Me.

I'm a lousy girlfriend. A lousy daughter. A lousy employee. A lousy friend.

I accept that now. I used to push these thoughts to the back of my mind and tell myself to think positive thoughts. I told myself I'm doing just fine, it's just a virus of my mind. Telling myself that everything's fine and dandy like cotton candy.

I was wrong.

It doesn't matter what I want, it doesn't matter what I need. It doesn't matter if I cry, don't matter if I bleed. I'm nothing but a lambent shadow.

What's life? Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more...


I cursed, I lamented, I scorned
at cheerful laughters and
encouraging smiles.

I abjured from society.
I tried to make myself
inured to life's drudgery
and distress.

I failed.

Oh, the quiddity of life.
What is life but live to die?
To crave that soothing moment
but to cower when it nears?

Nobody shared in my isolated gaieties.
Nobody cared beyond
a modicum of concern.

I am alone... Truly alone.
It makes Death all the more
sacrosanct for me.


------------------------------------------------------


In case you failed to notice,

In case you failed to see,

This is my heart,

Bleeding before you --

This is me down on my knees...


------------------------------------------------------

We have lost even this twilight.
No one saw us this evening hand in hand
while the blue night dropped on the world.

I have seen from my window
the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.

Sometimes a piece of sun
burned like a coin in my hand.

I remembered you with my soul clenched
in that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?
Who else was there?
Saying what?
Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
when I am sad and feel you are far away?

The book fell that always closed at twilight
and my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.

Always, always you recede through the evenings
toward the twilight erasing statues.