I'm back...

From Tioman, people!

Well actually I got back in the afternoon, but most of the pictures I took are on my sister's cam, so I can't upload them yet.

Meanwhile, here's 2 to tantalise you guys!

I've just signed away 1 year of my life and I've never been happier.

Yep, I've just signed my contract with AIG. I'm now officially a Grade 4 Associate of the American Home Assurance Company *puffs out chest and smiles excitedly*.

I do need to go to the corporate doctors for a pre-employment check-up first, so I just hope my body will be fine enough to commerce work on the 24th.

Right now, I'm staring at the computer screen starting to miss the endorsements and policy words that I won't be typing anymore. At least with my new position, I would get my own desk.

Yay me! *Walks off with a spring in her steps and whistles some idle tunes*

WHO'S THE BOSS, WHO'S THE GIRL?

JEN'S THE ONE!

I stayed home today because my body system was near shut down and I needed the rest, but I got a good news over the phone just now.


MY INTERVIEW LAST WEEK FOR CUSTOMER SERVICE OFFICER IN AIG WAS SUCCESSFUL!!!


Well, it doesn't pay mighty well, but its a start and a leap from my mediocre temp administrative jobs. I have to go through the probation period and take 2 exams, be disciplined about my attendence because this job is very demanding, so I'm not 100% delirious yet.

But I'm happy. Yes, very very happy :)

ROFL~~

I'm watching channel 56 on SCV now, and I'm laughing so hard I could bust a nut, if I have one.

It's "Tou Yu", direct translation is the desire to steal, a Korean show. I mean, Korean comedies are well-known to be damn hilarious, but this one just takes the cake. You have to watch it.

Sigh, its 4-friggin-am in the morning, and I know my body clock's gonna be messed up again. It's lucky that my last day of work will be next Thursday, then it's hello rest-time and vacation!

Speaking of which, I haven't even got the necessities for the trip next Sunday. Mehhh. Jasmine: You, Eileen, me. Friday. Shopping, pronto!


So anyway, I got back at 10pm+ earlier on from Li Ting's 21st birthday.

Happy 21st birthday Ting~!

I didn't know half the people there, but it was great to see some old friends and get accquainted with a couple of new ones.

So here's Jen, camwhore-wannabe. (Hmm, come to think of it, not really.)


First off, the birthday girl! The picture of the sec sch bunch, lol. From left to right : Ying Chuan, Yi Wen, Me, Li Ting, Ci Hao, and Ling Yan.


Ci Hao and Ying Chuan from my neighboring class aka old classmates of Ting. We weren't classmates, but they were, and are, always awesome people to hang out with.


Ah, yes, I was delegated to hiding behind two gorgeous ladies.


Ophelia! Ophelia! Ophelia!


"Mummy, look! Birdie, fly!" "What, where?"


My Ophie irritating Lilo. Aren't they cuties? And please, ignore the hairy legs =X

I would put up more pictures if I did not look horrible in half of them. I guess it's really time to lose that excess, what, 25kg? Bleah...

Gawd I need a good rest.

As mentioned, met up with Yan (hi girl!) after work today.

People always change with time, so I'd be lying if I say she doesn't seem to have changed. But the change wasn't much, of course. She's still the Ling Yan I know since 13 *grins*.

We chatted for quite a few hours, caught up, kinda chatted like we've only just met up a couple of weeks ago instead of a year. She's renting a room and living away from home, how cool is that? I doubt I'll be able to do that. Not that I would want to, come to think about it. Free food! Free utilities! Free net! Maid!

Anyway. Quick fuck? Don't drink it.(unless you like the taste of cough syrup.) I still prefer sex on the beach and a screaming orgasm. *Smirks*

Damn... Look at the time. When will the day comes that I actually get a full 8hours of sleep? It's times like this I'm really looking forward to the trip.

Well it can't compare to the Japan/Taiwan/Europe trip that Ling Yan had lined up at the end of the month... *Grumbles*

Damn...

Due to a crazy weekend of non-stop "tonning", my body clock was temporarily messed up, so I tossed and turned in bed yesterday until 4am in the morning >_>.

I can't be any happier to see that I only have 15minutes of work left to go, and I'm meeting LingYan later(squee!) for drinks at Balcony.

It's been, what, a year plus since I last met her? I wonder if she's changed much =) I just hope our date won't be hindered by the... omnimous rain clouds and heavy-looking rain :(

Bah, now I have to play dodge the rain with my punny umbrella.

*Grins*

Well, that lingerie model job was a joke for April's Fool. I'd just woken up then, and decided I had to think up of something.

*Grins*

Gonna go enjoy what's left of my weekend, ta mates :)




Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion; it is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality. But, of course, only those who have personality and emotion know what it means to want to escape from these things.
- Emily Dickinson

I've got great news!

And there I was, worrying whether I would be able to get a new job soon after my contract with AIG ends, but I've got a new offer earlier on!

Okay, first off, some of you guys might not agree with my new choice of work, but the pay is too attractive for me to reject. I mean, working as an admin gets me about 1k each month ONLY. This job offers about $2k WITHOUT commission. How cool is that?

I've been approached by similar agents when I was 16... Wearing my school uniform, no less, but I was quite surprised I got approached again, since I'd apparently put on so much weight.

I'm going to be a model for lingeries, bras actually, but I don't have to show my face all the time, since some will just need to take photographs of the, you know, area. The shoots will mostly be for magazines or newspapers where they advertise their new lingerie products.

I know, I know... I'm crazy. But no harm to try it out, since I don't have to sign a contract just yet. I requested to try out 1 photoshoot and get a feel for it.

I'll be back to fill you guys in about details after I meet up with Steward again, *nervous* cya guys! Wish me luck and guts!

Hey hey hey, I'm back!

Damn, even I am sick of reading my recent boring posts. I guess I ought to update about my stuff a little - give something for my grandchildren to read about next time(provided Blogger lasts that long), ey?

So anyway, end of month's always a soddin bitch, everyone was rushing to get this month's accounts settled, and I barely had time to primp myself at the washroom. Workload upgraded from fast-paced to Superman-on-crack requirement. Thank gawd its Friday.

I'd finally managed to croak out a question to my frightening manager regarding the last day of my employment. My contract with the agency ends on the 9th, but I did officially ask for a contract/perm employment from the HR, so right now I'm just waiting for replies.

Seriously, my manager simply had that look on her face that made me afraid to ask her stuff or simply talk to her. First off, her pose would be unfriendly-looking, even tho she did that subconsciously. Then she would tilt her head in a manner that she's looking down her nose at people with an angle. Not to mention the slight scowl and the menacing stare.

Fine, okay, she's not that scary, but she does make me stutter alot. To get someone as eloquent(ahem) as me to stutter, trust me, she's scary enough.

Anyway, getting back to my point, I'm going on a Tioman trip with my sis and her family. It'll be about, hmm, 6days 5 nights? I'm really really hesitant and frankly? reluctant to go, but they'd been so insistent that I need this trip to "detox" myself and I'm too paiseh to reject, and gawd knows, I really do deserve a break.

It's just that, I don't know, 6 days seems kinda long for the size of the place we'll be visiting. And JenxGeR just looks BAD with a tan. I mean, who else but my NPCC squadmates have seen me tanned before? And my tans doesn't even last a week! I'll burn like a lobster even with sunscreen.

Plus, there's an important fact that I have a deep fear for, well, deep waters. I'll feel like I will drown any sec once my feet can't feel sand anymore. So it'll be just alot of floating around and fishing.

Yep, I love fishing, and thank gawd it's a time-taking sport.

I think I would be getting a set of bikini, because my old, black onepiece swimsuit simply has to go, but I would definitely wear a pair of shorts and a T-shirt over 'em. I don't wanna cause anymore nauseous-ness than the sea already would.

It all depends on my budget tho - we 1985'ers are pretty unlucky. First the only-16-year-olds can get their ICs policy started during our year, now us 1985ers missed out on the "generous" bonus that the government is giving out during election year.

Right now, I'm just worried about my health. Like I mentioned in my previous entry, I got hit with the fever bug on Wednesday night. Thank goodness it was after I got my new heels from Wisma. Did I mention that Charles & Keith has really cute shoes, despite the poor quality?


Anyway.


Guys, if you are those really queasy type who goes "eew!" or, "ugh, gross" when a woman talks about her period, look away.

My cycle has been messed up. I will spot(don't ask me what that means) during the accurate week of my period, but it stops after a few hours. 1-2 weeks later, then will my period start officially.

Right now, I'm almost 2 weeks late again, and with totally NO possibility of being pregnant. I mean, duh, no sex = no babies, okay? I know some of you will be skeptical.

So anyway, I've always thought I handle stress well, but that vomiting incident back in my polytechnic days, and my messed up body system told me otherwise.

Has any of you experienced this before? My menstrual cycle has always been accurate like clockwork, and this is just creeping me out. What if I grow a tumor there like my mum did?

Not to forget the fact that I'm too stingy to go for a full body checkup that'll prolly cost me a couple hundred dollars.

Bah, I'm stressing myself out. Sod this, I'm just gonna go smoke my fag and enjoy my night. Maybe do something crazy over the weekend. Ah, I like this idea so much better.


Have a jolly good night, all. Take care~ ;)

Hah!

Even my colleague knows my "pattern" now. No matter how tired or busy I've been at work, I will always get hyper when the time nears 5 - 5.30pm.

However, I'd just recovered from my fever from yesterday, so I walked around today in a permanent slouch and droopy eyes.

But then again, finally free enough to take notice of the time, I couldn't help the huge grin that came onto my face :D

I'll blog again when I get home, right now I need to finish my work first ;)

T minus 10 minutes and counting, weekend here I come!

Thank you. I love you all.

I always thought I don't have friends anymore... That Time has drifted my closest friends away from me to nothing much but Hi-Bye accquaintancea, but I was wrong.

I still have old friends who dropped a message by, and tell me they care. Supporting me.

I have a god didi who would come all the way down to comfort me, nieces who care and lends me a listening ear, old friends who I didn't know still care for me even tho I've lost contact with them.

I know things are partially my fault that they ended up this atrocious, that I'm not the only victim here, but it did wonders when I heard (or read) those comforting words.

Thank you Alan, Eileen, Cash, Lexandria, and other names that I can't think up of right now due to my jumbled brains. Thank you guys so much.

Life seems less bleak now... Especially after the whole tub of Haagen-Dazs Cookies & Cream icecream.

Happy birthday, Ma!

It was my mum's 58th birthday yesterday, and I could see that she had a blast with her friends. She also seemed overjoyed that I'd given her quite a big angbao as a present. Perhaps, she's starting to see me as the adult that I am? I surely hope so.

I was the designated videogirl, but it was okay. Anything for her.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN, MA!

Also another shoutout to my sis, for cooking up a storm, thus allowing me to bring the delicious curry chicken and fried bee hoon to lunch-in at work. Thanks! =)

Anyway, I seem to have an urge, an overwhelming urge to go clubbing. Anybody feel like going to MOS / Dbl-O / MU / Chinablack / Madam Wong II this Friday or during the weekends? Call me or MSN me, I'll be waiting ;)

*Sniffles*

Just watched "Dead Man Walking" on Star Movies and I sobbed my eyes out. Sean Penn just has that charm about him and his interaction with Susan Sarandon(?) was great. It's an old movie, but its a gotta-watch one.

Anyway, does anyone knows the name of the guy in the new Starhub's Mother's day advertisement? The one where the mother cried at every important moment of the son's life?

If you know, tag me. He's goddamn cute; One of the 2 types I'm a sucker for - 1) really cute guys, even better with a little bookwormish look, complete with the glasses. Or 2) the bad boys(who are kinda little boys at heart) who have a gorgeous smirk and confident air around 'em, and ooze sex appeal.

I think the common thing between my 2 types will be the killer smile. If you look cute smiling, you'll get me drooling.

Maybe my next post will be something about myself that people might not know. But right now, I'm gonna go dream about gorgeous men with cute smiles... Mmm...

To: Melvin.

When will my moment of epiphany come to me?

You have just requested for a 3months seperation. I know its just your subtle way of breaking up with me while not devastating me immediately. Making me grasp desperately onto the hope that you will return to me somehow. But I know differently when you told me to look for another guy.

I tried to be bitter, tried to laugh at myself and say, Game Over JenxGeR, you've been pwned. Ah... The irony. I also tried to blame you and make myself feel better, but I gave up midway, as all I feel is this aching numbness.

I have a sinking feeling that the longer we seperate, the happier you'll be with your life. I'm afraid might be our final break-up. The it. The... end. The end of the life we've shared together.

But I have to acquiescence, because I know I've begged too many times for a second chance. We've simply tore at each other's hearts too many times.

I know I must respect you decision and understand that you're hurting and tired too, that I should just wait patiently and see if you would return... But the pain... I can't stand it. It's tearing me apart. You were the only one in my life to ever show me some sort of support. Who gave me the strength to carry on.

I never truely understood the true meaning of being lost and alone, until now.

One minute into the seperation, and I was lost. Someone please tell me what to do. I don't know anymore.

God, save me, please. I really don't know what to do anymore... But I know this...


I've seen the best and worst of you, and I know this with perfect clarity - I love you. I might always love you. I don't know if you see that as a burden or appreciate it, but if we never get back together again, please know that you will always hold a special place in my heart, as the man I've come to love the most, the hardest, and the deepest in my entire life.

Will you sleep at night and miss my presence beside you on the bed? Will you look at my toothbrush beside yours and think about me? Would you miss the talks we have before we sleep? Would you miss our good times spent together?

I will always remember your naturally pouty little lips, cute guilty smiles when I catch you trying to spin a white lie, the infuriating yet endearing manner whenever you're so clueless to what I'm feeling.

I will miss the way you startle awake whenever I nudge you, the way your warm skin feels whenever I hug you, the security I feel when I'm in your arms, the tender times when you bring my hand up to your lips and kiss it, and the way you always sigh in mock exasperation when I constantly ask you if you love me, followed up by a how muchie.

I will remember everything. You know how good a memory I have :)

For what its worth, I'm sorry.

Thank you, Melvin Lim Jie Ying, for the most colourful 3 1/2 years of my life, filled with laughters, anger, happiness, sadness, joy, pain, sweet memories, and love.

I love you.


----------------------------------------------------------

I'm finding my way back to sanity again,
Though I don't really know what I'm going to do when I get there.
Take a breath and hold on tight,
Spin around one more time,
And gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace.

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and,
Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright,
Alright with me.
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing,
Is where I want to be.
Yeah.
Where I want to be.

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth and I'm,
Trying to identify the voices in my head.
God which one's you?
Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel alive,
And break these calluses off of me,
One more time.

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and,
Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright,
Alright with me.
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside your door and listen to you breathing,
Is where I want to be.
Yeah.

I don't want a thing from you.
Bet you're tired of me waiting for the scraps to fall off your table to the ground.

'Cause I just want to be here now.

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and,
Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright,
Alright with me.
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing,
Is where I want to be.
Yeah.

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and,
Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright,
Alright with me.
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing,
Is where I want to be.
Yeah.
Where I want to be.
Where I want to be....

---------------------------------------------------------

Weekends. Finally!

Sheesh, I thought Friday would never come! One of my colleague is flying to Jordan for her holiday tomorrow (lucky her) so I OT-ed a lil to help diminish some of her workload.

Couldn't even get home after that; I went to Raffles Place to collect my BtVS books from a seller from Yahoo Auctions.

I'm abso-bloody-lutely shagged out.

Anyway, please don't mind my bloody awful poem in the previous post. It was done in barely 5mins, and looking back, it sincerely sucks to hell. *Shrugs* Strangely, I get all poetic when I'm depressed. Damn Shakespeare and his tragedy plays. *Shakes fist*

My depression might have been striking once too often nowadays, and the magnitude and aftermath of my major brooding and depressing shocked even myself, but I think I would be fine. Eventually.

So don't worry about me, guys, JenxGeR always pulls through... I guess.



Heavens! Hinder, stop this fate; or grant a time
When good may have, as well as bad, their prime!

- Francis T. Palgrave, 1875

Me.

I'm a lousy girlfriend. A lousy daughter. A lousy employee. A lousy friend.

I accept that now. I used to push these thoughts to the back of my mind and tell myself to think positive thoughts. I told myself I'm doing just fine, it's just a virus of my mind. Telling myself that everything's fine and dandy like cotton candy.

I was wrong.

It doesn't matter what I want, it doesn't matter what I need. It doesn't matter if I cry, don't matter if I bleed. I'm nothing but a lambent shadow.

What's life? Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more...


I cursed, I lamented, I scorned
at cheerful laughters and
encouraging smiles.

I abjured from society.
I tried to make myself
inured to life's drudgery
and distress.

I failed.

Oh, the quiddity of life.
What is life but live to die?
To crave that soothing moment
but to cower when it nears?

Nobody shared in my isolated gaieties.
Nobody cared beyond
a modicum of concern.

I am alone... Truly alone.
It makes Death all the more
sacrosanct for me.


------------------------------------------------------


In case you failed to notice,

In case you failed to see,

This is my heart,

Bleeding before you --

This is me down on my knees...


------------------------------------------------------

We have lost even this twilight.
No one saw us this evening hand in hand
while the blue night dropped on the world.

I have seen from my window
the fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.

Sometimes a piece of sun
burned like a coin in my hand.

I remembered you with my soul clenched
in that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?
Who else was there?
Saying what?
Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly
when I am sad and feel you are far away?

The book fell that always closed at twilight
and my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.

Always, always you recede through the evenings
toward the twilight erasing statues.

Grant me strength.

My rather sharp wits and tongue might finally come into use later, for the most important (verbal) fight of my life.

It's 3 v 1, a 99% sure-lose situation, but I can't afford to lose my ground.


Wish me luck.

Grant me strength.

Sigh...

All's not that well in Jennysviile(bleah?) right now.... I've got issues I need to resolve with Mel's mum, and the tiny trickle of life's sand grains that used to bounce off my head is now like quicksand, threatening to bury me alive.

I'm tiring... I'm truely feeling unergetic.

All these overwhelming layers of stress, life, disappointments etc are suffocating me, leaving me in a state of malaise. I'm an encumbrance to all.

I feel smouldered. Mirthless. Demeaned.


Hopeless.

The handwriting analysis!

Another quiz/test, courtesy of aB :D


******* The Analysis Starts Here *******


Jennifer has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, Jennifer's y or g is large and has triangle shape to the lower loop. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination Jennifer has regarding sex and physical things. Her lower zone stroke is large, so her sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop has a triangle shape, this indicates a particular curiosity with certain aspects of sexuality. In a nutshell, Jennifer is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once. I'd say Jennifer is quite a dynamic and playful lover. Watch out world!



Jennifer has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.



Jennifer's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Jennifer that she wasn't a great and beautiful person, and she believed them. Jennifer also has a fear that she might fail if she takes large risks. Therefore she resists setting her goals too high, risking failure. She doesn't have the internal confidence that frees her to take risks and chance failure. Jennifer is capable of accomplishing much more than she is presently achieving. All this relates to her self-esteem. Jennifer's self-concept is artificially low. Jennifer will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because she is afraid that if she makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Jennifer to plan too far into the future. She kind of takes things on a day to day basis. She may tell you her dreams but she is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud she speaks, look at her actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Jennifer is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.



In reference to Jennifer's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Jennifer slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project. She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Jennifer can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.


Jennifer will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!



Jennifer will demand respect and will expect others to treat her with honor and dignity. Jennifer believes in her ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. She has a lot of pride.



Jennifer uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone. The circumstances when Jennifer does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise. Jennifer will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally. Jennifer is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"



People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Jennifer doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.
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All I can just say is, wow. It's about 95% accurate and it told me things I didn't even know about myself. Go to the handwriting wizard to check it out for yourself :)

Back to work now, 'ta!

xD!!

Post CNY gambling rocks!

Mel and I was rolling in the money just now, winning a total of $500+ from his aunties, Ah Ma, uncle, cousin and siblings lol, with the bets ranging from $1 to $10.

I felt very awkward winning the elders' money, and while Mel had no qualms about it, I suggested we buy pizzas for all :) I'm nice, aye?

Now with my pay coming in at the end of the month, I can really afford the Spike bust I was eyeing. Yay me, the Queen of Gamblers!