Sunday, April 01, 2007

31/03/2007.

It's amazing how one night can give so much revelations and old memories.

Was at MOS with Yan earlier on, and I met 4 people from my past - Zhi Yong, Chen Shung, Alex and Joshua(well, he don't really count since I saw him a couple of weeks ago, but oh well).

It is startling how years have matured these guys. They were enjoying themselves with the guys, flirting with women, and even kissing some(ahems at Josh - don't need to look shy after kissing lah, lol), yet I just sat there, too lethargic to dissimulate my loneliness and desolation.

It was then the thing called Reality surreptitiously came up to bite me in the arse. Seeing them got me cogitating on how and why did I let myself end up like this. I was simply left nonplussed.

When I went to the SkyLounge with Yan, I saw a woman sitting on the sofa alone, who kept casting longing looks at this HK millionaire called John.

As he passed by, the woman would timidly hold his hand and brush her thumb across the back of his hand. John did not even acknowledge her presence.

When John'd finally stopped fraternising around, all he had to do was turn and face her, and the woman would walk into his embrace and looked like a happy little puppy who got patted on the head.

Yan and I laughed, but then realisation slapped me rightsmacked in the face that it was something that happened to me more often than not.

In my case, I would be the puppy who got kicked to the sidewalk and have to crawl back to its owner, whining.

I shall hold on to this revelation in mind and sleep on it.




Go, go, go, said the bird: human kind
Cannot bear very much reality.
Time past and time future
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.

-T.S Elliot

Saturday, March 24, 2007

NATAS

MUST... GO FOR... NATAS... TOMORROW... $200 PER DAY...

DIE DIE... ALSO MUST... GO...............

WITH PREDICTABLE... WORKLOAD... FOR... NEXT WEEK... I WILL... HAVE... TO DO OT... UNTIL 8-9PM... EVERYDAY... FOR NEXT... WEEK...

DIE DIE... ALSO MUST... EARN THAT... MONEY.... SAVE FOR... BANGKOK TRIP... IN MAY!


*Collapse with exhaustion*

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Bugger this.

NATAS fair coming up this weekend - totally slipped my mind.

2 gruelling days of toiling in the booth processing HUNDREDS and HUNDREDs of policies, where every washroom break gets you the evil eye.

I mean, seriously, our situation is so bad that even our temp boys have to stay for OT almost every night until 8-9pm...

*Shudders* Ooh, the things I do for money.

For my friends who might go there, don't forget to turn up at the AIG booth to catch up. I may not be free for more than 1 minute or so, but it'll be nice.

I WANNA GO DANCING!!! ARGH!



P.S: I've changed my mobile number... So if you don't have my new number, give me a holla in my tagboard.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I...

I want... no... I need...

Someone who cares when I'm hurt.

I don't need the person to coddle me and dote on me when I'm hurt, but just to acknowledge my pain.

To let me know that my woes and pain did not went unheard. To not treat the words spoken from the depths of my heart as crap and a waste of his bloody time.

I don't need the person to agree with how I feel. I just need him to understand.

Someone who see things from a couple's point of view and not from the view of whether things were to his liking or not.

Someone who will come to meet me when he wants to see me, instead of commanding me over or flippantly say, "You want you come lor, dun want to come den dun come lor."

I'm so bloody tired that I just want to...



I can't even bring myself to speak anymore. It feels like something is laid upon my chest, and slowly choking me by forcing the air of out my lungs and crushing my windpipe.

TIck, tock, tick, tock...

Oh, I wonder when will this little self-detonating bomb will go off.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Sigh... It's Friday but...

Yesterday, when I was 'recalled' to go to my sis' place, I already booked movie tickets for 10pm that night and right then, I was having a hysterical breakdown due to workstress due to the problems caused by our Abso-f**king-lutely Bloody-piece-of C**t system.

I ended up running to the washroom and wailed for 5minutes straight. I guess its true that a good hard wank wail does one good.

I did not manage to go to my sis'.

Hence I made a promise to stay over tonight, yet my boss asked us out for a nightcap. I'm telling you, Jeslyn inviting us for a drink? You better be there, because I haven't seen it happen before.

Sis ah sis, there's a dark force forbidding me from coming >_<

Neh mind, I'll be there. The force is strong with this one!



P.S: I can't believe how efficient UOB is.

Let me tell you about the difference between UOB and AIG.

I went to the branch at Bukit Batok on Monday, and I received my card today. Whereas if you managed to call through AIG and buy a simple policy? 5 working days, please.

We are the HQ, and our servicing hall has 14 counters, yet some customers wait for almost an hour nonetheless. I did wait 1hr+ for my turn at the UOB branch, but they only had a few counters available.

Our customer service hotline operates from Monday to Friday, 8.30am to 5.30pm sharp, while UOB's hotline operates 24/7. Although we do have a 24hours crisis hotline, I don't think I will be able to talk to an operator within a minute(though I'm not sure if its because of the time) with AIG's customer service hotline.

Kudos.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

There were days...

When I pat myself on the back and congratulate myself for having it rather easy.

I never really had a sordid past.

Okay, so maybe my dad left us when I was 3, I grew up at my nanny's until I was 11, it took me 14 years to know the truth that my sister is actually my half-sister, and I bled and bruised under my mum's fury until I was 18, but I have learnt to get by and take things in stride.

Looking back, when I 'blossomed' from a tomboy to an ah lian when I was 14, I'm glad I did not join that gang in Yishun that my friend almost got me into, and I've only had one real brawl in my adolescence days. It was a pretty good record as compared to most kids nowadays.

And then, like any young kids, I smoked my 1st cigarette thinking I was cool, because nobody my age seemed to be doing that.

I was 10 and a half.

Courtesy of my mum, I got the pack of Dunhill Reds for a science experiment in school, and then shared the rest of the pack with my maid. I "officially" started smoking at the age of 14.

As I got to the age of 16-18, like many teenagers, I got my hands on some drugs. I smacked K, took E, got high, got drunk. Lived the rock & roll lifestyle... Only with techno music.

But I'd prided myself for never once sleeping around or even let 'non-boyfriend' men touch me. Guys respected me; I'd garnered enough of it back then.

I did silly stuff like going to Serangoon to 'back up' my buddy with all the other guys and ended up getting chased with parangs and baseball bats. My male friend (Yes Ang, that's you! LOL) got nicked in the butt by a parang.

Even at my age now, I still entertained suicidal thoughts by slicing my wrists, but never deep enough, got creative with a belt and a hanger, hopped off a moving car and got dragged along the road on my right side while holding on to the car door, yet sucked it up and limped back into the car as if nothing happened.

Nonetheless, I managed to put all of that behind me. I may be a P.H.D - Poly half-way dropout, but I have a stable job, an okay income, and plans to further my studies overseas.

But right now? I left my pack of cigarettes in my office blazer, and I've been getting irritable. 7-11's pretty far away, and all I have now is Mel's box of nicotine gum.

I've been staring at the gums for about 5minutes, but I still can't make myself take one. Coupled with the health problems I've been having lately, being frustrated and depressed is an understatement.

Combining my past and all these shit that is my life... I have had enough childhood dilemmas and psychological fears to keep a shrink well fed for life.

Maybe I haven't had it easy after all, but somehow, I still look forward to achieving my dreams and goals; I shall never call it quits until I make it to the Land of the free and Home of the brave.


Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Earthquake :O

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/262263/1/.html

Why didn't that happen to my office area? >_<

Dear friends, do take care!

Friday, February 23, 2007

You know something is wrong when...

You find yourself doing this in the office in the midst of clearing your work.



Ahh, well.

It'll be quite some time before I can say...




Unless I tio Toto(don't even have to be first prize) or 4D first prize with $10 big $120 small and I'll be off to pursue my dreams :D

All I have to do,
is dream, dream dream dream...



Vita non est vivere sed valere vita est.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

One of these days...

I'll probably die of some disease rather than old age.

I smoke, I drink(not heavily), I was an user(now now kids, don't you follow in doddering Jen's footsteps!) and I don't exercise. Not in the strictest sense unless you consider sex and dancing as exercises. Heh.

Anyway, having an excruciating sharp pain in your kidney while you're playing
Audition? Not fun. Not when your kidney feels like its cramping and set on fire.

The doctor said that it could either be kidney infection or kidney stones. I have traces of both symptoms in my shh shh. (Lol.)

So kids, take care of your body while you still can. Mine's already damaged so I don't see the point for me to bother that much anymore :P

OH! Anyway, here's a picture I took with my laoban after the party. I swear, he's lovely, and the picture did not do him justice. I would write more about my jam-packed weekend, but it's office hours *shrugs*.

I'll post more pictures(yes, there's more!) after my colleagues have sent them to me. Floats around on a perpentual cloud*


I have a copy of this picture fullblown colour-printed and signed by Rudi. Maybe I am near-psychotic with him as I am with James Marsters. So sue me.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

xD

Ahahhaha.

Hahahahhaaha.

WahahahahahahAhahhha~!

*Recovers slightly from her high* Alright sorry, but I couldn't help it. I just bought 8 pieces of clothings from a single boutique which cost me almost $400, but the shopping high was incredible.

And besides, that number of clothings alone surpasses what I've bought for the past 1.5 years. So it feels good.

I'd wanted to get clothes for CNY, but ended up getting them all in black *shrugs* and mainly, I wanted to celebrate.

Why, you ask? Oh, it's nothing. Yours truly just got converted to a permanent staff and will be getting a payrise and more benefits, 's all. Naw, it's nothing.

HAHAHA! xD

Anyway, I'm going to sing at my Co. president's surprise farewell party tomorrow with another colleague of mine, and I'm so bloody nervous. Singing infront of 200 people whom you'll be seeing 5 days a week, can you imagine? And I am having a terrible flu! (And that's certainly not an "I've-just-recovered-from-a-cold-so-my-voice-isn't-good excuse.)

*Gulps* Wish me luck guys ;)

At least I have that department BBQ at Tanah Merah on Friday... Mmm, yummilicious BBQ food cooked on a spot by the chef, and 2 overnight stays at the Safra chalet.

Life's pretty good right now.

Monday, January 29, 2007

My goodness...

許瑋倫 is dead... Unbelievable. I'm still staring at the PC reading the news in shock since this afternoon.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

2007.

Hey friends.

Happy 2007 :)

Sorry I've been on lazy hiatus lately; I've had a packed schedule and thoroughly enjoyed myself on New Year's Eve (and day).

I would love to post the pictures taken thus far, but right now, I wanna jump on another topic.

It's been semi-decided. Not just dreams of going to study overseas. Currently I'm saving up my money and confirming the amount in the bank account my mum opened for me.

If it's enough, I'll be applying for a city college enrolment. It's not much, city college, but it's a start.

Right now I've only 1 recommendation, which is Pasedena City College (which surprise surprise, was recommended by my friend who studies there).

If everything goes as planned, I would finally be able to start my life afresh in the land of the brave. Gawd knows I deserve it. Life has done nothing but screw me over like a 2-dollars whore so far.

Do you guys have anymore recommendations for city colleges in the sunny state of California? It's bloody time to pick up the slack again, aye?

Lemme know.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

*GASP*

The D&D's tomorrow!

AHHHHHHH!!!

No, I'm not panicking because my gown hasn't arrived yet. In fact, it arrived on Monday and I even managed to bring it to my colleague's friend's mother's shop(lengthy, I know) to make it smaller and fitting, as it was HUGE.

I still remember when I took it out of the package... My brother walked passed and commented that it looked like it was meant for an elephant.

*Grumps*

Well, at least it fits better now. It's still a little loose around the bust area, but I think its nothing some Hollywood tape can't help with.

Annyywayy, I was panicking because I did not manage to get my gloves and a clutch... Black ones - Matte, shiny, plain, whatever. Just not PVC. Any suggestions where to get them?

I'll be staying over at the Meritus Mandarin Hotel after the Dinner n Dance, so if any of you's going to town and wanna meet up at around midnight, just gimme a holla.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Thursday...

The prelude to Friday madness:

*Does motor insurance renewal for D0ct0r XXXX Sen Ch0w*

O_o, cheque is less of $0.65... Insured rounded down premium, knowing that we absorb difference of less than $1.

"Wah... Really Sen(g) Chow sia!"


*Giggles insanely at her own joke*

Ahem. Sorry. I got caught up in the year end and month end madness. Anyway, wanna see what I'm wearing to my company's D&D on 8th December? *Big grin* =D

It's gonna be held at Mandarin Hotel(next to Cineleisure), and our theme this year is Hollywood Glamour.

*woooo....* *aHhhhhH...*

Ok, back to the subject, my gown:



Lovely, innit? Problem is, it's still on its way in the plane from USA. I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed, hoping that it can reach before my D&D event.

If it doesn't, be prepared to see a UHO(unbelievably horrendous object) in pink appearing that night.

Monday, November 20, 2006

My latest addictions...


My initial baby... Alfa Romeo :)



Lotus Elise, Ah-Beng version!



Zhng my car~



My current baby... Ford GT, zhng-ing in progress =D



Need for Speed: Carbon. Zai!

Friday, November 17, 2006

Ramblings, and then some.

What's mine, will always be mine.
What's mine will never be yours.
There might be some things thats ours,
But yours will always be mine.

Okay, that didn't make sense, or maybe it's actually cliche, but I'm shagged out and somewhat fidgety and I can't bring myself to care.

Just spent an hour re-watching my brother's wedding VCD from 4 years back, and all I could do was whine about how skinny and gorgeous I used to be. I'll try to find the pictures to prove to ya next time.

Anywayyyyyy, I'm just gonna let the sleeping dog lie, and upload some pictures I've taken over the months.

Pictures taken in Momo:

Michelle and I quite sometime back.


Me and my ladies, Wen aka Ms Kiwi, and Ting aka Ms Cherry. I'm Ms Peach, btw. Lmao.


Between the 3 of us, we somehow couldn't manage to keep all of us in zoom lol.


Finally!



I love you, ladies. =)



And last but not least... (No snickering!)

Ruisheng(my friend since our NPCC days) and I:

LOL. Sorry. We couldn't resist a blast from the past. Kao, I can't even do a proper Chao Ah Lian face anymore! :(

Anyway, life's okay for me now. It still sucks, but I've grown to tolerate it. I'm going under a couple of months of 'supervision' before I most prolly get my permanent position in AIG.

But seriously, unless they adjust my pay increment by $200 or so, I won't be there long enough to enjoy most of the extra benefits. *Shrugs*

Now I can only hope none of my colleagues read my blog, lmao.

[Next to come: More ramblings and some pictures from Yan's birthday]

Friday, November 10, 2006

Why?

Why not?






Devil-may-care.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Wah lau.

Yeah, wah lau.

Firstly, yes, I've came back to the office to work a Saturday.

Secondly, it's a Public Holiday.

Thirdly, this is my 13th consecutive days of non-stop OT. Only the thought of my next month's pay stopped me from tearing my hair out.



And last but not least, we don't have a day off this coming Monday.


UFF.

Therfore, I'd decided to practise my Art of Eating Snake™ and blog my little blogger's heart away, but my digicam had been spoilt ever since Steve's birthday.

Maybe the only highlight for this week is the Lee Hom concert tonight that my colleague, Joyce, happened to have 4 free tickets for. My 1st concert in 10 years, and none of us have a digicam. YAY! >_>


So anyway, I know I have alot of pictures to post ever since my hiatus. Thankfully I had some pictures stored in office PC, so here's another photo-filled nonsensical entry. These were taken on late August actually. Enjoy!


*Kisses floor* Thank gawd I've finally bought my new pair of contact lenses. I'm getting realllly sick of the specs on my head. By the by, that's Liting and Cheng Mun with me.


And thats me together with Yan, Jinhui, and Liting later on at Momo. Bloody hell... I looked like a mama-san, didn't I?



Me and my girls. Sweetie Liting and Yan with her Darlie commercial winning smile. *grins*

Frankly, I'm not entirely sure if I should comment at this. *Shakes her head*

Coming up next should most probably be my account of Yiwen's 21st birthday, followed by mine and Yan's.

The best is yet to come :) Take care, my friends! *Kisses and hugs*



P.S: Oh yes, I'm in better spirits recently since Yan, who is in London currently, told me she's got my James Marsters DVD last night. MUAHAHA!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Happy Birthday, to ME!

I'M 21!!!!ONEONE11!!!!11!!!

HOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Amazing how I feel like both laughing and crying at the same time. Tears were brimming over my eyes while I smiled at some of my girlfriends' smses... Yep, we have came so far, Yan.

I can't believe I'm officially an adult now... All these years of feeling cynical and jaded, I've realised I haven't even begun.

Boy, that was gloomy.

So anyway, even though it was merely a start of another new day, it felt... different. Like I have a new set of goals to look forward to and to work towards.

Like... All the silly heartaches I'd went through seemed less significant, and that I'm beginning to believe that I can have the world in my palms if I wish to, and that it's finally time to work towards making my dream come true.

Don't get me wrong - I'm still the Jennifer Lim aka JenxGeR who secretly loves retro punk, rock & roll, and metal. The Jennifer who will remain goo-gaa and helplessly in love with James Marsters till kingdom comes.

The JenxGeR who would jump out of her seat and play air-guitars before settling back into her seat like nothing happened, the Jennifer Lim who could be a sophisticated snob at other times. The Jennifer who used to do what she wants, and who(*wink*) she wants.

And now, she will be become a woman you've never met before.

Just you wait :)

And a shout-out to Ting, Ni, Yan - you girls will always be my sisters. Love you.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Jenx.

I have to work at NATAS Fair @ Expo from 9am to 10pm tomorrow, and I'm still up. Bloody hell.

Anyway, I have this habit of googling my name, and my nickname of 7 years (since 1999) to see if it came up in funny places.

5 minutes ago, I tried to google my shorter nickname, which is "Jenx" of JenxGeR, and bloody, soddin' hell... I'm not as original as I thought.

There's one in the exact spelling of my namesake, http://www.jenx.com/ who are are manufacturers of therapeutic furniture for special needs children.

"I"'m also a
blue guy on some online cartoon.

I can also be a
Neverwinter Nights 2 Game 'hakpack', or a Canada chick who's surprisingly similar - a Libran OL named Jennifer, and chubby - Just like me. Beside the fact that I'm not Canadian.

Let's not forget the
band and the old DJ chick or hey, the Emcee.

I bet there's more, but enough is enough. Even though I prefer being called Jenx ('ger' was added because I wanted to clarify my gender in online games), I'm sticking to JenxGeR from now on.

Because there can only be one JenxGeR. And that's me.