Monday with my own friends.

4) KTV instead of BBQ on Sat(just like how I celebrated last year), dinner with friends on Monday.

5) Chinablack / Liquid Room / Music Underground on Sat with the usual bunch, but not gonna buy liquor, lah. No money! KTV/dinner on Monday.

Toughie :( It's not like I'll get any presents or ang baos from Mel's side, and even tho I'll get quite a bit of money from my own side, I doubt I want to spend them all. F.i.g.u.r.i.n.e.s.!

Moreover, I paid $200+ for the KTV celebration last year. Not something I would like to relive this year, paying for a whole group of friends when I planned KTV for low spending. At least I won't have to pay for Elaine and the others we've lost contact with this year.

Decisions, decisions... Since when did my birthday celebrations become so le chey instead of happy?

Sigh.

Look at this:

¤ Gawd... I didn't even notice that my Bday's coming in 1 week... How should I celebrate? =\ [www.jenxger.blogspot.com] ¤ says:
=.=

'Clarence; god bless those involved in Ms Hurricane Rita. says:
How you celebrating? Making babies with melvin ahs? Hahas

That made me realise I'd lost my identity, ever since getting into a relationship with Melvin.

I'm always Melvin's gf, or *****'s friend, blah blah. When was the last time people said "Wah, JenxGeR leh!" "Hey, Jennifer's here!" "Yo, Jen!", like I'm a integer part of the gang? "Gang" as in not being the only girl or whatever, but being accepted like a brother.

I used to be in the limelight with my friends. Now I don't know what I am anymore. My reliance on him for support and solace made me lost my independence and self-confidence... My god-bro thought so too.

He advised me to take some time to go travelling, or take a step and go overseas to study using the savings account I had since young. Just take a chance, and know my direction.

I agree that I need to know my direction... Where and what I should move towards, and get to know myself again. Get to be the Jennifer that her friends loved.

But what if I fail? All those who had been laughing at me... Even tho they want me to buck up, they've been looking down on me all the way... My family... Friends... Melvin... His family.

For 20 years, I lived my life the way my mother wanted me to. Good scores, top class, etc etc. She always penalised me for whatever small mistakes I made along the way, and when I fell 3 years ago; when I fell for the first time in 20 years, I was given a death penalty.