Sesquipedalophobia

Sesquipedalophobia means the fear of long words.

"Doctor, I think I fear long words. I shiver in the sight of them."

Doctor: "Oh? Then you must have sesquipedalophobia."

"Sesquip what? AHHHHHHH!!"

Okay, lame joke. Anyway, after days of playing trivia on IRC that includes a long list of phobias, I realised that there's likely a phobia for everything under the sun. Fear of England or English culture, Fear of wind, fear of mind, fear of urinating, Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth(that's Arachibutyrophobia for you!), fear of returning home, fear of philosophy, fear of EVERYTHING! And that's Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything! Seriously! How pathetic, if not pitiable, can a human's mind get, fearing all sorts of rubbish?

Yea, I bet there's even a phobia on fear of rubbish!

I bet I have fear of writer's block too. And fear of multi-tasking. 'Am concentrating on trivia and blogging, and maybe a sneak of the fanfic I'm reading, lol.

Or taken from www.phobialist.com, I very likely have -

Achluophobia/Lygophobia- Fear of darkness. (a lil) Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself. Batrachophobia- Fear of amphibians, such as frogs, newts, salamanders, etc. Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns. Entomophobia- Fear of insects (MAJOR!). Helminthophobia- Fear of being infested with worms. Hypsiphobia- Fear of height. Isolophobia- Fear of solitude, being alone. Social Phobia- Fear of being evaluate negatively in social situations. Tomophobia- Fear of surgical operations.

And the list goes on and on and on~

But I don't think I'll ever have this - Chrometophobia or Chrematophobia- Fear of money. Who would?! I'll very much like to meet that person and take his fear away from him. Literally. Lmao ^^"

Sorry, was being a lil frivolous there, I do have a propensity to veer off topic, but it is true, and it's abstruse to me that human minds shall be so vulnerable.

Sigh. Going thru the drudgery of daily life, such facts only make it more distressing for me. Now I kinda understand why life is short.

The wild winds weep,
And the night is a-cold;
Come hither, Sleep,
And my griefs enfold! . . .
But lo! the morning peeps
Over the eastern steeps,
And the rustling beds of dawn
The earth do scorn.

Lo! to the vault
Of pavèd heaven,
With sorrow fraught,
My notes are driven:
They strike the ear of Night,
Make weak the eyes of Day;
They make mad the roaring winds,
And with the tempests play,

Like a fiend in a cloud,
With howling woe
After night I do crowd
And with night will go;
I turn my back to the east
From whence comforts have increased;
For light doth seize my brain
With frantic pain.

- William Blake

=d~

Mmm~~~ Guess what I'm eating right now? Suckling pig! Yum yum!! xD~ Bought from SICC, it's delicious *Ahh~*

Anyway, just woke up like 2hours+ ago. Don't think I'll be able to go back to sleep now.

Oh ya! Yesterday night, I dreamt that I signed up for a performance competition or something, and the judges said my dancing was sexy and I was hot! LMAO! Funneh dream :D


Went to TTS in the morning to remove the bandage, and the doctor put a band-aid on it and asked me to go again next Friday. Which got me thinking - Am I supposed to stick with the 1 band-aid for the rest of the entire week? >_> Sigh.

BTW, even the removal of the bandage hurt like hell. The wound had started to heal over even tho I'd bled alot last night, but when the doctor removed the bandage and cotton pad, it tore open again x( *bawls*

So kids, think again the next time you decide to pierce more than 1 hole per ear =P



Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death.

-MacBeth, William Shakespeare

Bandaged head trauma victim! Lol...



And... A smaller picture to not gross you guys out, the "keloid" and my pinkie finger to compare sizes... =P Eew much? =X

OUCH...

Heya, I'm back from the dreaded operation. My head is wrapped in a turban thingy (those bandages they do that makes you look like a head trauma victim) and my left ear hurts like hell.

Truth to be told, I totally panicked in the operating theatre. As I laid on the chair, it all reminds me too vividly of my primary school dental visits and when they started easing me into the operation and putting the green cloth over my face, I had a panic attack. I practically sobbed thru-out the 30mins ordeal. Weak Jen, BAD~

I'd grabbed the comforter on me 'till my knuckles went white, and when the doctor injected the anesthetic into my ear, I whined. =_= The following poking around hurt a lil, but before I knew it, he'd started cutting at my ear and I didn't feel a thing.

The whole process thereafter was rather okay, but I can hear the knife cutting at my keloid (or however it's spelt) and the squishiness was totally gross. 15mins later, I heard the ending soft"phlat" of the removal and I knew it was over. They let me take home the keloid as a victory token. Totally awesome. Lol.

I actually look quite cool in the bandage. It's like wearing a less fanciful headband but it's a lil too tight for comfort. I still have to go back to TTS tomorrow for a followup, so I guess the bandage goes off then. Don't have a digicam or camera phone with me ATM, so too bad! It would have been nice to take a photo of remembrance. Oh well~

Once I get hold of one tho, I'll prolly take a photo of the scar tissue bit and upload it here. It looks a lil like a miniature kidney-shaped piece of flesh, so it really isn't that gross. I took a poke at it, and it felt like those raw frozen meat in supermarkets. LOL!

Oh no... Wait. Sudden realisation just hit me. I think I have to take another injection tomorrow, the one they said I have to take monthly to help prevent scar tissue from growing out again. OMFG NOOO!!! It hurts like HELLLL! >_> Shiver me timbles!

Hmm, time to rest now I guess. I know they gave me pretty strong paracetamol, but it doesn't help much to ease the pain. 30mins max, and then the pain returns again.

AH! Got myself a camera now. Gonna take some photos and upload it in a while's time. Wee!

So darn tired...

*Stifles a yawn* Sigh. 7 more hours to the dreaded operation. I really should be sleeping now, but I'd decided a couple of hours ago to stay up, so I can wake him up at 4.30am for his last-minute books cramming session. Yea, he has his final exam at 8am later.

I'm SOOO regretting the decision now. My back and bum aches like hell from all the sitting, and I could sleep for 24hours straight. Idk if it'll be wise to sleep now.

Anyway, could you believe Lee Hsien Loong agrees that Japan deserves a seat in the UN council? Gimme a break! I didn't think much about the "PLP" incident between Taiwan, China and Singapore, but, hello, Japan doesn't deserve a seat in the UN. At least not until they're willing to apologise to the world and do something about it.

I'm so bloody disgusted with the government. Not that I'd liked it much before.

So anyway, *sips her root beer* I hate my current situation. Anyone learning massaging, and needs a volunteer? ^^"


To (be)sleep, or not to (be)sleep, that's the question...

-Hamlet, William Shakespeare

Star Wars g33k ?

=O Just got back from watching Star Wars with Mel. I've only watched 1/2 of Episode 6: Return of the Jedi prior to this movie. Haha. Padme Amidala r0x! I've liked her, and maybe Obiwan Kenobi too, when I saw her in the commercials for Episode 2.



The costume and make-up is AWESOME. I will look like a Chinese vampire if I were to do cosplay =P

Not entirely consumed as a Star Wars geek tho. Check this out to get what I mean. It's not a virus site, don't worry, just something I always get a good laugh out of, even when I'd watch it dozens of times. xD

I might start buying the Star Wars VCDs to watch. No guarantees tho. But I'm certainly not sinking to the level of reading the books. Too bloody thick! Lol~

Alright, time to go do my stuffs. Toodles!

And for the mood of this entry, here's a quote from Star Wars instead of poems and Shakespearean quotes.


"Do. Or do not. There is no try."

- Yoda

Well.. Sorry

The apology stated in the title is for the approximate 100+ f word repeated in my previous entry.

Just wanted to let off some steam, since there was nothing in front of me then that was smashable, or at least not having to account for. Well yea, I have a bloody bad temper, but what's new? ^^"

Thinking about it, it was Friday the 13th yesterday, maybe she thought it was all fun and nice to piss my royal ass off.

Never mind, never mind. *takes a deep breath and counts to 10* Moving on, I feel so weird nowadays. There's no doubt I hated work at LTA. Didn't need or mind an auntie who spent 20+ years in LTA earning a salary some people who might be able to get within the first couple o' years, but minded how she had totally no basic human respect for me whatsoever, when I gave her all due respect. Bothers me to even think about what she said.

Still, when being laid back and slacking was the way to go in my life before, it all feels... wrong. It is wrong, but it never felt weird till now, yea? Guess I'm really growing up. Getting old. Brr.

No, I haven't went all change-y and turned into a whole new person. Still basically how my friends remembered me. I'm still feeling lazy and lethargic about having to scout for a job soon, but not all together scared at the concept, if you get what I mean.

Oh, here's something I snatched over from my friend's blog, aka Leo.

"A University of Birmingham team found that drugs such as Ecstasy, weight-loss pills, and anti-depressants like Prozac have the potential to stop cancer cell growth. The team found that the drugs were effective at blocking cancer growth in more than half of lymphoma (white blood cell cancer) samples tested. The study could lead to new cancer therapies.Cancer growth was slowed down in 9 out of the 17 samples when they were exposed to anti-depressants, and in 11 out of 17 when exposed to one or both of the amphetamine derivatives. The research was supported by the Leukaemia Research Fund.

Well.. what are you doing , sitting there reading this? GO OUT AND GET HIGH!"

Lmao. My sentiments exactly.

Right now I'm busying myself reading at least 10,000 words daily, whether off the Net or from my books. 'Am reading Crippen - A Novel of Murder by John Boyne at the moment, and 6 other books in my possession, waiting... Calling out for me lol. I can stay up till 5am in the morning just to read. It was my Mum's doing that I didn't read much when I was younger; she felt that reading anything else other than school books were wrong. Now I'm like, making up for lost time? Lmao~

I'll feel all tingling and weird if I don't read everyday. I've been bringing along a book wherever I go nowadays, whether for meals outside, shopping, KTV sessions or clubbing sessions with friends, you name it. A friend, Steven, friend of Vincent's mostly, haven't seen me without a book for all the times we have went out together.

Escapist, much? Maybe that's what I really am. Getting indulged in my own private world or fantasy and dull out what's there in reality.

You guys, specifically the people who haven't seen me in a while, prolly think I'm bluffing. Comic books, more likely. But nah. Always liked reading. Just didn't like reading back in Sec. Sch days for the sake of writing up book reports lol.

Subtlely speaking, in case you're wondering, no, I leave all the 'fanciful' English to my writings, and not blogging or normal conversations. I am also not prepared to share my self-written fiction out yet, since I'd barely cracked at it, being busy recently and all. Might put it up on the Net somewhere in the next half of the year. Just don't expect much; =P I go more for content. Might be rather good in languages but not an elitist.

So anywayy, life's still good for me now, letting me read all I want, while waiting for the day op. on 20th. Still kinda worried tho... What if I freakin' feel the pain?! I was considering complete anesthesia, aka blacking out, but I hesitated at the cost and feeling nauseous part. Oh well. Wish me luck! Or wish me well, whatever *nonchalant shrug*

Alright, back to my reading now. Ta~

P.S: Oh yea, dig my latest thing for poems or Shakespearean quotes. A poem/quote per entry. Enjoy!

"And I am sometimes proud and sometimes meek,

And sometimes I remember days of old

When fellowship seem'd not so far to seek,

And all the world and I seem'd much less cold,

And at the rainbow's foot lay surely gold,

And hope felt strong, and life itself not weak."

-Christina Rossetti

Fucking bitch

I'm so fucking pissed now I don't care about the strong language I'm using. That fucking bitch who's prolly sashaying her way around in my house right now, thinking it's HERS. No fucking way in hell will it end up in her hands. I'll smash my fist in her face if I need to prove that point.

That bitch had been living off my family for about 8 years, god damn fucking knows how much she'd already taken and used for herself and her family. The house she built back in a sodding village in China was built with my brother's money. And where did the fucking money comes from? My mother.

You'd fucking pinched money from my mum's stall thinking it was okay, and burning up the utility expenses like there's no tomorrow and leaving it to my mum to settle. Now my bro and you had taken over the business for barely 6 months and you think YOU are suffering? My mother toiled for 20 fucking years and provided for my brother for 30 fucking years. Yes, my brother, the fucking whipped husband you have and turned against my mother.

Fuck off and die bitch. Never taken allowance from you and never needed to. You'd been eyeing my mother's business years ago, didn't you? Think I was that dumb and ignorant not to notice? Now you have it for barely 6 months and you can't hold it? Dumb bint. It just proves that you're INCAPABLE.

I will never fucking regret saying this: I hope you fucking trip and fall one day and lose the fucking baby. Xin Yi is enough and we don't need you to fucking carry on our family line. You're only TAINTING it fucking bitch.

I wish I could just smash my fist into your fucking irritating face and make you realise nobody cares a hoot about you aside my blind, whipped brother. I wish you'll just crumble up one day and die a wicked, slow death. I will stand there and laugh at your corpse. Nobody bosses my mum around like that and expects to be let off with it. She fucking deserves respect for what she'd been thru for the past 30 years. I'll see to it that you suffer your damn retribution one day.

Best Blogs in Asia site. LOL!

Bored now.

Well then. Here's my newest pic. The colour's not so obvious 'cos it's not taken on the day itself. I'm gonna wash my hair tomorrow and maybe I'll upload another pic of the not so red but rather orangy hair then. Lol.



Anyway, as I was on the cab today, I heard the DJs talking about the Japanese people and their mindset. I've read about their constant lies to their countrymen about the sins and cruel acts in WWII, but as of well, I never really gave a thought to it.

True, I feel that things should just be left behind, since it happened 60 years ago, and most of those who survived then, aren't around anymore. Still, there isn't a need to cover up the entire history! Brief mentions of the war in their textbooks doesn't help either. I know they have been cruel, massacring innocent people all over Asia, but did you know they raped some Chinese girls and then cut off their breasts, to let them bleed to their deaths? Or poking a bamboo stick thru their private parts?

What's up with their "superiority" complex? It is said that the Japanese can be very polite and friendly, but if you, a non-Japanese, intend to join their inner circle and become close friends to them, they'll completely shut you out.

I admire their sense of loyalty to their country, a tight pack, that's what they are, but I don't understand why they are not willing to face up to their past mistakes like Germany did. Bloody hell, Germany has been apologising to the world till now, for a mistake that stupid Nazi Hitler did. So, Japan thinks they can join the United Nations? Not a sodding chance.

I don't know, I just don't really like non-democratic countries. True, some democratic countries aren't as "holy" as they seem; always having some backhanded moves, but I can't really accept countries like the UK, Japan, and China. They ALL have a superiority complex. Brr. Not that I dislike the English. They're great; I speak the sodding Queen's English. Just... reading about what they did in India in the 19th century was kinda, inhuman.

Okay, enough ranting. It's not like me to talk about such political issues anyway. I do have an interest in history... Reading alot basically leads to learning about history. But anywayyy -

Right, well, there's something I needta say. I'm not working at LTA anymore. I felt terrible about it at first, not sure if I'm confident enough to tell everyone in my blog, but after some thinking-thru, (and a long speech from Mel) I decided to not feel so bad about myself. It's my first step back into the working society, and even tho it didn't fare well, I'm willing to give another try, to move on another step. A few steps more even, if Fate wants it that way.

Even tho I'm not working there anymore, I had to go over to get my ex-manager to sign my timesheet for me. I had a feeling at least one of them will throw some sarcasm my way, but heck, I was prepared for it ^^.

Well, most of them were very nice to me. Kala and Mariam were still smiling at me sincerely as usual, and even a couple other colleagues were pretty nice too. Only that Henry.. Lol. He asked me what I'm gonna do from now on.

"Marry?" He asked. Yea right. "I'm only 20, still young, I have other things in my life." I felt comfortable with that comeback =P I still have years and years ahead of me and I'm not worried about my future. At least my life isn't scheduled to fail from now on. I know I can still fix it, and even tho I have very low self-confidence in myself all along, I'll have to give my very best. ^_^"

Optimistic, aye? I hope it last, lmao. As how most friends know me, I'm rather pessimistic most of the time, but I always put on a brave front and a smiley face for all my loved friends. No need to make them share my burdens.

Right, then. Back to fixing my new picture album over at Friendster , and reading somemore books. Sigh~

And She Shall Look On Him With Forgiveness, And Everybody Shall Forgive And Love. He Will Be Loved.

Woot Woot!

This was taken during March, and I've had it on my MSN since then, so it's nothing new. Just thought I should upload it here.

Anyway, I've finally colored my hair! After months of procastinating, I grabbed my lazy ass over to Jantzen @ West Mall earlier on, and got myself a head of red, but kinda dull, hair :(

The process was okay, service was good and I felt pretty comfortable, but the end result was slightly darker than the colour I had initially chosen. I sooo liked the orangy red I had last year, but Mel commented that my current colour makes me look more lady-like, rather than the old one which made me look like an ah lian -_- whateva.

Not that I could choose a much brighter colour; my manager will prolly bite my head off.

Nope, don't have photos of my new hair color to share yet, I'm still getting acquainted to it lol. Will try to get one soon. I wanted to go over to town to shop and take some lovegetys, but it was like 7pm, and getting there would take about 1/2 an hour or so, and after some self-debating I decided to go over another day.

Oh ya, that reminds me. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all my married friends! ^^"

I kinda regret not taking some photos today tho :( I don't go to much expenses to take care of my outlooks, so basically today, after all the hair treatment and hair-blowing, I actually felt pretty, which I hadn't felt in a while. My hair will prolly go messy and all again, after a night's tossing about in bed. Sigh.

Anyway, I'm going for a day op. on the 20th for my ear problem. The top of my left ear has that, um, scar tissue thingy that kinda grew out of my ear piercing since I was sec 4. It was small at first, but it continued growing until it's almost the size of my pinky finger's tip now. It's really just like a round protruding flesh. Kinda gross huh.

I'm still very indecisive about the operation, because it's like, only a local anesthesia (or however you spell it), so I have to sit/lie there and watch them handle knifes around me and cutting at my ear. GROSS.

It's either that operation, or letting the scar tissue grow =\. Not that the operation will ensure the growth to cease, as, well, basically, the wound will be sewn up after the operation, and naturally, scar tissues will grow, and there's no guarantee the scar tissue won't start to grow out again. Therefore I'll need to go back to TTS Hospital every month for an injection.

Argh, all for the sake of beauty!

Dreams

Dreams... Yea I feel like talking about dreams tonight. No, not the ambitions type of dreams, but literal dreams you make at nights.

I've always like dreaming; not that I put in alot of hours every night for that, but I really do. Sometimes I get to remember the dreams, and thinking about them makes me smile.

Yea, they're pretty distorted, changing scenes as we moved into different rooms, but it always sets me thinking if there is actually any meaning to the dreams I make.

I had a dream last night, and it had moons in it, again. It's not those blurry crescent/full moons, but bigger, and you can see the shaded part of the moon, and all the craters on it.

Something like this one =)

Anyway, it DID have James Marsters too, but that's not the point. (lol) I've dreamed about moons (yes, moons) and yesterday night, I dreamt that there were 5 moons in the sky. I like the night sky, yea, but I don't put much time in to watch them. I don't know why, but whenever I dreamt of night skies and moons, the dream always get kinda creepy.

I can still vividly remember going to the depths of the ocean (which was surprisingly litted) and I saw, ahem, James Marsters sitting there, talking to me lol. We chatted casually, what we talked about I'd forgot, but I remember the urge to make him like me. SOOO, moving on, I then moved into a building beside him in the sea, and it became a library. I returned the 3 books I've read, and borrowed 3 new ones, which were all BTVS, and had Spike on them.

I then moved right, up the stairs, and I was in some sort of haunted place. I had the sinking feeling that we were not alone (I had 2 girls beside me whom from my dreams, I felt were my sisters) and we were on the edge of panicking, when I found the way to get out, when something came out to spook me. I couldn't remember what it was.

The next scene was then, the night sky. My sight was filled with the stars and moons, and when I arched my head further up, I saw the sun. It was a diamond shape yellow colour thing, more like a huge star, but like I said, in my dreams, it was the sun. I stared at the moons again and I remember calling Mel and said, "Dear, look at the sky, there's 5 moons." and hung up.

That's pretty much all I remember about my latest dream, so here's the old one which was even more vivid. You know why? I was telling him about the dreams about moons, and I paused and asked, "There was once, that 2 moons was spotted in the sky right?"

Like, what the hell lmao. I can still remember that dream where I was standing at my balcony, seeing my white window grills and everything, and the 2 huge moons behind it. One on my left, one on my right. I also dreamt about one ENORMOUS moon before, don't know if it's an individual one anot, but in that dream, there was chaos. Everything was distorted; people were travelling between HDB blocks in the air, cycling or fly-walking etc etc. Some people were flustered, some people treated it as normal, and I sorta go with the flow.

I know that in one of these 2 dreams, I dreamt again of being in a japanese-like(it just felt, japanese, I don't know why lol) environment, and a bunch of people including me looked up at the sky, and saw many moons, about 8.

Then there was also this dream I had last month, that I was Buffy and Spike left me because I ignored him too much, and I called Giles in England and he told me he was back in Singapore, and I managed to get him back to my side... After that I was involved in some pwn ass fighting action with a bunch of cult guys after me, and I kicked some serious ass. Lol. Nevermind.

Haha, all these weird dreams got me remembering about the ULTIMATE weirdest one. This one beats the dream where I dreamt of my ex bf dead in a homicide scene, my nanny cutting off her fingers, and a dinosaur chasing me to a block across the road till I plung to my death from the roof.

I dreamt that I was the most important "general" in a war in Singapore. General of the REBEL forces.

Frankly, I don't remember much about the dream. But everytime I think about it, it gave me a sense of power lol. It was either a war to take over Singapore, or to take over a very large facility.

We were brutal, killing those who defied us, and making sure they listen to our commands. The leader, someone I felt I'd pledged my loyalty and was indebted to, wasn't Singaporean, but quite a number of us were. I was the leader of the Singaporeans.

There was no qualms about shoving a gun into people's faces and beating them up, but then I realised some of my good friends were one of the hostages. I was put in a dilemma, but I then decided to get them out of our stronghold, to ensure their safety. I did all the climbing around, on those bamboos surrounding a construction site, and acting that I want them to help me take the rations from a convenience store in the facility, etc. In the dream, I knew that I wasn't switching sides; I merely wanted to rescue them, and get back to my leader. I escaped my leader's suspicions a couple of times, but I was ultimately exposed and I remember that as I got my friends out of the facility, I was shot. I don't know if I died, because the dream ended then.

Muahaha~ Long entry tonight. For those of you who actually read throughout, I think you would agree with me that they were interesting ^^".

Bah, I'll stop for now, the menstrual pains are getting to me. LOL. Ta~

Quitter strikes!

Actually, I don't know what to put as my title, so I just took an idea from that "anonymous" person in my tagboard. I still have a clue who she is, and even if not, who cares? The person obviously doesn't know much about me xD Just takes bits and pieces of my entry to piece up my characteristics. Quitter strikes again? *Tsk* what a weak try of grasping for grass =X

So anyway, LONG WEEKEND!!! WOOHOO!! Haveta work till 1.30pm yesterday because of all those "kiasu" people who want to get their cars asap since Monday is a holiday. I almost fainted of hunger!

Also, I saw Azahar at work on Friday!!! He's my NPCC squadmate from Sec. Sch, and I've always liked him because he's DAMN funny lol and a very good friend to rely on. We saw each other in the lift and chatted a bit before he alighted to go pay for his "summon" lol. He hadn't change much, his voice is still the same, build's a lil bigger, hair's longer, but still very recognisable. Whereas me? Sigh. I bet I'm the only one in our old circle of friends to have changed for the worst =P All my friends have became more manly for the men and more feminine for the women. Aww~ I'm really happy to see them, even if it was thru friendster =P

Oh ya! Speaking of friendster, I login just now and saw that another of my old friend, Baby, is married!!! Aww!!! I knew her thru Carina back in the days when we still went to Sparks every Friday, of which I knew Carina thru Leo. The girls (Carina, Jinting, Baby and Wanxia) are great gals to hang out with, but we've pretty much lost contact since we club at different places since then.

Her wedding photos are sooooo beautiful. She's so beautiful! It's sweet too, to see that she'd married the guy whom I know was her bf since the day I know her, to see young couples happily in marriage (E.G: Chantelle, XiaoBaiTu, Baby). Chantelle's my age, XBT is 1-2years older, and Baby's 1 year younger. Yet they all are blissfully in love and happiness with their hubbies. Isn't that so sweet? In fact, most of my old friends are all blissfully in love. Is this the love year?

That kinda makes me look forward to having a baby of my own. Not a shotgun 1 that is (No offense girls!! >_<) Just that I would want to be more prepared to awaits her/his arrival =P All the while, I've wanted to have a baby when I get late 20's... But now, early 20's seems good too! Lmao! But I'll need someone willing to feed me and mah baby, that is =P

Went out with Mel to celebrate his 20th bday yesterday xD Yum yum, Crystal jade! We ate till SOO full we barely made it to East Coast Park to countdown. I slept in the car and he slept while we were at ECP. We left 1min after 12mn. Lame right?! Lol~ Well ok, time to go slack around and enjoy my long weekend while it lasts xD Happy day today, hurray!

Grr

Yup, job officially sucks, but I guess I've talked about that in my previous entry, so I guess I don't have to talk about the retired grandpa who works as a temp. worker just like me, but does nothing but check documents, doesn't print, fax, fetch, but just sit his butt out and stay until 5.30pm even tho there's nothing for him to do.

So anyway, I'm so pissed right now! All my 500+ songs that I'd painstakingly downloaded from MIRC are gone! Not to mention my IMesh with its BTVS related downloads!

I bet its that fugging Microsoft Antispyware program he just got; went too high on the setting that deleted my MIRC sounds folder and IMesh program. Or maybe he just went bonkers and deleted my sounds folder, allowed the program to delete my IMesh and decided to clear it from his head. The point was, he INSISTED that he didn't do it! So who did? A poltergist? Riiggghtt. Grr!

All my songs! I'd found some really awesome ones recently, and I barely listened to them since I've been working. Who's gonna re-download the 500+ songs that I had? I'm sure he's not going to do it, nor will some of the songs still be there.

Sigh. Work sucks. Now life have to sucks too. I sorta cut work today and wanted to go to the polyclinic to get a MC, but the freakin' indian lady did not want to give me one. Pardon me, but I KNEW I won't get one from her when I took a peek, because Indians and Malays are SO racist towards people who aren't their race.

I mean, yea, maybe some of them had been treated that way by Chinese, but hello? No more now! It's really more racially equal now and they have to face up. She was just so cold-hearted when I felt terrible. I bet she'll give Indians any MC they need, man!

With that stupid clause in my contract that says I have to forfeit 1 month's pay(even tho I'm kind enough to do stuff that AREN'T stated in the contract, they aren't so kind) if I can't provide a MC for cutting work, I'm pretty much edgy and grouchy now. Not the best idea of a nice weekend.

Life really sucks. Last month, Mum went to a temple and er, you know, talked to those "Ji Tong", I don't know what they are called in English, but they say I'm in bad luck recently. I drank 5 burnt talisman in water and had diarrhoea everyday, and went to a temple to pray, so that my mum can have an ease of mind.

Then hey, things REALLY did seem to get better, but it's a sham. Or at least it was temporary. Life's back to the sucky factor for me now. Sigh. I just hope to get by 3months soon and quit the stupid job. I don't care what others say about me being a quitter or whatever, because hey, try working 9hours a day, 5 1/2days a week, be at 10people's beck and call, no leaves, no slack, no benefits, and get less than $650 a month. Try dealing with THAT!

Sweet Sunday

*Stretches* Ah~ It's the weekend. Finally a day that allows me to sleep late and wake up in the afternoon. It's beautiful lol.

I'd wanted to update on Friday night, or rather, Saturday morning, but I was soo tired after going out with them, I fell asleep immediately once I was on the bed.

'Cos you know why? We went to Sparks LOL! As usual, they heard that alot of 'cais' go there now since so many pubs in MS have closed down. Indeed, there were much more people in Sparks now then it used to be, and the girls there now are so HIONG! Seriously, it weren't what it used to be lol. Sparks used to be my 2nd home (No, I didn't regard Poly as my 2nd home =P) ever since I was 16. Now I'm just out of place there. Glad we moved on to ChinaBlack and Zouk =P

Anyway, I wrote this down on yellow sticky pad in office on Friday, so I guess I should type it in:-

"Something's wrong with me today... It is 10.10am, and I'm working as per norm, checking the application documents when James Marsters came into my mind, again. Those who followed my blog might have noticed my infactuation with him since a while ago, and I can't seem to curb it.

I thought I could satisfy this.. Hunger, by reading books that he has a part in, watching the TV shows & movies that he acted in, and listening to his music.

But no, this feeling, almost like nostalgia, hit me pretty hard today. I could barely concentrate on work, and my mind is like intoxicated and practically spinning off purely his images.
In fact, this train of thoughts are being written by me now, on yellow stick pads on my workdesk.

I'm having a little problem maintaining a normal breathing pace. Let's hope I'm just unwell.

Even tho my hands and eyes are checking and marking the documents (But relatively slower), I have this overwhelming feeling that my mind, conscious and sub-conscious alike, are ONLY swimming with thoughts and images of J.M.

I smile his distinctive smile when I see something funny, tilt my head often,unconsciously, just like the way he did in BTVS.

I'm having it BAD. VERY VERY BAD. I've never had... This longing so bad before. It's both sensual and scary.

Does anyone has this experience before? Share with me, but don't mock me and call me mad. Don't judge me if you don't know me. You will know how real it feels, how real it IS, if you were in my shoes.

I wish I can make enough money soon enough to fly over to America to see him in a performance or anything, to satisfy this hunger.

It's killing me slowly... "

Yea that was all *blush* It's kinda embarassing to share on the Net, but I won't deny I felt that way. I'm sure I'm not the only one. *Sigh*

SLEEPY!

Man... It's only 11.40pm now. I got tired since 10pm+! -_-"

Anyway, as you can see from my previous entry, I've finally gotten a job! Not the best kind there is, if I wanna name out the bad points of it, I'll prolly go into a temper, but I guess it'll do, lol.

I'm working at LTA (that's your gov. sector Land Transports Authority for you) but it isn't a biggie position. Fancy designation, Service Support Officer, but my job scope is more like OA, office assistant or an Admin Assist.

Sure, I handle green forms, car insurance and some COE calculation etc, but I also need to do Ad Hoc stuff, things the "colleagues" who work there ask me to do. The reason why I put " " is because I'm purely referred to as a temp. staff. Even when I'm on a 1 year contract.

Pretty basic job scope tho. Pick up faxes, print stuff, check documents etc. It's more boring than tiring. What's tiring is waking up 7am in the morning. *Yawns~*

Other than that, the job basically sucks. The pay, ugh, $5/hr, not a monthly basis one, so go figure. I get SOO little per month, I'd rather go back to MacDonald's. A full time 6days week sales job without CPF might get me about TWICE the pay I'll be getting for this job. Moreover, I am entitled to, well, NO benefits what so ever, meaning no 7-14 days of leave in a year, not alternate Saturdays work week aka FULL 5.5days week.

It's all because of my agent. She seems so nice and bubbly, I let her mislead me. She missed out all the bad things that I should know and keep answering my doubts quickly (but unclearly) so I give up asking after asking repeatedly for the 2nd - 3rd time. The contract she made me sign said that I only have to work alt Saturdays, and start at 8.30am on Saturdays instead of 8, etc etc.

I guess I'll have to make do with it for awhile. I'll at least have that 1 year experience I need for other Admin Assist. etc's jobs for the future. Government jobs = low pay, stable career.

Life... *Sigh*

HAHAHA I GOT ACCEPTED HAHAHHAHA

Whoop de doo!!!! I got accepted for an admin assist. position at LTA! WHOOP DE DOO!

I'm still all jittery inside wondering if they'll "un-accept" me at the last minute and leave me all disappointed, but my friend told me it's nearly impossible. Let's hope so!

Did I mention WHOOP DE DOO?! Lol okay sorry for being so crazy, but this is such of a fresh start I can hardly breathe properly. I'm so nervous and excited all together!

Anyway, an hour after I sent in the complaint email (=p), Ronn called me (She's a very bubbly and pretty lady from Recruit Express) and sounded more excited then me lol. She kept congratulating me that I was accepted for the job, while I was there, dumbfound and laid back.

Now that my head is clearer, it's awesome! It's all perfect really, Sin Ming Drive, LTA, bus 130 right below my block and straight near the doors of the building, I'm grinning and chuckling so hard to myself, I can't believe its true! I just hope everything will go fine *cross fingers >_<*

Sorry for sounding all so Hip Hip Hurray mood, but it's really been awhile since I got a job. It has a 1 year contract tag, but I think I can cope. I will. xD

Bah... I'm so pissed!

BAHHHHH.... I'd just woken up to a totally irritating call just now. I should have sticked to my original decision to not answer it.

It was from Today's Career, and I know, okay, I didn't go for an interview they arranged for me, which is irresponsible, but hey, GIMME A BREAK! The Alice woman talked to me like she was my mum, and she talked like I NEEDED THAT JOB BADLY, and wouldn't survive without it. "As someone stepping into the working society and looking to survive, what you have done is very irresponsible. Do you know blah blah blah" or something like that.

And her tone of voice! Man, when she added a "Thank you very much" at the end of the scolding, I wished I was there in her face to splash my glass of water in her face (if there will be any). She'd only added that because she realise she was talking too harshly to a client. Even if not, I'm so NOT going to accept sarcasm from a stranger who reprimanded me. So instead, I hung up on her straight after she said thank you(which is the first time I've done to agencys) and I've blacklisted their company.

If their lousy website had a complaint section instead of just a Contact Us link which links directly to our email, I would have done something already. Bah. Started my day in a bad mood. Stupid woman! *Grr*

Wow... I'm actually back. Anybody got job lobangs?

I don't think my friends look at my blog anymore lol... Most of them think I've abandoned it. Well yea... Kinda. I just guess I should come back. It's not nice to abandon something I've wrote in for a few months already, will it?

=P Anyway, I've been finding jobs recently. It'd proved to me that its TOUGH. I didn't think I would take this long, but I've went for a couple of interviews and agencys for the past 2 weeks, and none are successful.

I thought that it might be due to the fact that O's students are on break now, and have a couple more months before school starts. STILL, I have an O's cert myself *ahem* and I at least did 1 year in polytechnic. That shouldn't be the reason. Moreover, more people will start graduating in May-July... It might be even tougher then. Even if all I'm looking for is an admin assistant position.

At least I'm trying. But I'm starting to give up, after what had happened this 2 weeks. The agencys will call and give me hope over and over again, but I would get no further news from them. *Sigh*

Therefore, I'm appealing to all my friends out there who actually still peek at my blog once in a while. GET MEH SOME JOB LOBANGS! Lol... I DO have a friend, Gary, who had been very helpful and compiling lists after lists of jobs that I might want, but apparently none of them wants me.

Anybody have Cashier/Admin Assist. jobs? I would appreciate it very much :) Take care, friends~

I'm t3h human waste. Waste of resources, waste of time. I've no direction in my life; I don't even know what to do with it. I feel so out of touch with the world I dare not venture. I tripped and fell somwhere, and I'm still lying there, all bruised up. Sigh.