爱得太深， 容易醉。 恨太久，心容易碎。 坚强得太久好疲惫。。。


对不会喜欢我的男人有感觉，似乎变成我的专利了。


我像是一只小鸟，为了爱拼了命义无反顾的追，累了就在风里睡觉，在风里流泪，即使疲惫也不会停的往前飞。


但我真的好累了。。。有时候想大哭一场把心情宣泄，也似乎无力，只好在心里独自流泪。

I hate it how I automatically encourage my crushes to go for the girls they'll like, just because I know I'll never have a shot.

Guess subconsciously I feel that the faster he gets attached, the earlier I'll feel obliged to murder my feelings. I have no idea why I always crush on the kind of guys who'll never look at me as more than a friend.

Maybe I ought to be mulling over how to make guys not treat me as a buddy... And think about how to make myself appear more attractive.

Guess it starts from losing weight :) WATCH OUT WORLD!


其实还蛮喜欢这单身自由的简单，快乐，但现在我眼前的路一片迷茫。。。 我到底该往哪儿走?

Winding down Sunday.

Decided to wake up at noon today so I can get some idle slacking time, and boy it was a good time spent.

Spent the better part of the day watching Initial D episodes and other movies, and spent my last 2 hours googling two sexy HUNKALICIOUS MAMMAMIAS! Thus I present to you,

Kevin Zegers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


and Jared Leto~~~~~~~~~

I know, they look eeriely similar; Guess they're one of my to-drool-over types. :D~


BUT. It broke my lil ol' heart when I came across these pictures...


Sigh.


Should I be flattered or frustrated that Paris Hilton had/has the same taste as I do? =_=.

Extension of probation till September 14, 2008

"Dear Jennifer,

This is to inform you that your probation period is extended to September 14, 2008.

We trust you will put in your utmost efforts to improve and develop the areas of converns as highlighted by your immediate supervisor and further strengthen the team in your best capacity during this extended period.


Yours sincerely,
For and on behalf of
xxx "


Sigh. For the first time ever in my life, my capability has been casted in doubt. I almost felt insulted if not for the fact that I saw it coming.

My manager informed me that they do want me on the team and to stay in the company, but they are extending my probation by a month as a formality and they believe that I'll be able to work on and improve the issues that were highlighted to me.

I've met some really good colleagues here; our lunchs and dinners filled with practically inexhaustible gossip on our you-know-who, and I'm not directly in the crossfire shall any office politics arise('cos hey, just a lil office girl here), but it sucks that you get shit for your executive's incompetence.

Passing on information to me that is practically impossible for me to verify its accuracy, yet blaming me for the aftermath. Chuckling away her obvious overlooks and whining out loud infront of our manager at my mistakes.

I have one seriously emo executive that I have no idea how to handle. Just when I thought I've seen it all...

Should I go back into my old line; Customer service? I'm being paid really well despite my qualifications and little-to-none experience in this field, but being in the operations side, I can't foresee my next course of 'elevation' unless its a few years down the road and my exec so happens to resign. Being back in my old line would it would at least give me a sense of satisfaction that my current job will never endow, and a chance to move up the corporate ladder.

Decisions, decisions...

Update on 08/09/08: Huh. So my exec DID resign. They're even freezing the headcount at the moment, so I do have every chance to be promoted given time, but its too soon... I'm not even sure of my confirmation, or even if I'm staying. Argh.

The BSOD.

Yes, I've gotten the Blue Screen of Death on my dear ol' laptop.

It's one of the dreaded IRQL not equal or less errors, after the months of not clearing out my harddisk space, I think. It has finally made my harddisk kick the bucket. Not a newly installed driver issue; The last time I installed something on my machine was last month, and it was working fine till yesterday.

I'll be detached from civilisation for a couple of months before I can even think to afford a new laptop... Right now I'm worried if I can even afford to attempt the rescue mission on my burnt out harddisk to which the derived solution is to get an external harddisk drive and get some tech shop to backup my harddisk for me.

I so hate my life now.

ARGH.

Update:

Thanks to Bernard who offered to loan me his laptop until I can replace
mine. We've only chatted yesterday and you're willing to meet me tomorrow
for it. You're a lifesaver!

08/08/08, the end of my tethers...

A/N: Have a great National Day tomorrow guys. Happy birthday. :)


Hey, I just haveta blog on this day, aye? I don't think I'll be still blogging 10 years down the road, and the numbers won't be as swee anyway...

So. Nothing much has been up recently. I'm progressing into my 3rd month at State Street, but I've yet to hear about my confirmation. Well, it would definitely be sad if I go; I've made some good friends here, but I'm not about to worry about it incessantly. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn't, this isn't the end of the road for me.


The best words to describe my recent emotions would be...... Actually, I can't find the right words.

Let's just say I'm in a state of unfeeling... Almost indurate. Like, jaded with a tinge of lethargy, only on a lighter scale?


It's not exactly a good thing, nor can I say its bad. This numbness wraps me in its warm cocoon, makes me feel all safe-like. I don't even react that strongly to upsetting news anymore. Rod got married? Fine, I cried for an hour and I got over it. At least I'm not easily slipping back into my depression as I used to, right? So it's all good, right? :)



I think I'm finally reaching the end of my tethers...

Do you love me?

If you do, get me this .

YESH...

Our cute colleague from the London office is extending his stay till Sunday, and my lovely colleagues have managed to waggle what time he has left in Singapore for me.


Basically he'll just follow whatever we've planned... So tonight it'll be wine, dinner, and then more drinks at Clarke Quay. And if I manage to pluck up the courage, he and I will be going to the Garden Festival with Debbie and her friend tomorrow...



Heh heh... *Evil chuckle and rubs palms together*



Will update soon!

*Creams*

Okay, maybe the title is a little over, but I can't help it when I see a cute guy in the office amidst work and slacking off. And mind you, one of the cutest ever!

I mean, first off, he is tall and trim, almost on the lanky side but still hot. My male colleague then pointed out that he looks like a cross between Jason Priestly... AND HE DOES! I find him a cross between Jason Priestly and Jude Law, but realistically not that devastatingly cute. =]

But then, he's like the cuter, bespectacled version of Jason Priestly. Like, like... Like this!


Oops?


Okay, my lousy Paint skills made him look like Robin from Batman and Robin, but you know what I mean.

We have a Flying Dutchman lookalike in our local office, but HE'S the English version of Jason Priestly in a GQ model suit. And that smile. And that impeccable hair. That accent. That manly name, Thorsten... Goddamnit.

And when he breezed past my desk earlier on, giving me a killer smile while adjusting his jacket collar, I couldn't help but think "Hugh Grant!". Funny, eh?


He's gonna return to London tomorrow and one of our vice presidents will be taking him out tonight. Some of us are having dinner at Ikoi restaurant tonight and I'm keeping my fingers crossed in hope that they will join us instead.

Rofl, I sound like a psycho. But its not like I'm in love or something; I just like this tingly feeling and I like exclaiming over cute guys. xD So bite me!


I love working in American/UK companies.

Rainy Monday... And my ink!

Sigh... Rainy Monday equates to sleepy Jen. Was late to work after maintaining a clean record for a week, argh.

Something drastic happened during 18-19th July 2008 and has deeply impacted my life. The shameful experience has scarred me so much that it hurts just to think about it, let say talk about it. Stn no: 2769... Sigh.

Thank you Ying, for being there for me. I wouldn't have made it without you. :)


RIGHT! So, about that ink. Well, it's finally done. Got it on Saturday evening and toiled 4 hours on the bloody chair.

I'd originally gotten the idea from this nymph...


Right, and then I told the tattooist that I want my nick 'Jenx' incorporated above the wings, with some vines twining from the nymph's arm and then branching out.

Sounds rather clean and neat and small, innit?

Well, Sean drew me the design on Saturday, and though it was kinda different from the idea I originally had and he couldn't add in my nick, I thought it wasn't bad.

Thus, I ended up with this... Although it IS going to be on me for life now, honest comments will still be well appreciated.


It's huge... I know! Everybody told me that, so I would appreciate comments on how it looks instead. Lol.

Who are you? Who am I?

I still remember some particularly memorable posts I've made over the years, and I went over my past posts to discover this one .

It brought a smile to my face. I still feel intensely regarding most of the things I've said back then in '05, but sadly, without that tinge of naivity anymore.

Right now, I would just say this...




Now, if only I can believe...

ROFL...

I asked my friend from WLNY, Kevin, to sketch a nymph/fairy for my tattoo design, but guess what he sent me earlier on?




LOL. No way in hell! (Ah yes, btw Zohan is an inner joke between the group; apparently the guys were all cracked up over Adam Sandler's accent and quotes inside and they have been talking like him.)

Zohan: I only be stiff for you.

Ink.

I've made an appointment for a tattoo this coming weekend.

@_@...

It's one of the typical moments where I'll doubt my decision until the very last minute, even after the deed is done, only that this is permanent.

I'm thinking a woodland nymph or one with a fallen angel vibe, with some background. Not gonna go into details until I have pictures to show ;)

I've shared my concept with the cute tattooist and my friend will probably design something for me too, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed >_>.

What do you think? I'm not even sure if anyone still reads this, but I desperately need comments from anyone to decide if I SHOULD get inked.

Though I already do have a vague picture of how my full back tattoo will be in the future. ROFL.


Oh the way, I'm getting it done on my right lower back, and nope, I'm not telling my mother about it. =)

ROFL!

I was munching on my sweet potato when my jaw dropped after reading our weekly employee email.

Please enter your name, employee number, phone, e-mail and country. If you submit a correct answer, you will automatically be entered in a raffle to win a State Street gift item.

Raffle Winners: Jennifer Lim, IS-Asia Pacific in Singapore and xxx, Risk and Compliance in Luxembourg.

Woot! Really didn't expect to be be so heng. Can't wait to see what I'll get! :)

Anyway, today is the last day of my 14days detox programme... Dawn, tomorrow, marks a new beginning.

To be honest here, I have every intention to continue the detox, as I strangely have lost my cravings for the food I was looking forward to these past 2 weeks - The roti prata, fried carrot cake, my brother's Lor Mee, etc.

Except maybe Japanese food. They are my all-time favourites, afterall.

Too bad my friends have been bugging me to go out with them to 'commemorate' my diligence and success of the detox programme, so I've basically have a breakfast date, a dinner date and 2 'requests' to party on Saturday, and a lunch date on Sunday thus far.

I wonder how long it'll take before I gain back the weight I've lost, lmao. Ah well. At least I know that I've made a conscience and assiduous effort to repair my exhausted body.

Looking forward to my next Detox... <3

Man vs Woman

I've been chatting on this thread in WLYN when the topic suddenly veered to men's choice of wives and their nationalities.

Ever the competitor, I jumped right into the fray and pitched in my two-pence point of view.

Hence the small debate war begun.

This poor chap was whining over how women are getting so picky over looks and/or materialistic, and generally being feminist. Another tried to poke at my stand by asking if I would ask a man to carry my handbag 0_o.

Most of them were neutral about Man vs Woman, but now most of the neutral ones have bowed out and thus left only those who revered the ancient times where Man were overlords and women but toys and additions to harems. *Sigh*


My latest reply went like this:

It seems that the rising amount of 'rebel cases' where girls are picking
guys instead, have overshadowed the truth that there are still more percentage
of men who are picky over their partner of the opposite sex as compared to the
women.

One guy from the minority rallies, and all the other poor buggers come
marching in. Still doesn't take away the fact that it was the guys who did this
alpha omega, I am Man hear me roar thing since the beginning lol. Courtship is
after all the oldest dance ever existed and its the survival of the fittest.

We women are just following suit.

I am Woman hear me roar!!!

Well its true, isn't it? All I can say is, its the era of survival of the fittest, and men will just have to get used to the fact that women are finally catching up.

Also, you'll have to obey the natural order of things - If you are not very pleasant looking, please do not expect a drop-dead gorgeous person of the opposite sex to give you the time of the day with your pathetic attempt to get into their pants or skirts. I don't just sashay my way up to a hunk or real cutie and chat them up, expecting them to fall at my feet, you know. I don't chat them up, period.

Of course, when it comes to affairs of the heart, women are still at an disadvantage, sadly. Once their hearts have been captured... All reasonings will be shown the door, repercussions be damned.


“Once my heart was captured, reason was shown the door, deliberately and with a sort of frantic joy. I accepted everything, I believed everything, without struggle, without suffering, without regret, without false shame. How can one blush for what one adores?” - George Sand

Slacking at work in progress...

Mmm... Something's up. I've been given practically no work ever since last Monday, except the occasional small errands to check things out.

Basically, I've been sending out an average of 4 emails per day, 2 of which just are to my executive to enquire on some stuff. I send out a courier package every other day, and idly peruse the stationery inventory sporadically.

Other than that, I blog, I surf, I read fanfics online, I listen to my mp3s on the PC. Too bad that I'm working in a bank; If I have Facebook, I would say my entertainment is completed.

And I collect a $2k+ salary for doing just that. Envy? :P

Admittedly though, I don't really like this situation. My superiors ought to know there's nothing much I have to do recently. Even though our culture is that they don't fire people unless we've done something that is against the Company's policy, I can't help but worry over my probation.

Detox Programme - 1 week mark.

Yea baby yea... This is my 7th day of detox :) Exactly 7 more days to go!

I'm able to feel a change in me already; More spry, more healthy, and I've lost some weight (Unless my form-fitting top has loosen).

I'm a tad disappointed in my weight loss progress, but those who have went through the programme told me that the results usually are more obvious during the 2nd week of detox... So I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Tonight, I'm gonna pamper myself to a night at Clarke Quay. I'll be drinkless and dead sober, yes. But at least I know I'm strong enough to abstain and resist temptation.

Have a good weekend, people!

Detox

It's already my 5th day of detox... The pessimist in me would say that there's 9 more days to go, but I am still proud to say I've made it this far.

I'm feeling quite horribly nauseous now, as the detox will trigger past ailments and try to heal them, so when they do, you'll have to bear with some painful symptoms. I had my backache and peekaboo kidney pains, a couple of days ago.

Well at least, I'm delighted that my skin condition seemed to have vastly improved all on its own, bowel movements are much more smooth, and I do think I've slimmed down a lil.

I'm just 1/3 done with my detox, so who's to say the pros won't double its effects, or even triple? Moreover, I want to show it some people that I CAN DO IT.


Please gimme some verbal or mental support... I reckon I need it desperately much :D

Sparks...

Just something that came into mind when I was chatting with Jasmine.

Sparks... Not just the place we first met in *grins*, it was also there in our 5 years together.

When I said sparks, I didn't mean it simply being the sparks flying and the intense chemistry, but also sparks that could ignite gunpowder.

Anger and passion, that we had plenty, no matter how deluded your memory of our relationship is now.

I remember very well...

We did love each other terribly much, even though you now say that you apparently never stopped loving her.



I looked so different 5 1/2 years ago *grins*.


No worries, I'm reminiscing about our times together as a memory, is all. I would never give up what I've experienced in the past 10 months. =)

Major rant on customer service.

Okay, allow me to do some major ranting in this post. You are forewarned that there will be vulgarities that may hurt your bloody fucking sensitivities, so don't read on if you don't want your eyes to be further abused.

What is the matter with our customer service nowadays? Being from a background where I've been in the customer service industry since my first job, I was fucking annoyed and pissed off within the span of 2 weeks by 2 different companies.

First off, when I was trying to search for a muthafucking service apartment for one of the heads and when I've finally found 1 that suited his fucking requirements, I called valuefuckingstay.com.sg only for their "customer service" lady Catherine and apartment viewing guy Kelvin, talk to me as if I'm an insignificant snit that was not worthy of their time. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE THE ONE TALKING CORDIALLY WHILE YOU HUFF AND PUFF IMPATIENTLY!

THEN, our company's stationery supplier, Kumpukamlan, mistook my order of 1 box, to 1 large box computing to 12x of what I ordered.

So I called them up to enquire, and I told him that I'll be mainly taking care of our inventory now, and I've made an order for 1 box before, and I HAD received 1 single box as ordered. And do you know what he told me?

"I don't know about you arh, but as per State Street side the instructions hor, they don't order 1 pathetic box, they will usually 1 big box consisting of 12. Not 1 pathetic box."

FUCK YOU! My orders very pathetic, HAR? I bloody called you stating I am Jennifer calling from State Street, what the fuck do you mean as per State Street's instructions? CHEEBYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.


ARGH. Those sodding gits can kiss my arse. Fucking pissed off.

14 days Detox

Further testament that I might start blogging regularly again, is this update. Heh.

Well anyway, it's only a short note, barely enough to suffice as a real post, but I just wanna declare that I'm finally going to start my detox programme w.e.f. 21st June 2008!

I think the first time I'd said I wanted to do it, was before CNY... Now that is long ago. Glad I've came up to scratch now, but God's Teeth, I need strong will to resist the temptation of cigarettes, snackings, and my favourite drinks(of both the alcoholic and non-alcoholic kind).

Tonight's my last night of 'freedom' before I go into a 'peaceful seclusion'(I will not be clubbing, simply put) for 2 weeks, and resurface a brand new me.

People of the world, beware!