Smoking ban in clubs...

Author's side note: I'm going for a beauty class - 美容营养班 - after work today, for a consecutive 6 weeks every Wednesday.

$175 for 6 classes. It's not something I've very excited about, but at least my friends are there. I suppose it'll be a good way to pass my time and learn a little something something.

Next up, dance classes...

When I was at MOS last Saturday aka 30th June 2007, it was already 1.15am, which was officially 1st July 2007.

There were still smokers in non-smokers area, but I credited it to the fact that the ban had only started an hour ago.

When we got to Cafe Delmoar at 8am that morning (yes, I've finally went there, though not with XXX as I originally thought I would), the place was deserted and we were out by the jacuzzi in the open air, when we got stopped from smoking.

Waiter: I'm sorry, according to the law, I will need you to smoke over there *points to 'smoking area' 10 feet infront of us*.

Bloody hell. I'll have you know that smokers have rights too! What the hell is wrong with smoking in the open air when there's NO customers within a mile's radius? Take some, give some!

The government had even raised the tax for cigarettes again after implementing the ban. They just want to corner us 'till we fall off the cliff innit?

Next, they'll probably ban us from smoking in our own cars while on the road, dictating it as a deadly road hazard or something like that. I wouldn't be surprised.


Sigh... I wonder what will it be like when I go over to MOS tonight.


Skylounge, a non-smokers' area. Psyeah, righttt...


*I like the way a zhng-ed up Evo 9 feels on an empty road... ptiu ptiu ptiu~*

当我在强迫自己放弃，死心的时候，发现心里还有一盏灭不掉的灯，我不知该如何是好。。。



那算是一件好事， 还是一条死路? 就是心中的那一盏灯，和我天生的“执著”， 使得我对爱，对男人那么地浑然失措。


到现在，还不清楚是“看破”好，还是“迷惘”天真些。



29/06/2007, 20:20.

---

昨晚，我看到了不该看的东西。I saw something I shouldn't have saw last night.

不。其实不是不该看，而是不想看。No. It wasn't technically something I shouldn't have seen, just something I should have prepared myself for.

It was like those movie scenes whereby you walk up into a club and practically walked rightsmack into him while he's chatting up another girl, then he does the shifty-eyes-looking-everywhere-but-at-you trick. Looking past you when he inevitably has to greet you.

I still didn't think that was necessary... Men. Thus I got silly and drunk and made a fool outta myself.

I won't lie and say that I'm ok; I'm all torn up into shreds now and it hurts so bloody fucking much that everything in life has lost its favour and colours to me. That is why I go out every night to drink and numb my pain.


But now, instead of having to constantly wonder, I finally know... And my heart now has another hard layer of protection around it.


It would take more than being a gentleman, having a quirky English sense of humour, homemade breakfast and dinners and mindblowing sex, the ability to make me a contented woman or the ability to make me believe that I am too much of a woman for men to handle, to make me fall in love that easily again.




Rod: "Do you trust me? I don't mean it like, you know, but as a friend. Do you trust me?"


Me: "Yes, I do."




Now I understand why he'd phrased it like that.



我行的. 请相信我. 我只需要多一点时间... I'll be okay =)

In memories of Chris Benoit.

"Wrestling has consumed my life. Wrestling is my mistress. It's my passion. It defines who I am as a person."

May 21, 1967 to June 24, 2007.


May the 2 good friends find their peace together.


RIP Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero.

Too much pain... maybe its time to leave everything behind...

The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come. - Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)


I recall that recently, I'd told Jasmine to find 'herself' again and just be.

I now realise that it's probably a load of bullshit.

I've always disillusioned myself with the probability that I may get a real fighting chance with a guy, or I'll one day get to be with a man who appreciates me and whom I love.

Complete bollocks.

If you scratch below the surface of Jennifer Lim, you'll find the apathetic, clingy, soft-hearted girl-woman who simply loves too much and too deep, and has no self-respect and confidence.

After Rod asked who is the real me, I wasn't sure who is the real Jennifer, but I know for sure that she is a had-been. Now, she's just too tainted, too jaded, too much hard work for anyone to try to care about.

She wants to try to open up, to let go, but she just can't try hard enough. Too tired to. I'm not worth anybody's effort. This much I'm honest with myself.

I mean, I'm a wreck job. I have no confidence; People will try to build it up and give me other perspectives of myself that I'd failed to look at, but I'm not built to look beyond, to hold a man's love or liking, or just be a person who isn't constantly giving others a headache.

I haven't been a fun person to be around these last couple of years; I can sit amidst dozens of people or even among the hundreds in MOS, yet I'll be there, quiet, meek, staring off into space while sipping on my drink.

Squeezing out a brief smile when someone tries to strike up a conversation. Laugh and joke with a friend, sliding on a mask.

I go out every single day after work, alone most of the time, to sit at my friend's pub and have a couple of drinks. Never drunk, but high enough to forget my sorrows for the rest of the night.

My only comfort? Love. I take chances, plow head-on, but always return bruised and battered.

How can I be so stupid to let something of 2 months hurt me so much already? I can't believe I sinked so fast... And that I have never learnt to be smarter.

Christ... I hate myself so much that I don't want to be me anymore. If my life was a movie, people would be scoffing by the 2nd Act.


How can I make it go away? Why do I always fall in love with the wrong man?


"I was just about to tell you...
That I love him... I do.
I love him, I love him! And I don't care what you think.
I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man that he almost is.
I love him, I love him... I love him."




When will I learn?



Too much pain... Maybe its time to leave everything behind and just go away...

还是算了吧... I give up...

Can someone sing 蔡依林 - 我知道你很難過 to me EVERYDAY until I believe in the lyrics? ;.)

我知道你很難過
愛一個人　需要緣份
你何苦讓自己　越陷越深
別傻得用你的天真
去碰觸不安的靈魂
每一天只能痴痴的等

愛一個人　別太認真
你受傷的眼神　令人心疼
沒有一個人　非要另一個人
才能過一生　你又何苦逼自己
面對傷痕

我知道你很難過
感情的付出不是真心就會有結果
別問怎麼做　愛才能長久
這道理有一天你會懂

我知道你很難過
昨天是戀人今天說分手就分手
別問你的痛　要怎麼解脫
多情的人註定　傷得比較久

愛若變成了刺　思念也成了痴
也許心碎是愛情最美的樣子

Photo entry.

I used to include alot of pictures and photographs to add spices and vividity into my entries, but I'd realised my blog is just full of boring words now lol.

Therefore, this nonsensical entry will be dedicated to pictures, and random pictures only :) Enjoy!


Picture taken off Aimee's LJ ;)


Taken off Mahel's blog :)


The 'Elder Lims'... Mother's Day at Turf City :)


Wedding dinner at Swissotel.


Ahh. Must be Friday. Or was it Wednesday?


Tang's birthday cake from Shangri La, courtesy of Will. Yum!


We like hiding behind Will, heh. And yes, I was a little drunk, shut up! =\


I need to lose some more weight.


Michelle's 21st :) I WANNA BE YOUNG AGAIN!


三“墨“客。。。


Dinner at Bangkok. Missing... Who? What? Where? I don't know...

I'm not about to delve into the Bangkok folder yet since it's not sorted out, so I better be off for lunch now that I've spend about 1 1/2 hours on this entry. LOL.


See you at Bar Celona and Clarke Quay tonight... :)



Ok lah... It's the PIE towards Jurong. I do not own the above quote anyway; it's so overused.

I've gained weight again!

After managing to lose weight unwittingly at Bangkok, I'd managed to keep my weight on a slow decline but I'm gaining them all back because of Sweets. :(



瘦身会是件好事吗？它可能对我的自信和健康有助，但是，长远下来，要是我真的瘦了，变美了，我的身边即将会有更多的男人回绕着，我会喜欢那些注目吗？

现在的我也已经被那些有的没的男人像苍蝇一样的环绕着，弄得我好累。

他。。。 虽然一开始我就知道不会有结果，也不能让我向往什么未来，久而久之，下场也只是自讨苦吃。 但， 我想我就是那么傻吧。 反正感情这种东西， 由天由命，不由人。

想爱，又不敢爱，想放，却已不舍得放，但是我真的觉得，已好久没有这么单纯的自在和快乐了。。。

Stay the same.

(MmmHmm Ohhh)

(Mmmmm)



You should know by now

That love is not the same

I have what you chuck

to cover your mistakes

I don't care about

What all the people say

but it's down to me i know my mind

and i will find my way



And i don't regret the time we spent

and my time with you

It was not in vain



[Chorus]

And i wonder why

and where it all went wrong

and how you lost your hope

your the reason that i'm gone

and i wonder how

how you came to change

and why you lost your way

but i still stay the same

still the same



(Mmmmm)



Always spent my life

always trying to please you

but time had come for change

that's when i realised that I really did need you

and i knew with it you could take the blame



And i don't regret the time we spent

and my time with you

It was not in vain

I've lost my phone.

I've lost my K800i last Sunday. And before you ask, I'd lost it at a minimart inside Pacific Mansion. Left it on a rack when I was getting my change, and that was the last I saw of it.

Therefore, if you have gave me your number within the last 3 months, bets are I've lost it. Please just sms me and tell me who you are so I can save it.


Right then, I should toddle off to work. Life has done me in for abit recently; it's not just the handphone issue that has been upsetting me.

Generally? Half the time now I'm driven to drink and chainsmoke and I feel depressed as hell even though I got a pretty good appraisal yesterday.

Everything and everyone is driving me bat-shit crazy so I would appreciate if you lot just try to make it easier for me, ok? I don't expect anyone to lend me a listening ear; I just need to party and drink.



I've been too addicted to Sweets... And now I'm suffering from the backlash. Why haven't I learnt?

Bugger.

It feels like I'm coughing me spleen out everytime I wheeze due to my smokers' cough. It's time like this that I question my sanity in deciding that I don't want to quit, not that I can't quit.

Maybe its time to redefine my "can't" and "don't wants".

Anyway. Yes, I'm back from the horror that is the Bangkok trip =) In order not to jeopardise my 8 years long friendship with the girls, I shall not go into details regarding my feedback on the trip. =P *Grins innocently*

The pics will be up if I feel up to posting, but I've been partying hard and getting sick ever since returning, so keep your fingers crossed!


P.S: Sweets gave me the ooy-gooey feelings... :)

"You're a woman of pleasure."

Guilty as charged, dirty as sin.


And I'm loving it.

MOS.

Getting propositioned/hit on for countless times within the span of 2 days definitely helped to give a boost to my low self-esteem and ego. *Grins*

And I can't believe that people recognise me still! I have had 2 online acquaintances whom I've never met in real life before, coming up to me and ask if I'm JenxGeR. Guess I'm pretty recognisable with my DD boobs, huh. *shrugs*

But that also meant that I haven't gained that much weight that people can't recognise me anymore, so its all goood...

Well, I can't complain much about my weekend; I watched Spiderman 3 on Friday, courtesy of my company. Most people found it not up to expectations, but I judged it upon how it came along from Spiderman 1, and how I've managed to catch Venom *gushes* on big screen, and so I loved it.

Since we missed clubbing last week, Yan and I both made it up by clubbing for 2 nights straight. We were at Q Bar for Alan Chan's birthday earlier on, before we moved on to MOS and we got to know Dave and Roberto better. *Grins at Yan*

I simply can't wait for the next weekend to arrive. Right now, it's time for beddy bye. 'Ta.

(Our Bangkok trip is finally arriving... 17th May. *Squee* I just hope I'll get to settle my passport issues on time!)

12.

12.

The number that's making me feel like hell right now.

I indirectly caused him to lose 12 demerit points by talking to him while he was driving.

He ran the red light because he couldn't stop the car in time at the traffic lights at Adam Road. The photograph probably had a good shot of me gasping in disbelief.

If I hadn't request for a drive home tonight, it wouldn't have happened.

4 1/2years of clean driving record, ruined, less than a week before he is collecting his own car, a Mitsubishi Lancer Sports.

Shit. I'm tearing myself up with the guilt, and have no fucking mood to go for the movie and clubbing tomorrow night. I feel worse thinking about how he's feeling right now.

Argh. I hate myself.

TGIF again!

Who don't love Fridays? Thing is, the days are moving along at such a speed(though 9am-6pm will never end fast enough) that it frightens me.

Oh, the horrors of a woman past 20. I dread my coming birthday on 3rd October, because I won't be able to declare myself "Forever 21" anymore. Not honestly, at least.

Sigh.

Just had a particularly sinful lunch of Oishi Pizza's party combo with the boys and the ladies. There were 9 of us, but there's still 1 1/2 pizzas left over. Oh dear. I guess thats the reason why I'm putting my Art of Eating Snake© to good use right now.

Sometimes I wonder. I took the initiative to know the boys (for Jenny's sake, lol) and asked them to join us for lunches. Yet now, I seem the one least 'close', for a lack of better words.

I definitely can derive several reasons: I'm not as goh goh di/manja as the other ladies, not as daring, and not as slim and pretty as them. Whenever I try to act cute or manja, I just... can't. I'm much younger than the OLs, but I end up the big sister figure, again.

I will be officially old in a couple of years. I don't want to be a constant big sister figure. If you read my friendster, alot of my guy friends always call me 大姐. I was close to them because I'm a good buddy in their eyes.

I just wanna be a girl. Not the cynical bitch currently typing this entry.

I'm genuinely a caring and friendly person and all that rot, yet I always end up the girl in the background. 'Cos seriously, who would bother? Let's just face the facts yea - I'm simply not attractive or daring enough to garner attention.

More to the point, in life, in work, similar things happen to me. In several incidents, whereby I was entitled to certain things, or promised to be part of something, where finally, something good was about to happen to me, someone else would come into the picture and more or less demand or 'request insistently' to take over or be part of it.

I would hum and haw, and finally be pushed off, because, oh, "Jennifer is nice. She would understand."

Well I DON'T want to understand! If you ask me whether its my jealousy rearing its ugly head, I would answer I don't know.

But, what I do know is that, minus-ing my bad points, I would be a considerate, caring, friendly, blah bla blah girl in most people's mind.

I'm bloody sick of it. What's the soddin' use? Good guys always finish last.

Anywayyys, moving on to more mundane subjects, yours truly have straightened her hair to how it was always supposed to be!

It isn't exactly ramrod straight since I did soft straightening, but I guess I kinda like it.


Yea, my hair can't hide my chubby face anymore =(


And a look more befitting my mood as of late. See lah, Mr Yat! Got influenced by you =

Hmm. I like the 2nd look. Lemme take out my bottle of black nailpolish and my darker makeups and experiment ;)~

Monday.

The electricity tripped for our floor in the office earlier on, which lasted a whoppin' 30mins.

It was one the best working Mondays of my life :D

Driving instructors.

I need recommendations for good driving instructors in west area or AMK area.

Any suggestions whether I should take school or private? Class 3? Auto?

Gimme a holla please! I hope to get my driving license asap =)


My baby's got a car~

Ugh, I think I had 1 too many Shiraz. Was at Wine Company owned by Tommy, with Yan and her friends, and friends of friends earlier on for dinner, and I was humbled by their idle chats of hunting deers and bears, quarterly skiing trips and bicycle wheels that cost them $10,000, blah blah blah.

Wth, Joseph is even the cousin of Lee Hsien Long. I felt like a tiny, squished pea sitting next to them, but I'll have to say - They're definitely interesting, if not arrogant. I looked at them, and I wished I was an insurance agent instead of customer service consultant. I could practically hear the ka-chings.

By anyhoos, the Chocolate Molten Lava there is to die for. It's at Evans Road, right beside the Institute of Education at Bukit Timah Road - You should try it. Seriously.


Random picture of the day... Mr K and Mr D enjoying a tender moment by sharing the garlic bread. Aww... LOL.

Friday the 13th.

I love Friday the 13ths. And today is the only one this year.

Coupled with the upcoming cosplay chalet that Sheng and his sis will be holding, my mind is currently awash with gothic lolita costumes, and namely erololi or schoolboy lolis.

Maybe I'll just scout for something during the BKK trip =) I mean, I'll have to find something to do since I won't be able to find normal clothes my size in Thailand, yea?
Anyway, last weekend was busy busy busy! My 'schedule' was filled to the brim with outing on Thursday, clubbings on Friday and Saturday, then birthday celebration for my dear friend on Sunday.



My loves.


Yours truly, Jessica, Sheng, Yan, and Ting, our birthday girl :)

It was fun, I mean, yea, it was an awesome weekend, I even saw Leo, but I think the lack of sleep took its toil on me and I'm down with flu this week. Bleah.

Oh anyhoos, here's some eye candy for you 妹妹s out there.


Actually, they're not much younger than me; they're 21 and I'm 22, but damn if I don't feel much older!

Damn act cute... Wahaha.

OH. MY. GOD.

Well, I haven't been on eBay for a few months, but I got on recently to help my niece get some stuff she wanted, so I had a 'look-see' around to snoop for some James Marsters' merchandises.

Lo and behold...

I came across this and more or less fell in love.

Okay, it's not that gorgeous, but it WOULD be a wonderous addition to my collection.




I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!!!


Unfortunately, I'm so freaking overbudget that I can't afford this SGD$200++ piece. *Sigh* And its not even my birthday yet, so I can't pester anyone to get it for me.

*Goes to brood in a dark corner*

'Lo and behold...

Your camwhore queen.



Kneel and kowtow to her because she owns you.
.
.
.
.
Okay, so I'm bored, but I'm on leave on Thursday, so I have only 1 more day of work to go.

Hell yea!